What We Have
by Today.Is.Life
Summary: Mills and Brett's disappearance has nothing to do with Lullo, but that's what their captor would like them to think. Because today brought the perfect opportunity for him, today everything fell into place, and he could finally take what he really wanted. What he'd waited for months for. Rated M. Includes all characters. PD too. Dawsey. SevaCasey. Family Fic.
1. The Worst

**Hey everyone!**

**Firstly I want to apologise for the delay in 'It's never that simple.' I've been super busy as of late and have struggled to have time to write. But that update should be ready for you all in the next few days.**

**So I bet you're wondering why I've written this. Well it's been in my head ever since the FallFinale - which I'm still upset about - and I just had to write it.**

**I hope you enjoy this first chapter and that you're all interested enough to read more!**

**Thank you all for staying with me through this!**

**It's of course #Dawsey centric but has all characters in it, including PD characters.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Hannah.**

**oxoxox**

* * *

Mills and Brett's disappearance has nothing to do with Lullo, but that's what their captor would like you to think. Because today brought the perfect opportunity for him, today everything fell into place, and he could finally take what he really wanted.

What he'd waited for months for.

* * *

He watched as she raced out the door of the apartment, almost slamming it behind her. He noticed how her face was red and puffy, her cheeks tear-stained, her eyes wet and upset. She hadn't been home long, maybe twenty minutes, but in that time she'd managed to change out of her uniform and cry endless tears.

His hands clenched around the steering wheel as he watched her, moving towards her car, wiping a shaky hand against her flushed cheeks. _Not much longer,_ he told himself, not much longer until he could wipe away those tears himself.

Her car pulled off a few moments after she'd climbed inside and once a few seconds has passed, he pulled off in his simply ordinary car and followed.

They drove for fifteen minutes before she pulled up outside the Chicago Fire Department HQ. He parked a few cars behind hers and waited once more, as she walked quickly inside the busy building.

As he waited for her to return, his eyes intently watching the revolving doors, he thought about her. He remembered what she was wearing, dark jeans highlighting her stunning frame, a green sweater to keep out the cold, a black jacket that hugged her body. He wished he could hug her body.

He would soon.

He thought about how her hair was loose and curly, how her eyes glistened with sadness and how he wished to changed that, how her lips frowned. They would not frown when he kissed them.

He thought about the blonde and the black guy he had tied up in the basement. He guessed the drugs would be wearing off soon. It didn't matter, they were tied up. And no one could hear their yells. They're disappearance would keep the cops off his trail for a while. The firefighters too, they may not even notice she's missing for hours.

He was almost distracted by his thoughts of her and he nearly missed her coming out of the Fire Department. She climbed into her car once more, hugging pink papers to her chest as if they meant everything.

She pulled off, he assumed she was going home, she was heading in that direction. He followed. He knew a road that she would take, it was a quiet road. That's where he'd strike.

She turned onto that road. It was getting dark, but a few lights in houses of the street were turned on. He didn't have long.

He tightened his seatbelt and swerved the car, crashing into the back of hers and forcing it into a tree.

She remembers a fleeting pain in her head before she passed out.

He recovers from the impact for a moment before opening his car door. He walks towards her car. There was smoke coming from her engine, but his car was drivable. He opens her door. Her eyes are closed. There's blood on her forehead. He cuts the restraint of her seatbelt with the knife he brought. He slips his hands under her knees and back, cradling her unconscious body to his chest.

He feels her warm skin through the layers of their clothes. A rush of delight sears through him.

He hates that he must place her in the trunk, but it's the only way. He lays her down as gently as possible and her eyes do not flutter.

He kisses her hand before he closes the trunk. Sliding into his car once more he realises that he finally has her.

He's gone before the residents of the street can rush outside with their phones. They find an empty grey car crushed against a tree.

A phone rings on the passenger seat. A father of two who peeks inside as his wife calls the police looks at the flashing screen.

_Matt. 3 missed calls. _

* * *

**_Antonio_**

From the almost frantic call I'd received from Matt, Peter Mills and Sylvie Brett, the newest EMT at 51, we're missing. Had been all day. They were taken from a scene. That's about as much as we have.

I told Matt to head to Lakeshore with the others after returning 81 to the firehouse. Boden's baby had been born, but was in the ICU. I had no new information on that either. Jay, Erin and I headed to Lakeshore whilst Voight and the others headed to the scene. Jay thought Anthony Lullo was involved and the possibility was great. He'd been on Mills' case after his son died in 61's ambo and being the dangerous man he was, he'd want revenge.

When we got to the Lakeshore, we were greeted with the scene of a room full of firefighters, a scene I'd seen so many times before. I scanned the room, noticing that Gabby was missing. I made a note to call her soon. She and Matt have had some problems lately.

"Any news?" Severide says as he rises from his seat after noticing our arrival. The others look up too. Worried.

I shake my head, "Voight's at the scene. Nothing yet."

Their faces fall, "We'll find them," I assure, yet if Lullo was involved I wasn't sure what state we'd find them in.

"That punkass gangster has to be involved, he thinks Mills killed his son," Joe Cruz said, removing his hands from his pockets and shaking them to make his point.

"Have you seen Lullo since the other day when he ruffled Mills up?" Jay asked no one in particular.

Matt, who was half focused and half not, looked up, "Chief said Lullo turned up before shift. Mills said he apologised for his behaviour."

Jay didn't give a reaction, but we knew that if Lullo was sure about his revenge on Mills, his apology was unlikely to be genuine. Jay only nodded, "I'll call Voight," he said as he walked out the room.

"How long have they been gone?" Erin asked.

A few of them shrugged, "Could be anything from six to eight hours ago. We aren't sure," Matt answered flatly. My eyes narrowed slightly at him, something was wrong.

"Okay," Erin nodded, "We'll take it from here... We'll find them," she assured them again before going to join Jay.

"Any news of Chief's baby and wife?"

Severide rubbed the back of his neck, "Donna's okay... No word on Terrence."

I can only nod because I had an awful feeling dawned over me and then I knew that this was only the beginning of it.

* * *

In the hour that we waited with 51 I found out that Gabby had gone home. 'Sick' Matt had said. Sick my ass. I tried calling her, but I got no answer. Matt had already called three times and got just as much as I did. Maybe she was sick and sleeping.

After Jay called Voight he said that they'd be here in fifteen minutes. Almost an hour later and he still hadn't shown. Something was definitely wrong.

"You heard from Voight?" I asked Jay as he sat with Erin, murmuring quietly in the corner of the room. They both looked up and shook their heads, looking just as concerned as I felt.

I reached into my pocket for my cell when I heard multiple footsteps heading our way. A second later Voight and the others bar Olinsky turned into the room. His face gave nothing away. Everyone watched him and waited.

"Mills and Brett?" Cruz finally said after being tired of waiting for Voight to speak.

"No leads yet," he answered, but I could tell that there was more to say. Voight then looked specifically between Matt and I, and then I knew.

"Voight, what is it?" I demanded shakily.

He seemed to swallow before speaking again, "Gabriela is missing Antonio."

Matt flew to his feet, "What do you mean, missing? She went home-"

"Her car was forced off the road. Gabriela, and the car that hit her, wasn't at the scene," Voight answered solemnly and Matt, unable to do anything else, collapsed back into his seat and stared at his uncontrollably shaky hands.

The room seemed to come to the same worried and frightened conclusion, "Then whoever took Gabby took Mills and Brett too," I said and Matt, now able to react, stood up from his seat and stormed out of the room, eyes glassy with scared tears.

_My sister was injured and kidnapped, at best. At worst? I couldn't bare to think about the worst. _


	2. Worthy

**Hey everyone! **

**Thanks for the great response to the first chapter! I got this wrote for you all but I'm already so crazy and excited to write this story!**

**I hope you all like this chapter, the next one will be up in a few days as with 'It's never that simple.'**

**Love you guys!**

**oxoxo**

* * *

_**Severide**_

I wait for Voight to explain everything he knew before I leave to find Casey. Dawson. Missing. Car crash. Mills and Brett gone too. That's about all we knew. As much as anyone knew. But why would Lullo take Dawson? She had nothing to do with the kid's death. She wasn't even at the scene. Could Lullo even be involved?

I find Casey pacing back and forth a window, running his hands roughly through his hair. He grips his phone in one hand and his face is flushed and tear-stained. I worry as much as he does.

I put my hands on his shoulders to stop him pacing. He looks up at me with wide eyes before shrugging me off, "She's gotta be okay..." he mutters, returning to pacing. It was a trait I noticed he shared with Dawson.

"Casey, man stop pacing. Casey... Matt!" I call loudly after my failed attempts at getting him to hear me. Casey's head snaps up to look at me again, "She's missing Severide, _missing. _And she's no doubt injured. What the hell am I meant to do?!" He screeches, finally stopping his erratic movements.

Positioning myself against the wall I explain what Voight had said, "When Voight was where you found 61, he got a call about a car accident involving Dawson. Burgess recognised the car as Dawson's and called Voight. They know that she was hit off the road by another car, but her car took a lot of damage on the passenger side. Driver's side was relatively okay. They found a little blood that's Gabby's type, but not much else. The car who hit her was gone and they think whoever knocked her off the road took her. No one saw anything. That's all we know."

Casey digests this information before responding. His body seems to collapse into itself, his eyes show just how lost and scared he was. Despite whatever was going on between them, he loved her more than anything.

"Why would Lullo take her? She wasn't involved with his kids' death..." Casey murmurs quietly, rubbing his eyes dry.

"Maybe it wasn't Lullo."

"Then why take Mills and Brett?"

I don't answer. I don't have an answer. Truth was I was just as confused as him, "I don't know what's happened, but we should go back and see what they're planning to do."

He nods, but takes no action to return to the waiting room. His world was shattering around him and he couldn't stop it. Casey swallows thickly, "What can I do?"

I say the first thing that comes to mind, "Don't give up."

* * *

_**Dawson**_

Ringing. Dull, continuous ringing in my ears.

I smelled the coppery scent of blood and the skin on my head felt sticky.

The floor was lumpy and soft. My hands couldn't move.

My eyes open just a sliver and standing above me, was a blurry male figure.

I heard voices call me, call my name over and over, voices I recognised but couldn't quite place.

The figure that stood above me leaned down. A quiet groan escaped my lips.

Something sharp pierced my arm and a second later, I was out.

* * *

_**Antonio**_

"Why the hell was she home? Why wasn't she at work? What the hell is going on with you two?!"

"What happened between us isn't relevant!"

"I'll say what's relevant and what isn't! My sister is missing and injured!"

"Don't you think I know that? I'm just as concerned as you!"

Voight finally got in between us, shoving a hand into my chest and one into Matt's. He doesn't flinch as Voight touches him, yet I half expected Matt to swing for him. "Knock it off, now. Do you to think Gabriela would want this? Huh?"

Matt backs down first, moving to sit on a chair beside Herrmann, shrugging Severide's hand off his arm. Jay finally lets me go.

"Now get you're heads into this or you'll both go home, you hear me? This is last thing we should be dealing with."

Voight gives us a moment before he speaks to the room again, "I've just gotten off the phone with Burgess. Lullo's got on a flight to New York at 8:30 this morning. What time did 61 get called out?"

Herrmann answered, "Between ten and half past this morning."

Ruzek responded, "He could have gotten a couple of his thugs to take Mills and this Brett girl."

"But why take Gabriela? And why fly to NY if you want revenge?" Atwater said.

"Atwater," Voight said, motioning to him, "I want a list of anyone who'd have a vendetta with Gabriela, Mills or Brett... Ruzek, I want CCTV within a 5 block radius of 61's location. Find me the car he took Mills and Brett in. Halstead, Erin," he turned to them and they looked up for their orders, "Get all you can from Gabriela's car and then trace her movements. I wanna know how this guy got to her."

Matt handed Erin the keys for their apartment and then they left, after Erin placed her hand over Matt's and said, "We'll find her."

Olinsky tapped Voight's arm, "I'll look into Lullo," he said as he left the room, clapping my shoulder as he went, toothpick in mouth.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked Voight. He turned towards me, pointed at Matt and said, "You two, with me."

* * *

We walked to the emergency stair exit and stepped inside, Voight last, closing the green door behind us. Matt stood almost defensively, but his body oozed fear and not anger.

"We need to know why Gabby left shift," Voight said voice that was as gentle as Voight was ever going to get, because he knew how fragile and how desperate Matt was in this moment, and he needed no aggravation.

Matt contemplates arguing, but then he sees that more yelling will get us nowhere, so he sighs and answers, "We got into an argument at shift. She asked to go home. I let her. We didn't speak afterwards, we were too angry and with Donna going into labour, and 61 missing... I didn't think to try to call her until we got here."

Voight nods and Matt rubs his face, exhaling forcefully, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"You gotta find her, please... you-" Matt begs desperately.

Voight looks at him with a fierce determination, "We will. I promise you."

* * *

_**Severide**_

Chief walks with a beaming smile into the waiting room just as Voight, Casey and Antonio rejoined us. Herrmann greets him with a hug, "How's the baby? Donna?"

"Both great," Chief splutters, "Terrence is stable and breathing well. They're gonna bring him to us soon. Donna's fine, tired and grumpy, but perfectly fine."

He's congratulated by all before he asks the question that everyone dreaded, "What's happened?" Chief asks, when he processes the grim feel in the room.

Casey slips out of the room just as Antonio began to explain, he couldn't hear it anymore. He couldn't hear anymore of Mills or Brett or Dawson, he couldn't hear more of how the person he loved more than anything was missing.

He was in the bathroom, throwing up.

I waited until he left the stall, looking pale and grim, and slowly approached the sinks to wash his hands and swill out his mouth.

"I don't care," he says suddenly and I stare incredulously at him.

"Matt? What the hell?"

He shakes his head, "Not like that. I don't care about me being Lt. and her being candidate. I don't care about the job. I need her Kelly, no matter what."

Heck, I couldn't say anything to that, "C'mere man," I mutter and wrap my arms around his shoulders, letting him recuperate in my arms.

"They're gonna find them. Mills, Brett, Dawson, they're gonna be okay..."

Casey nods slightly, but gives no more verbal reply.

When we make our way back the waiting room Mouch says that Chief has returned to Donna and Terrence, but to keep him updated. Everyone is still sat in their seats, worried and scared, murmuring quietly between themselves to not focus on the chaos around them.

Erin and Halstead are standing beside Voight and Antonio, talking in low hurried voices.

"What is it?" Casey questions quickly, nervous and wide-eyed.

Antonio frowns and is almost in tears, Erin answers, "We found a note and a memory stick in your mail box."

"The note?" Casey asks as he steps towards them, hands shaking as he takes the pink paper from Erin.

I stand beside him, "Transfer papers?" Casey murmurs vulnerable as he stares at the sheets in his hands. Erin nods, "Burgess spoke to CFD HQ, Gabby left your apartment and went there to ask for transfer papers. Her car was hit a few blocks from there."

Casey swallows thickly, forcing back tears. He was questioning whether she was transferring to fix things, or whether she was leaving him. I knew the answer, he feared the wrong one.

On the back of the paper was a scrawl that didn't belong to Dawson. It read, '_After everything, she still tries to fix things between you. Why you? What makes you so special? You don't deserve her and you never will Matthew Casey. She's better off with me and she will see that.'_

The papers fall from his hands as he punches the wall with a roar of anger, cracking the paint and plaster. I grab his shoulders and force him into a chair. He's breathing forcefully and his entire body is shaking with rage, "Matt, don't you let this asshole get to you, do you hear me? You know what he said isn't true, so Gabby needs you to stay focused for her, okay?"

"Okay," he grunts with a thick voice and I leave my hands on his shoulders as I look up at Erin, "The memory stick?"

She hesitates, but when Voight shrugs at her, telling her that now is as good a time as any, she pulls out a laptop from a black tech bag and places it on the table in front of us. We wait for her to load the memory stick and it's contents.

"Oh god," Matt mutters when the screen comes to life.

It was a video and dated in the corner it said 'March 14th 2014.' The video was of the inside of Molly's. Dawson sat at the counter, completely alone, working on her laptop. From the angle the video was taken, the camera must have been placed near the front door, possibly on the window sill. Curtains would have covered most of it from view.

_Dawson was typing quickly on her laptop, probably working on orders for Molly's or something. She was playing music, swaying and singing along to the words._

_"...Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs, with the boombox blaring as we're falling in love, got a bottle of whatever but it's getting us drunk, singing here's to never growing up__..." she sings along the beat as she brushes her wild curly hair from her face. _

_Her phone rings and she answers, "Hey Herrmann... yes, I'm placing the orders now, no, I do not need help... Hey! I've done this from day one, now you decide to offer help? Yeah yeah," she laughs, "you run this place, sure thing... Honestly I am fi__ne, yes I'm here all alone but there are no lions, tigers and bears here in Chicago Herrmann so I should be okay," she teases him lightly, "Anyway, thanks for checking up on me. Okay, give my love to Cindy and the kids. Sure thing. Bye Herrmann..."_

_She places the phone beside her laptop and continues singing, this time to a new song, "If you look back in history, it's a common double standard of society, the guy gets all the glory the more he can score, while the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore..."_

_The front door opens and Dawson spins quickly in her chair, her face confused at first but then it lights up as she smiles. "Well look what the cat dragged in," she teased as Casey approached her, dressed in his construction clothes, "You finished early."_

_Casey shrugs as he wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her, "Easy job, you still working on the orders?"_

_Dawson nodded against his chest, "Yes. It's taking forever."_

_Casey laughs, "If you'd stop singing and actually place the orders, I'm sure it'll get done much faster."_

_She slaps his chest lightly, "It's boring. Music helps with boredom. Proven fact."_

_"Okay, okay, sssh," Casey chuckles as he presses his lips against hers again, "Don't start rambling off facts again. I promise to keep my mouth shut."_

_Dawson raises her brows and makes a 'pfft' sound with her lips, "Not in your life Matthew Casey."_

_Casey, who's back was now to the camera, takes a seat next to her and she turns her body to face him, her eyes glistening as she gazed at him, "That statement applies to you more than me."_

_"I beg to differ."_

_"Then beg."_

_"Not my style."_

_She raises her brows once more as she focuses on the laptop screen, "There, done. I'm going home." She collects up her laptop and phone, placing one under her arm and the other in her pocket, sauntering towards the door with a wicked smile on her face, "All alone... Maybe I should call that hot blonde I work with."_

_Casey quickly rises from his chair and heads towards Dawson, easily sweeping her up off her feet and into his arms bridal style, her squealing at the sudden action. "I thank you for the compliment," Casey grins. _

_Dawson rolls her eyes, "Don't get your hopes up loverboy, I was talking about Shay."_

_"Liar."_

As they left Molly's with Dawson laughing the camera went dark, the screen was suddenly filled with the words, _'I have watched her months and fallen in love with every smile, every laugh, every tear, and you, Matthew Casey, are not worthy of her.'_

Casey, shaky, stunned, angered and fearful, calmed his rage enough to say through gritted teeth, "I think it's safe to say that Lullo isn't involved."

Everyone in the room came to the same conclusion and so Otis voiced our next thoughts, "Then who has them?"


	3. Taunt

**Hey everyone! **

**Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I'm so glad that you're all interested in this story!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**xoxoxo**

* * *

_**Mills**_

It was some sort of side room in an old warehouse, that much I could tell. But it hadn't been in use for a long while, perhaps only by squatters, so the air was cold yet stuffy, a stale smell filling my nostrils when I breathed.

I heard a sniffle to my side.

Turning my head slowly as it was still fuzzy from the drugs the bastard had given us, I noticed that Brett was crying again, "Brett?"

She sniffled once more and looked up at the sound of my voice, her body tied to an old wooden chair in the same fashion as me. Hands bound to the wooden arms, legs tied to the chair legs.

"She's really still," is all that she says, glancing her puffy eyes over to the opposite corner of the room, around ten feet away from us.

"Gabby's breathing, look. She's okay," I reply, trying to calm her, but in truth I was just as worried too. Gabby lay, still and unconscious from her own dose of whatever drug, sprawled across a new looking mattress, hands tied to a pipe that ran along the wall it was pressed against.

He'd brought her in around an hour ago, or at least I thought it was that long ago. She had a cut on her head and blood on her face, and she had made muffled noises, as if she was hurt or dazed. He had lain her down on the mattress that was already waiting for her, bound her hands and the moment she showed a sign on consciousness with a groan, he injected her arm.

He had paid little attention to Brett and I, despite the fact that we were calling Gabby and shouting at him. He simply gave us both a once over and left the room, locking the large metal door behind him.

Brett was upset and shaken, but okay, still a little hazy from the drugs, but physically fine. She'd freaked out when we had woken up, bound, in darkness and shivering cold, but after catching my own bearings and trying to calm her down, she eventually had.

"Why us three?" Brett asked, voicing the question I wanted answers to aswell, "What do we three have in common? I've just moved here and if this is to do with Lullo, then why Gabby? She wasn't involved..." Brett trailed off, sniffing once more, her eyes dancing with confusion and fear.

"I don't think it has anything to do with Lullo," I murmur quietly, unable to give a decent answer because I didn't have one, "This guy doesn't seem the type to hang around with him."

Brett shakes her head, more confusion etching itself into her face, "He held us at gunpoint Mills, sounds like something a gangster would do," she answered blankly.

"Gabby wasn't involved in that," is all I can say, because there was a point to her words.

"He couldn't have taken her from shift, she's not in her uniform. Why would she be off shift?"

I shrug slightly, "Maybe she was sick..." I mumble, _what must Casey be thinking? Why the hell was I thinking about Casey? He must be so worried about her... About us. Everyone must be. _

Brett takes a deep breath and tries to stretch out her fingers to reach mine. I meet her half way, but I'm only able to interlock my pinky with her pinky and ring finger. But it was enough. It was comfort.

"Mills, are we gonna be okay?" She asks almost timidly, her voice quieting with every syllable.

"They're definitely looking for us..." I answer.

Brett moves to ask me again, but when she looks into my eyes and realises the answer, she quieted, and we both take to staring at Gabby's limp figure on the mattress.

_I don't know Brett._

* * *

_**Halstead**_

"You know how I always say that I get feelings about cases?... This doesn't feel good Erin, not at all," I say as I hold on to the door handle as Erin cuts a corner too quick.

"We can't talk like that, not when there are people we know involved," Erin answers never taking her eyes off the road.

"Antonio, Casey, 51, couldn't imagine being anyone of those right now," I mutter as she takes the familiar route to Molly's.

"And us, we know them too Jay... You were involved with Gabby..."

I shake my head and turn to look out the window, "Yeah but that was over a year ago and just...besides..." I trail off, not knowing what to say.

"We're gonna find them Jay. She's going to be okay," Erin assures as if she knew what I was thinking.

"It's not like that-"

"I know," she says with a strong voice, "But she's your friend. _They _are _our _friends. It's okay to show you're worried Jay, we all are."

I pause for a moment, realising how right she was. Funny thing was, she usually was always right. That got annoying sometimes.

"Voight doesn't seem worried," I comment after a few seconds.

Erin swallows thickly, "Trust me," she answers quietly, "He's worried."

We pull up outside Molly's and Erin uses the keys we borrowed from Otis to unlock the door. Granted, finding the camera was a long shot, but we had to at least try. This was three of our friends lives at stake here. Erin quickly moves to the window sill where the camera was filmed from and nothing.

She sighs, "At least we know he's been here a few times."

I shrug and glance around the place that we spent so much time in. It seemed different in the day time, without the lights and music and people, almost lonely.

Then the door to the bar opened and in stepped a boy, no older than eleven or twelve. We stared at him, wondering if he was in the right place.

"You lost bud?" I ask him. He was tall for his age, dark-haired and pale skinned, wrapped up in thick jacket and hat.

"You cops?" He said, ignoring my question.

Erin stared at him confused before taking a step closer to him, "Yes we are," she said, showing her badge as proof.

The kid looked and appearing happy with it, nodded, "The guy said to give this to you. Gave me twenty bucks just to follow you guys in here."

"What guy?" I asked hurriedly as Erin rushed out the door, one hand on her holster.

The boy shrugged, "Don't know. He used his hood to cover his face."

I took the envelope from the boy, "Tell me exactly what happened kid..."

"He came up to me and said that he'd give me twenty bucks to come here and give the cops this envelope. He said to wait five minutes once he'd left before I came here. Didn't say anything else."

From this I knew that Erin would find nothing outside.

"Okay kid, take this," I said, pulling out my pad and pen, "Write down your name and details for me."

The boy shrugged again, hopelessly naïve to the situation and in all honestly, it was probably better that he was. I stared down at the blank envelope in my hands and ripped open the flimsy paper. Inside I found two photos.

One was dated from mid April this year, it was of Gabby and Casey, sat in a booth at a diner. The photo was taken from outside the diner and it was clear that it had been zoomed in. But I could tell that Casey was smiling and Gabby had her head thrown back in laughter, like she was laughing at something that Casey had said.

The second photo was even more disturbing. It was off Gabby, sprawled inside what appeared to be the trunk of a car. She was unconscious and half her face was splattered with blood from a wound at the top of her head.

"Oh god," Erin murmured beside me. I hadn't noticed her come back in.

"He's taunting us with these photos of her," is what I manage to reply.

"But what about Mills and Brett? What does it mean if he sends no photos of them?"

* * *

**_Casey_**

"Look guys, I understand that this is hard, but if you can think of anyone that would want to hurt Mills, Brett or Dawson, it could really help," Atwater says with his low gravelly voice.

I tried to focus on his voice, tried to focus on the words and their meanings, but I was failing in any attempt to think of useful information because as I could think about was Gabby.

_Was she okay? At least to some degree? _No she was definitely not okay, I knew Gabby and I knew that although she'd put on a strong, defiant, seemingly unbreakable front, she'd be scared, shaky, vulnerable, frightened. I couldn't bare to think of her that way, not without me there to make sure that she was safe, protected and secure. I was scared of losing her, scared of living without her because I was nothing without her.

Gabby had always been the light inside me, no matter if I knew it or not. The moment I met her, all fresh-faced and nervous yet hard-headed and determined on her very first day at 51, Gabby had lit a flame inside of me that I hadn't known could be lit. And when we finally came to our senses, I became aware of this light. A light she kept going with her roaring flame and hot passion, her stubbornness, her hardheaded nature, her laughs and smiles and everything about her. Gabby was this light, Gabby was a part of me that I could never lose and the woman who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

"Casey?" I heard Kelly say as he shook my shoulder lightly.

I look up from my hands, "Sorry, what did you say?"

"Atwater asked if Gabby's had any strange phone calls or letters recently?"

I turned my head to Atwater who sat looking at me and I shook my head, "No, nothing that she told me about... And I haven't noticed anything like that," I mutter, running my hands through my hair.

Before he can answer I say, "What do you think has happened to them? What's happening to her?"

It was if the room's breaths hitched as I asked the questions in everyone's mind. Atwater sighed and shook his heads, "Casey, we just have no way of knowing..."

His words churned my stomach and I hurled myself to my feet, "I can't listen to this..." I exclaim as I throw myself from the room, brushing past Olinsky on the way.

But he grabbed my arm as I practically shoved him out of the way, "Hey Casey, you're gonna wanna listen to this."

I stop in my tracks and see that he and Ruzek were heading into the room I just rushed out of, and so I quickly followed them, hoping that whatever they were going to say would take us a step closer to finding Mills, Brett and Gabby.

"What is it Ruzek?" Atwater asks, standing to meet his partners.

Ruzek seemed confident with his words, "I think I've found the car he used to take Gabby... It's a rental with GPS."

A flash of hope darted through my body, "Do you have a location?"

He nodded, "Voight and Antonio are headed there now."

I stride up to him and say with a tone that resonated no argument, "Take me there."


	4. Missing Three

**Hey guys!**

**I hope you all had an incredibly wonderful Christmas with your families! I know I did! **

**So I apologise for the delay in this new chapter, I've been so busy over the last week sorry!**

**Thank you all for the amazing support for this story and for myself, I'm so very grateful for you all!**

**As much as I know this isn't a cheery fic, I hope you do enjoy reading this chapter. There aren't any huge developements, but you'll see the events of the day catch up to a few of our characters in this chapter!**

**Happy holidays all!**

**oxoxox**

* * *

_**Cruz **_

Ruzek can't, or more like won't, argue with Casey, so only moments after Casey's demand did Ruzek and he rush out the door, Ruzek having to stress to keep up with our Lieutenant, whose feet barely touched the floor as he raced out of the room. We sit in the waiting room unknowing what to do with ourselves. Herrmann arrives back from talking to Chief who had instructed us to go home, get some rest, clear our heads. _Impossible._

But we couldn't do that. We needed to be together right now. Our family needed to be together. We were missing three of our own, the rest of us had to stick together.

After a while of us just sitting there in a morbid silence, Herrmann clasps his hands to his knees as he rises from his seat, "I don't know about you guys but I need a drink. Molly's?" He suggests, his face weary and exhausted. I wondered why he didn't go home to Cindy, but then maybe he thought that he had to be here for us. Herrmann was always secretly protective and that. Besides, he'd stop by home soon enough I was sure.

Since this was about the best offer we were gonna get, everyone nodded and followed his lead. I couldn't think about being alone in my apartment, not after today, I needed to be around people who knew how I was feeling, knew what I was thinking, knew the same fear that seeped through my body as it did theirs.

Atwater, Otis, Mouch, Capp, Severide, Herrmann and I end up at Molly's, nursing whiskey or beer, sitting in almost silence except for Herrmann's and Otis' muttering. It was strange not seeing Dawson behind the bar, she was nearly always there, hitting Otis with a wash cloth or laughing at a flustered Herrmann for being too flustered, or kicking out the latest troublemaker because, for some reason, no one argued twice with Dawson. She was kick ass like that.

I thought of Dawson taking Brett under her wing then, which opened up my train of thought over the woman I had been trying not to think about all day.

_Brett..._

How must she be? Is she okay? Stupid question I know, but _physically_, was she okay? A shiver flashed down my spine when I thought of her hurt, afraid and scared, unknowing as to what was happening to her. I found myself staring at the spot where she had agreed to go on a date with me, smiling her sweet smile at me as she spoke. That night I realised how not only was I attracted to her phyiscally, but how I was attracted to wonderful personality, her smile, her.

It was hard to think about Mills too. The unknowing of what was happening to him, of even if something was happening. Were they still alive? Mills was a tough guy and a part of me knew that he'd try to protect both Brett and Dawson, but there was only so much a guy could take.

And Dawson - I flinched at thinking of what was happening to her. She was clearly a high motivation for whatever was happening, this was only proved by the note and memory stick, and so if she was the prime target then what did it mean for her? Was she okay? I couldn't imagine being Casey right now... What the hell must he thinking?

I looked up at stared at my brothers around me and I could tell just by looking into their eyes that their thoughts mirrored my own. They were worried for our brother and our sisters.

We couldn't lose anyone else.

* * *

_**Casey**_

I could barely stop my stomach from lurching as we drove to the rental car. It wasn't from Ruzek's driving either, which admittedly wasn't grand, it was from the crippling fear that was overwhelming my body. Seeping into my breaths, curling around my heart, drowning my lungs, clutching at my mind with its sharp claws...

_I couldn't lose her. _

I just couldn't. There was simply no argument about it, losing Gabby would... Thinking of life without her was hard enough, I couldn't bare the thought. It was incomprehendable. My life does not exist without her. Gabby is me. Despite everything that had happened, I knew that she loved me and that I loved her. Love was never our problem. But that doesn't matter right now, all that matters is that she is safe and Mills is safe and Brett is safe. _Safe. _

But in reality, how safe were they? Not enough.

Ruzek had barely stopped the car before I lunged from it, quickly spotting Antonio through the sea of police officers and blaring sirens. I rush over to him, finding that he's standing with Voight and Kim Burgess and her partner that I recognised from Molly's, but didn't know by name.

"Did you find anything?" I asked hurriedly when I reach the small crowd, eyes wide as I scanned the dark green Sudan in front of me.

Antonio nods slowly and exhales deeply as he cups my arm with his hand, "Found a little blood... Tech's say it's Gabby's type..." he says and I almost lose whatever composure I had right then, my entire body freezing ice cold.

"Anything else?" Slips from my clenched mouth, the words sounding strange and causing physical pain as I spoke them.

Antonio's eyes flashed over to Voight, who was holding an evidence bag. Voight stepped forward and held the bag closer to my face, "Is this Gabriela's?" he questions, gesturing to the necklace inside the plastic bag.

_No..._

The word echoed in my mind but apparently resonated in reality, and so a flash of something skittered across the older man's face at the word I spoke without realisation.

I quickly explain, "It's Shay's... when she died, Gabby started wearing it - to remember her. She hasn't taken it off since she first put it on. It's Gabby's way of keeping Shay close to her," and as I spoke the words I remember the day that Kelly had given her the necklace. It was the day after Shay's funeral.

_"Severide, I can't-" Gabby argued weakly, her voice hoarse from sobbing, as she shook her hands at his hunched, fragile body._

_He offered his hand once more, his face begging and his eyes threatening to release more tears, "Please Dawson, keep her close. She wouldn't want it going anywhere but to you..."_

_Gabby can't argue with this and as Kelly's drops the necklace into her palm, her fingers curl tightly around it, as if she was trying to stop Shay's aura from escaping. _

_Later that night, long after Kelly had left despite our protests, I found Gabby sitting on the bed, staring down at the jewelry in her palm. Tears slipped down her face, falling as droplets from her jaw to her hands, quiet whimpers escaping despite her attempts to swallow them. _

_I walk over slowly, dropping onto the bed beside her and placing my hand over her spare one. Her fingers instantly intertwine with mine, squeezing tightly. _

_"I don't know how I can do this without her Matt," she whispers vulnerably, her voice cracking as emotion overwhelms her. I pull her into my side, arm wrapped securely around her body as she cried into my shoulder. My heart breaks at her sobs and my heart breaks for Shay. _

_I cry too. _

_I take the necklace from her palm and brush her hair from Gabby's damp face, "Severide's right, Shay would want you to wear this..." I murmur as I take the jewelry and clasp it into place, kissing the base of her neck once it was secure. _

_I then turn Gabby's body to face me once more and as I reach up to wipe her tears away, I find that she is doing the same to me also, "Shay's always going to be here, no matter what..." Then I pull Gabby's shaking body into mine again and hold her as her heart continues to break, how the ache of losing Shay only worsens, how the loss we feel will never cease._

_"I miss her," Gabby cries into my neck, grasping tightly at my skin to keep me close, as if she was scared of losing me too._

_"I do too," I murmur back, "I miss her too baby..."_

"So Gabby would have been wearing this when she was taken?" Ruzek asks, snapping me out of my train of thought. Their eyes seem to lock onto me, lock onto my every word as I replied.

"Yes. She never takes it off," I confirm once more, finding myself having to wipe my wet eyes.

Another breath of fog escapes Antonio as he exhales firmly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he thought, "So what now?" He asks as he turns to Voight.

Voight doesn't miss a beat, "Ruzek, Burgess, Roman, I want a sketch of this S.O.B from the rental company. CCTV too, if there's any," he instructs. A moment later, they were heading to Burgess' patrol car.

"Where do we go now?" I question once the patrol car had pulled off.

"You, go home. There's nothing more you can do here Casey..." I barely let Voight finish before I started yelling.

"You expect me to go home when Gabby's out there, having God's knows what done to her by whoever is bastard is?!"

Antonio steps forward and pushes his hands on my chest, stopping me from getting into Voight's face, "He's right Casey. You need rest. You need to be on your game when we find them, okay?"

I look down at Antonio and it hit me how it hurt to look at him, Gabby and he was so alike it was striking, "Antonio, I just... can't rest when she's out there..." I whisper weepingly and all Antonio does is nod.

"I know Matt... Come on, we'll take you home. I'll call Severide, get him to meet us there."

* * *

_**Severide**_

I pull up at the apartment just in time as Casey, Antonio and Voight arrives. Voight stays in the SUV, watching as Antonio walks beside Casey, who I couldn't tell if he was on the brink of breaking down or hitting something. Perhaps it was both.

"Try to get him to rest, we'll call as soon as we hear anything," Antonio says more to Matt than me, yet he looked at me as he spoke. I noticed how run down he looked, almost as bad as Casey. Well, his sister was missing after all. I only knew what that felt like. Hell.

I nod and swing open the front door, watching as Casey cautiously steps inside, Antonio only leaving after I've almost closed the front door behind me. Casey shuffles in slowly, his feet barely making it off the floor. I doubted his pace was down to exhausation, despite how tired I knew he must be, but down to the realisation that this was one the last places Dawson was before she rushed out the door and headed to the CFD.

I wondered what he must be feeling, then I realised I didn't want to know. Casey must know that Dawson went to the CFD to get a transfer to try to fix the tension between them, heck it had been hard on them lately. They couldn't cut a break. So knowing that Dawson was intent on not giving up on them, it must hurt Casey like hell to know that she was taken in the midst of trying to make things better for them.

He spots a glass of water on the kitchen counter, Dawson's, no doubt. Her bagpack is slumped up against the sofa, he spots this too and his face crumples.

I watch as Casey makes his way to the sofa and reluctantly sits down, unable to relax into the cushions of the sofa. I put the coffeee machine on, I guessed we'd need it.

"I'll be right back," I mutter as I head to the bathroom, noticing how he simply blinks at my words as he stared blankly at the water glass.

I was unlocking the bathroom door when I heard something smash and then a grunt and then a bang. I rush into the living room, Casey's knocked the glass from the table and into the wall, where he has rose and is currently hitting the wall madly with his fist, screaming with pure rage as he does so.

Running over to him I yell, "Casey, man! Stop it! Casey!" and encase his body with my arms, moving him so he no longer has access to the wall. I'm unsure whether he's crying or panting angrily until he sinks to the floor, clutching his hands to his face, finally able to hear the sobs through his muffled mouth.

He buries his head into his knees as the fear, pain, anger, loss and sorrow of the day finally catches up with him, finally enstilling itself into his body. Kneeling down beside him I put my arm around his shoulder, pulling him to my chest.

"What can I do? She's... Kelly she's..." Casey cries almost incoherantly, too afraid to add any word onto the end of the sentence because it either hurt too much or he was afraid of the word. Suddenly he pulls his head out of my chest and mutters, "Sorry, it's fine... You don't-"

"Matt," I tell him seriously, "I'm not going anywhere."

He then nods and another wave of tears wrack through his body, and I sat there and comforted him, finding some comfort for myself too.


	5. Stalker

**Hey everyone!**

**I got this chapter written for you all so here's another update! I hope you enjoy!**

**Again, I thank you all for your interest and support for this story! It means so much to me, so thank you very much.**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Severide_**

After Casey had calmed down enough, he fell asleep on the sofa with his arms wrapped tightly around himself. I sighed slowly, I had no idea what to do or say to him, but I guessed just being here was as good as anything right now. I sat in the armchair beside the sofa with no intention of falling asleep but inevitably did, the events of the day finally catching up with me.

It was three hours later when I got a call from Antonio asking me to return to Molly's and to bring Casey. It was almost 9pm, but when I stirred Casey and told him what Antonio had asked, he sprang from the sofa and towards the door without a second to waste. When we got to Molly's, it was empty apart from members of 51 and Voight, Antonio, Erin and Halstead.

Antonio takes in Casey's gaunt face and wraps his arms around his body, Casey struggling to react to Antonio. I saw the look on his face and instantly knew what he was thinking, Dawson and her brother were so alike that Casey only had to look at Antonio and see his fiancee in his features.

Then Erin approaches Casey and places her hand on his arm, "Casey, there's something we need to show you..." she says quietly, and the murmuring of the guys behind her ceased, as they seemingly knew what was coming, "Whoever took them got a kid to give this to us."

Casey nods his head slowly, his face blank as he approaches the bar and slumps into a stool, rubbing his hands against his face to prepare for what was coming. Erin reaches into her jacket and pulls out a ripped envelope. Casey watches as she pulls out photographs from inside and I watch as Casey's face pales, how his eyes swell with fear.

Voight and Antonio stand with Halstead, the latter propped up against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. Antonio is shuffling his weight from foot to foot nervously and Voight has one eye on Antonio's movements and another on Casey's face, watching silently. The guys watch Casey anxiously, the expressions on their faces showing me how badly they expected Casey to react.

I look over Casey's shoulder as he takes the photos from Erin. The first, a photo of Dawson and him at diner clearly taken from across the street. Casey was smiling at Dawson as she threw her head back with laughter, her eyes glistening with happiness. The second photo and the one that made Casey lose his cool, was a photo of Dawson in the trunk of a car, unconscious, with half her face painted with crimson blood.

There was a pause as he took in the photo with no obvious outward reaction to what he was seeing, but after that second of eery silence had passed Casey violently rose from the stool, knocking it to the ground, and took a glass of beer that had been sitting on the bar, and smashed it against the wall with a loud yell.

Everyone seems to lurch forward towards him before he completely loses it, and Halstead and I get to him just after he's punched the wall once and stop him from doing it again. He fights against our grip but he's too tired, too angry and too afraid to think clear enough to escape from our hold on him.

"Dammit Matt, you know this doesn't solve anything! It didn't solve it earlier and it won't solve it now. Calm down man, this bastard isn't going to get what he wants you hear? He won't get her. I promise you that," I tell him as I shake his arms to make him listen to me.

Casey glares angrily at me as Halstead finally deems it safe to let him go, "Get what he wants? Kelly he already has her! He has Brett and Mills too! You think he doesn't have what he wants? Of course he does because he's sending these fucking pictures and he's getting a real kick out of doing this! This bastard has been stalking Gabby for months-"

His words cut off sharply, his breathing heavy as his eyes widen with a sudden realisation, "Stalked," he repeats again, and I can practically see the clogs turning in his head.

"Matt, what is it?" Antonio asks as he steps forward, seeing that Matt's stumbled across something in his head.

"A couple months ago, just before Jones died, Gabby thought she was being stalked by this guy from Main," Casey explains with the rage increasing in his voice as he continued to speak. To Casey he'd just realised who had Dawson, Mills and Brett.

"Yeah," I answer, "I remember you talking about it..."

"Ramsey. He was called Ramsey," Casey says to Antonio and Voight, his teeth gritted with rage.

Then Ruzek bursts through the door of Molly's clutching white paper in his hands, "Rental company gave me CCTV of the guy who rented the Sudan. I've got his picture. Facial recognition identifies him as Victor Ramsey, works for the CECC. He's a dispatcher."

Casey rushes over and snatches the paper from him, staring at the photo in his hands. A moment later he holds up the paper with a murderous look in his eye.

"That's him. That's who was stalking Gabby."

* * *

**_Brett_**

"Looks like Gabby fought him," I mutter after scanning her unconscious form for the umpteenth time as it was the only thing keeping me sane, focusing on Gabby. Focusing on her injuries, how they should be treated and so on... Anything to distract me from this dark, dismal room.

Mills nodded, we were both okay, a little fuzzy from being knocked out, but physically okay. But I couldn't stop my body from shaking and despite it being cold in here, my quaking had nothing to do with the temperature.

"She looks okay though, that's the main thing..." he trails off, his voice hushing to a mere whisper.

"She should wake up soon, right?" I ask because it seemed as if a lot of time had passed, but I couldn't be sure. This room had no windows.

He nods once more, "Yeah, it's a been a while."

Then I ask the question that had been on a mind since the guy pulled up at our ambo all those hours ago, "Do you know who he is? I mean... do you recognise him? Because I don't."

Moments pass before Mills answers, "I don't think so... I don't... I don't think I've seen him before."

"Why the hesistation?"

He seemed to be fighting with something in his head, "I've just got a feeling... Like he's not some stranger, at least not to Gabby. He definitely knows her."

Realisation dawns on me, "This isn't about us, is it Mills? We get hard old chairs and Gabby gets a new mattress, and he seemed as if he almost..._cared _for her when he brought her in. It's not us he wants."

Mills finally turns to look at me with a sympathetic look in his eye, he'd already figured this out a long while ago, "We're a diversion Sylvie, it's not us he's interested in."

"Will we be okay?" I ask hurriedly, if this was the case, then how long would he leave Mills and I alone? Would he let us go or...?

He nods determinedly and then says, "I don't think he wants to hurt us Sylvie..." in a quiet mumble, his gaze returning to Gabby once more.

_He doesn't want to hurt us, but Gabby..._

As this thought crosses my mind I hear a groan coming from the opposite side of the room. It's Gabby, she's finally stirring. Another groan escapes her and her brows crease, her body squirming with sudden consciousness.

She tries to move her hands, but their secured above her as she lay her side, arms pulled above her head. Drunk with drug-induced sleep she pulls roughly on the ties that bound her, pulling harder when she finds she can't free herself.

"Gabby, it's okay... It's Mills, and Sylvie, Gabby..." Mills says as he tries to catch her attention, talking in the calmest voice he could manage.

Finally she opens her eyes and they widen with fear, as it dawned on her where she was. She sees Mills and I bound to chairs, her breathing heavy with shock, and manages to lift herself up into a sitting position quickly, pulling as hard as she could on the pipe that she was tied to.

"Gabby, stop it, hey Gabs, you'll hurt yourself!" Mills calls as she tugs so violently that the plastic ties dug into her skin and caused it to bleed.

Breathing heavy and tears running down her frightened face, she turns to us, her body shaking and asks, "What's happening to us?"

"I don't know," Mills answers as honestly as he can with a slow and steady voice. A sob wrecks through Gabby's body at his answer, "Gabby, what happened to you?"

Gabby tries to gather her thoughts and remember, "...I was driving, I think... A car crashed into mine. I passed out..." she stammers as her memory comes back to her, as she tries to put the pieces.

"So that head injury isn't from fighting him. He knocked her off the road," I murmur quietly to Mills who nods, Gabby unaware of our talking as she's focused on remembering.

"Gabby," Mills asks her again, "Did they know we were missing?"

Her head snaps up to look at us and she shakes it, "Not when I left... I... Matt and I... I went home, we thought you had been called elsewhere... My brother, Antonio will be looking for us..."

She wasn't thinking clearly, nor was she was making much sense to Mills and I, but I guessed that was just from her injury and whatever drug our captor had given her. I wondered what happened between her and Matt, but right now she was in no state to answer many questions... And I didn't want to upset her anymore than she was already.

Mills nods and soothes quietly, "Yes, Antonio will be looking for us Gabby, we'll be okay..."

Another sob escapes her lips, "Why take us?" Gabby questions vulnerably, her voice timid and nervous.

Mills and I were pretty sure on what was going on, but I didn't think now was the right time to explain to her that we were a diversion and that she was the main target, and Mills seemed to agree with me.

"We don't know," I murmur to her, "We don't know who he is."

"Describe him."

Mills scrunches his face up at her in confusion, but I answer her anyway, "Tall. White. Really skinny. Um, dark hair. He came across as weird, he-"

Gabby seems to look as if she's realised something, "Did he talk with a stammer?"

"Yeah," Mills answers with even more confusion, "How did you know?"

Gabby's face oozes with disgust and fear, "I know who he is..." she answers before looking to the door and yelling, "Victor Ramsey! I know it's you! Ramsey you get your sorry ass in here!"

"Gabby!" Mills hisses at her.

There's a shuffling behind the door. The lock clicks. It begins to open.

A figure steps inside.


	6. Dead Ends

**Hey everyone!**

**I am terribly sorry for such the delay on this new chapter. I haven't had much time at all to write, school has just been so hectic for me and right now I'm struggling to find a good balance between all aspects of my life. But I am still so sorry for the delay; I promise I'll keep trying to get these chapters up sooner to you all.**

**Thank you for sticking by me through this story and thank you for continuing to support me. I am forever grateful for you all.**

**Love Hannah.**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Mills  
_**

"Gabriela, you're up..." The voice noted with a calm tone that hinted at being excited at the sight of her.

As the figure, Ramsey, took a good look at her, I did too. Gabby was flushed and her eyes were red, puffy, highlighting that she must have been crying before Ramsey took her. She stared, angrily, determinedly at Ramsey as he stepped inside the room, her nose crinkling with contempt for him. Her shirt was ruffled from her ordeal and her jeans clung to her shivering body. She sneered at Ramsey as he approached, showing much more anger than fear, but that was Gabby. She wasn't going to let him see her afraid, despite how much she was.

As she pressed her body ever so slightly further into the grey stone wall, her hands bound to her side, she growled, "You son of a bitch. Ramsey, you bastard! I believed you! I believed you when you said you weren't a creep!"

Ramsey swallowed up her words before rushing forward and slapping her so hard that the sound vibrated through the room. Her head flung to the side due to the force, her messy hair drooping to cover her face.

"Get off her! Don't you touch her! You bastard!" I scream at him, fighting against my bounds, but he didn't seem to care. He didn't even glance at me.

Gabby, after a many seconds pause, exhaled slowly as she lifted her head to face him once more. Her cheek was an angry red, but she did not show her pain. She continued to stare angrily at him and her jaw appeared to be clenched tightly, as if she was holding her tongue.

"You'll learn not to speak to me in that way," Ramsey eventually said, and he seemed to be holding himself back, his voice strained as he fought with himself to remain calm.

Gabby clicked her jaw before sneered with her brows raised, "Go to hell."

I had no idea what Gabby was doing, antagonising him like this, but she was doing a damn good job of it. I yelled out for her to stop but neither Gabby or Ramsey acknowledged my calls. They were engaged in a silent battle of wills, Gabby glaring up at him with a stern look in her eye, Ramsey staring down at her as he deliberated what to do. I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears and my stomach twisted with a sinking feeling, and just when I realised what was happening, I felt Brett outstretch her hand as much as she could, and curl her fingers around mine as a cry escaped her lips.

Ramsey had knelt down and swiftly curled his fist and knocked it against Gabby's jaw. She grunted, but didn't have time to catch her breath before Ramsey had stood with a fistful of her hair in his hand, and kicked her forcefully in the stomach. She cried out, her eyes clenching closed tightly with pain, and I yelled and screamed at him, but my voice fell on deaf ears. He continued his beating with a few more punches until, panting and overwhelmed, he stopped, knelt down and pressed a kiss to Gabby's flushed head. Despite her injuries, Gabby flinched and muttered weakly, "Don't touch me," her words strained with pain.

As he turned away from her he said, with a patient tone, "You'll learn."

As he passed by Brett and I, the former who I could feel was shaking and sobbing, I spat at his feet, "I swear to God they're gonna kill you. When they find us, you'll be lucky if they let you off easy with a bullet in your head, you fucking son of a bitch."

Ramsey appeared exhausted from the beating he had inflicted on a now dazed Gabby, but even so he managed to smirk at me, "When they find you? It's been hours, where are they then, huh?"

Satisfied and smug, he shuffled out the room and locked the large door behind him.

The first thing that struck me was the smell of blood, the second was Gabby's strained breathing and the third was Brett's calling to her, but finding no reply.

"Gabby, can you hear me? Gabby, oh god Gabby..." Brett called worriedly, her voice quaking as she spoke.

Gabby lay strewn across the mattress, her breathing jagged and her body already bruising from Ramsey's fists. The skin on her mocha arms were already blotching with angry red patches, one hand print clearly visible on her left arm. Ramsey, either intentionally or unintentionally, had managed not to hit Gabby's eyes, but a large mark on her jaw indicated that her face hadn't escaped injury. From her hitched breathing it was clear that either her ribs were broken or at least cracked, down to the forceful foot that had come into contact with her chest.

My fists unconsciously clenched at the sight of her, full of rage and want to be let free to lay my anger into Ramsey's fist.

Brett continued to call out to Gabby and after a few minutes of painful waiting, did she let out a groan and a cough. As consciousness crept back into her, the force of Ramsey's beating must have hit home as her face screwed up with pain.

"I'm okay," she whispered weakly with barely any tone to her voice at all. I watched as she tried to lift herself up and I spoke for the first time since Ramsey had left.

"Gabby stop!" I warned, "Rest. There's no need for you to move."

I expected her to give a smart-assed reply, a roll of her eyes or even a huff of annoyance as Gabby would have thought my words to be condescending, but she only listened, and lay still on the mattress.

"You lied to me earlier," Gabby muttered with a hiss as she exhaled evidence of the pain in her chest.

Even through half opened eyes she saw the looks of confused on Brett and mine's faces, so she elaborated, "When I asked 'why us?' you knew..."

Realisation dawned on us and Brett was first to reply, "We didn't want to scare you more than you already were-"

Smiling weakly, Gabby interrupted, "I know Sylvie... I'm not mad... I get it... This is good though..."

My body heated with even more rage, this time directed at her complacency and blasé words, "How the hell is this good Gabby? Look at you."

With strong determined eyes she looked between Brett and me before answering, "But he doesn't want you guys. He doesn't want to hurt you - if he did, he would've already."

"And?! We're still here!" Brett exclaimed with wide shocked eyes.

Gabby nodded slowly, her eyes half open and her body shaking with pain, "It means I can get him to let you both go."

* * *

**_Antonio_**

Nothing.

We found absolutely _nothing _in Ramsey's apartment that would indicate where he's keeping Gabby, Mills and Brett. Nothing but a box with photos and videos that the creep had taken of Gabby, spawning from work, Molly's, her favourite restaurant and coffee shop, her old apartment, Matt's old house and their new apartment. There were some of Gabby on a run alone or with Matt, and there were photos and a video of Gabby visiting Shay's grave.

Apart from that, the place was a dead end.

I kicked his bathroom door in anger. My foot went straight through, the cracking sounding resonating throughout the dusty, stuffy apartment. Voight managed to appear from nowhere, or maybe it seemed like that because I wasn't focused on anything but the fact that we weren't a step closer to finding my baby sister.

"There's fuck all here Voight. Nothing but more evidence that this bastard stalked my sister for months!" I yelled loudly with exasperation and annoyance, trying to resist the urge to punch something.

Perhaps Voight doesn't know what to say or perhaps he's just allowing me to let off steam, but he doesn't say anything.

"You would have thought that maybe she'd have picked up on it, or Matt would have or anyone, but it's like he was a ghost Voight," I mutter with a lower tone, rubbing the back of my neck as I leaned up against the wall.

"He's a loner Antonio and he was good at keeping himself at a distance, making himself unseen. They couldn't have known," he answers with his gritty voice, his arms crossed over his chest.

I exhale slowly, rubbing my face as Voight's words sunk in and moments later, a memory came to mind, "Even when Gabby was a kid she was always the first person there when I needed it... I was 24 and was in my third year as a beat cop," I explained as Voight leaned up against the doorframe, eyes trained on me as he listened intently, "And I was walking the streets of my neighbourhood with my old partner, Trevon, when we heard gunshots. Long story short, I got grazed by a bullet on my shoulder and so they took me to hospital. Laura was on a girls holiday and my parents had been in work, so when the hospital phoned home Gabby answered... 20 minutes later she turns up at the hospital, soaking wet from head to toe, bright red, panting like crazy... She'd run all the way to the hospital in the rain just to be with me..." I laughed lightly to myself as I remembered, even noticing Voight cracking a sliver of a smile, "She did not leave my side and when she had to, I was hounded with constant phone calls to see if I was okay. And I can tell you another hundred stories just like that one Voight..."

"Your sister is a remarkable woman Antonio and I promise you, if we have to go to hell and back to find her safe, I swear to you that's what we'll do."

Voight's words left room for no argument, no 'what ifs', no nothing. The stern and strong look in his eye reminded me a lot of Gabby and I believed that no matter what he'd keep fighting just like he had said he would. I knew Gabby would too, so that meant I had to keep fighting too.

"Call Casey," Voight murmurs as he pats my arm before leaving the room, "Let him know what's going on."

I dialled Matt's number and he answered on the first ring, "_Antonio? Have you found anything? Have you found her?"_

I couldn't ignore the desperation and despair in his voice, the pain of losing my sister becoming all too much for him. I almost flinched at the tone in his voice.

"No Matt, I'm sorry..." I answer quietly, "There's nothing here but photos and videos he's taken of Gabby."

If you could hear hearts break, I just listened to it.

"_Antonio... I don't know what to I'll do if-"_

"You can't think like that Matt," I tell him firmly, "You know Gabby will keep fighting, so you have to. For her."

_"I'm not giving up Antonio, I'll never give up on your sister. She's too important. I love her."_

"I know you do Matt and trust me, I know how hard it is to sit and wait and hope that we'll find something that leads to her. And we will, we just have to be patient, however hard it sounds. We'll find them all."

He doesn't reply but the line is not dead. I can hear movement.

"Matt?" But he still doesn't answer, "MATT!"

_"Antonio? B-Brett and Mills just walked in..."_


	7. Tears

**Hey guys! **

**I hope this chapter can make up the delay for the last one!**

**There's not much of a development, but it explains in much more detail what we found out in the last chapter. In the next, you'll see what led to Mills and Brett turning up in Molly's and where Gabby is now because of it. **

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**Love Hannah.**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Casey_**

I call her cell countless times. I know she won't answer, but a fleeting part of me thinks _maybe. _Maybe she will pick up. But she doesn't. Of course she doesn't. Her phone is evidence and Gabby's elsewhere, somewhere, with that bastard.

So I continue to call, the idea of her answering leaving my mind which is now only concerned with listening to her voicemail over and over, the sound of her velvelty smooth low voice filling my head. It's all I want to hear, all I want to think about, and for a while, I allow myself the slight comfort of her voice, over and over.

"Hey, this is Gabby. Sorry I missed you, leave a message and I'll call you back asap. Have a great day."

I redial so much that the battery life of my phone depleted by half. As of now, it was the closest thing I had to hearing her voice, the only thing grounding me enough to not go find Ramsey myself, wrench in hand and bring all three of them back, safe.

Gabby being in the hands of her stalker was something I couldn't stomach, something that sent my stomach churning whenever I thought about it. I imagined her face, red from crying, eyes wide and scared, lips shouting words of 'Stop!' and 'Let me go!' I flinched with the thought and decided that if I was to stay sane long enough until we had lead at least, I had to stay clear of my imagination.

Things hadn't been great between Gabby and I for awhile, that much was plain and simple. The whole Lt. and Candidate thing was tough on both of us, and I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't affecting our home life, no matter how much I tried to ignore it. In truth, I didn't know how we could change things for the better, but Gabby had appeared to try. She'd gone to the CFD just before she was taken, requesting transfer papers, and according to the cops, she'd been flustered and upset. She was trying to make it easier on the both of us after our argument, but if we couldn't talk about anything, her transferring would change very little. The change in our work lives had greatly affected our communication, right down to the point where it could break us. I couldn't let that happen. No matter what. I couldn't lose her.

_"This is just a job. What we have is everything."_

She'd said those words months ago and we'd both believed them, both understood what those words entailed. But we'd gone against what we wanted, and we'd let the job get in the way when we'd promised it wouldn't. But perhaps those words meant more now, when I'm faced with the prospect of losing her. Job or no job, Gabby was my everything, and there's nothing I would stop at doing to ensure that we lived out the rest of our days together.

I'd argued with Antonio about going with them to Ramsey's place, but both he and Kelly argued against it, and so I didn't end up going. In the time he, Halstead and Voight had gone, leaving just Lindsay, Boden had called with an update that Terrence was still in ICU, but the doctors had said he was stable. When he asked about any news on Gabby, Mills and Brett, I said nothing and he understood, just saying to keep him updated.

It was nearing 7:30pm when I my cell rang, Antonio popping up as caller ID. I answered instantly, jumping up to pull my phone to my ear.

"Antonio? Have you found anything? Have you found her?" I say into the phone with a hurried voice, my body shaking at the possibility of news. Of the possibilty that Gabby was safe, that they were all safe and that Ramsey had a hole in his head.

_"No Matt, I'm sorry..." _he answers quietly, with a sad helpless tone and my body depletes with devastation and fear, _"There's nothing here but photos and videos he's taken of Gabby..." _

Half of me was livid with the idea that this creep had watched Gabby for months, watched her every move and documented it. She would think of nothing worse, her privacy invaded in such a vile and horrendous way, but the other half of me couldn't focus on this. I could only focus on the fact that they'd found nothing and that we weren't a step closer to finding them at all.

I slumped back into my seat, feeling eyes on me as I did so, my chest aching with sadness and pain and loss. Perhaps a sob came from me, perhaps a cry, I couldn't really tell much besides of the thumping of my pulse in my head.

"Antonio... I don't know what I'll do if-" I murmur, my voice sounding just as desperate and distraught as I felt as I thought of the worst possible outcome, losing her.

"_You can't think like that Matt,"_ Antonio tells me with a firm tone that warrants no argument, _"You know Gabby will keep fighting, so you have to. For her."_

"I'm not giving up Antonio. I'll never give up on your sister. She's too important. I love her," I answer him quickly, summing up exactly how I felt and how I would continue to feel for the rest of my life.

_"I know you do Matt and trust me, I know how hard it is to sit and wait and hope that we'll find something that leads to her. And we will, we just have to be patient, however hard it sounds. We'll find them all."_

I listen to his words but before I can answer, I heard the front door of Molly's open and I watched as Herrmann looked up from the bar, glass and cloth in hand, trying to distract himself from the situation that faced us all.

His eyes widened, his jaw practically dropped, and I couldn't really make out the expression on his face. Slowly, gently, I turned in my chair, my body too drained to move quickly, and my eyes met what Herrmann had been greeted with.

Brett and Mills had walked through the door.

I almost fell forward in shock, a hand coming from Kelly to keep me steady. I stared up wondrously and with utter confusion at them. They looked physically fine, though Mills was holding his arm as if he were in pain with it. He looked shocked and tired, dark bags under his eyes in contrast with his usually dark, but now much paler skin. Brett was in worse shape, she looked panicked and it was clear that she was shaking. Her eyes were not tired, just wide with anxiety and pure shock as her blonde ponytail lay limp against her shuddering shoulders.

But they weren't with Gabby. And Gabby didn't walk in the door behind them. And then the door closed, without Gabby reaching out to hold the door open for herself.

Gabby wasn't here.

_"Matt?"_ I heard Antonio yell down the phone to me, worriedly and almost frantically, _"Matt!"_

I swallowed thickly and my wide eyes focused on nothing but the shaking and fearful figures in front of me, "Antonio, B-Brett and Mills just walked in..." I stammer almost incoherantly.

The room stood still for moments, everyone staring at Mills and Brett, Mills and Brett staring right back at us.

_"We'll be ten minutes,"_ Antonio said hurriedly before the line went dead.

Lindsay was the first to hurriedly approach them, guiding Brett to the booth where Cruz and Otis took over as she tended to Mills with Herrmann, who had rushed from behind the bar.

I can't say a word, but the entire time I feel Mills' eyes on me. I can tell he's confused as to why I'm silent, but I can't ask the question that may be answered with words that would shatter my world. Words that would tear me to shreds. Words that would be a stab to the chest.

Brett is babbling and as I'm not focusing on her words, I can't really make out what she's saying. I can still feel Mills' eyes on me as he explains to Herrmann that his shoulder is either fractured or dislocated, but physically, that they're both fine.

Kelly's arm has secured itself around me, holding my shocked body in place as I feel a million emotions flood through me and a million thoughts flash through my mind.

_"...she wouldn't listen... we tried... she wanted to make... make sure we were okay... I didn't... we couldn't..."_ Kelly was trying to talk to me, but all I could suddenly hear was Brett's rambling and how I couldn't make sense of it, but how I could catch the jist of what she was saying.

Mills shrugs off any poking and prodding from Herrmann and Lindsay, and lifts himself from his chair, a flash of pain searing across his face as his shoulder caused him discomfort. I watch as he makes his way over to me and sits down on the stool beside me, Kelly's grip tightening on me as he feared the worse.

The way Mills looks at me disturbs me, frightens me to the bone, makes me feel more fear than I have ever felt, and the only words that I can say are, "What is Brett talking about? Mills?" I question frantically.

The younger man glances briefly at Brett and then back at me, sadness written into every feature.

"Mills, don't you dare..." I murmur weakly, my voice catching in my throat as he moves to speak.

He shakes his head, "Casey, she's not dead. Gabby's alive," he confirms strongly.

"Then where is she?!"

I study his face, how his eyes tear at my words. And if I feared his affections for Gabby before, I didn't now. The look in his eye was not of man who was scared of losing the woman he loved, it was the look of man who was scared of losing a dear friend. What Gabby had been trying to tell me all along was confirmed. He was her friend. Of course Mills cared for her, of course she cared for him, but that relationship had a boundary of friendship and that was it.

Mills swallows thickly and the words looked as if they tasted bitter as they came out of his mouth, "Gabby made him take her somewhere. She talked him into it, so she could make sure we were safe... We tried to stop her, we did, but she wouldn't... she wouldn't listen."

Mills was angry at her for this, I could see that in his eyes. My stomach lurched at his words and I crumpled into a hole of despair. Brett had heard Mills and now she was crying. I was too. Half the room was and the other half, had looks of grief on their faces.

I was too upset too speak, to caught up in the development that had got us Brett and Mills back, but had pushed Gabby away from us. Kelly spoke instead, "What do you mean, 'take her somewhere?' Take her where?"

Mills shook his head, "He didn't say... And by the time I managed to get out of the ties, they were gone..."

"How was she?" spurred from my lips as I stared of the picture of Gabby with Herrmann and Otis above the Molly's cash till. She was smiling and my heart ached.

Shaking his head again Mills said, "Matt, you-"

"Please," I begged, "How was she?"

Mills paused grimily, but gave in to my request. Kelly, Herrmann, Lindsay, Cruz, Otis, Mouch, Capp and I, the entire room was hooked onto Mills' words, even Brett. Yet she was sobbing and I was fearful as to why, she knew what had happened and she was crying.

Mills was trying to swallow, but a lump in his throat prevented him from doing so, so he spoke anyway, "When he, Ramsey," he confirmed that it was that bastard, "brought her in she was unconscious and apart from a cut on her head she looked fine. When Gabby stirred, he knocked her out with whatever drug he'd used on us... When she was out we realised it wasn't anything to do with us, that he was only interested in her and then Gabby woke up... She freaked out and tried to get her hands free, but the ties cut her hands so she stopped..." he swallowed but I pressed for him to continue, "She was asking questions, so did we, and when we described Ramsey, she instantly knew it was him... And she started calling for him, yelling at him like she wasn't afraid of him..."

My body was shaking and I could tell that Kelly knew, as his hand squeezed my arm, silently comforting me as Mills continued.

"And he comes in, she yells at him some more in typical Gabby fashion. And... Matt you don't-" Mills says quietly, hesistating to speak.

"I want to hear this, Mills, please," I tell him defiantly with a tone that said not to argue with me and so Mills carried on, with an upset clear in his voice.

"He hit her and told her that she'll 'learn not to speak to him like that.' And no matter how much I screamed at him, he ignored me as if I wasn't there. And she told him to 'go to hell' and then... he beat her Casey, he beat her and there was nothing I could do..."

Mills breaks down crying, crying because he couldn't protect his friend, crying because of everything that had happened.

I was crying too. Crying for Gabby, crying for Mills, crying for Brett, for myself. For everyone who was affected in this mess.

I reach out my arm and hug Mills, "It's not your fault, Mills, it's not your fault."


	8. Heartbroken

**Hey guys!**

**As per usual, thank you for all your wonderful and overwhelming support! I couldn't do this without you guys!**

**So this chapter is continuing on from the last one and it's in the next chapter that you guys will see what happened with Gabby and Ramsey to get Mills and Brett free, and what gets us to this point in the story.**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

**Love Hannah.**

**oxoxoxo**

* * *

**_Severide_**

Mills and Brett retold their story to Antonio and Voight before being taken to the hospital by Lindsay and Halstead, Cruz and Otis leaving to meet them at the hospital. Mills had told them of the address of the old warehouse where they were kept and of how they'd caught a cab here to Molly's.

The story went that Gabby had managed to get Ramsey to think that she was on his side and she had suggested that they go elsewhere, for privacy. Ramsey, apparently ecstatic that Gabby 'had learned so quickly' as Mills had put it, immediately took her up on her offer. He'd drugged Gabby and taken her out of the room, telling them that if they got out of their bounds before he'd left, that he'd kill both them and Gabby. After he left, Mills had struggled so much that his chair had fallen and the arm of it had broken off, allowing him to escape from his bounds and release Brett.

He explained of how when they got outside, they saw the back end of a silver sudan taking a corner but that was they got of the car before it disappeared out of view. Gabby was still in the wind and as of now, they had no leads as to where Ramsey could have taken her.

This news shook Matt even more, as far as he, or any of us knew at this point, was that Gabby was beaten and alone with Ramsey, her stalker. We had no idea at was what happening to her, no idea of what condition she was in and the not knowing was one of the worst parts.

Whilst standing with Atwater I catch the tail end of a conversation between Matt and Antonio, "...She's alone with him Antonio, completely alone. What does he want from her? What does he want that he hasn't already taken?"

The words sink my stomach and cause goose-bumps to rise on my skin, I saw this a little more objectively than Matt and I knew the answer to his question. There were still things Ramsey could take from Gabby, still things he could do. They were alone. Atwater gives me a knowing look, Voight's giving the same look to Matt, they know too.

Antonio rubs his weary face, "Matt, we can't think like this. We've just got to think of how to get her back."

Matt slams his fist on the bar, "Whilst he's doing god knows what to her? No Antonio, you know exactly what he could be doing!" The words were loud and forceful, but they weren't angry words, they were scared, distraught, heartbroken.

Antonio swallows thickly and it seems as if the older man is holding back his tears, trying to stay strong for his baby sister, trying to stay strong for the man she loved, but he was failing, Matt's words making him face what he'd been trying to ignore.

"_I _can't think of that Matt! I can't think of... _that_ because she's my little sister and I should have protected her!"

Perhaps Voight thought that his fight was going to come to blows, I sure did, or perhaps he just thought that they didn't need to be screaming at each other when they were trying to focus, but the man steps in between the two and they both silence.

Both Matt and Antonio stare at Voight for a few moments before he says a word, "This isn't helping Gabby, not in any way shape or form. She's strong and she's a fighter, so the moment the two men she loves more than anything lose their heads you're underestimating her, and you're letting her down when she needs you most."

Matt's breathing heavy, Antonio's holding back tears, both men seem completely unreachable in terms of talking them off the edge, but Voight's words work. He calms them enough that anger doesn't seep from every single pore, enough so they can think somewhat clearly.

After a long moment passes, Voight continues on with talk of the investigation, "Olinsky is looking into a few leads with Burgess and Roman. Whilst he's doing that we're going to go the warehouse where Ramsey held them see if there's anything that can lead us to her, understood?"

They almost nod in sync, Matt and Antonio, both now focused on Voight's words. He'd given them a task, a purpose, an objective to focus on to actively try to make strides in finding Gabby, rather than just sit around fretting.

So we head to the address Mills had given us, Matt, Antonio, Voight, Atwater and I at least. Herrmann and those left at Molly's decide to head to the hospital to check on the Boden's and Mills and Brett, saying that they'll call with any news.

As we drive along in the SUV Antonio murmurs to Voight, "Ruzek still sifting through CCTV?"

Voight, who was driving, nods, "Hasn't found anything solid yet, but there's still a lot to get through."

I could only hope for a break through sooner rather than later, for everyone's sakes.

* * *

**_Casey_**

The sound of our footsteps echo throughout the old warehouse as we walk through. The imprint of shoes are scuffed along the floor from multiple people and they lead us to the dingy room where they were kept.

My heart races as I step inside behind Voight and Antonio and the first thing I notice is the broken chair on the floor. _Mills' chair. _According to Voight, rope was on the floor before it. Voight says that CSI couldn't find much beyond what we already knew. Gabby's, Mills', Brett's and Ramsey's fingerprints were everywhere, Gabby's blood was apparently found inside this room.

The chairs and the mattress are a good six feet apart. The mattress, where Gabby was placed, is pressed against a wall with an old pipe running along it. Rope was wrapped around that too, the binds that had held Gabby, they were said to be covered in blood from where Gabby pulled against them so much.

I wondered whether the walls were echoing Gabby's yells and screams, or whether they were just in my head. I stared at that mattress and pictured her laying there, frightened and terrified, knowing how much danger she was in, taking that beating... I pictured her tears.

I felt sick.

"I can feel her here," I whispered to Kelly, completely sure that I sounded out of my mind crazy. But it was true, I felt Gabby's presence here, I felt her smile and her laugh and her bright eyes and her tears and sadness and cries all mixed into one big bowl of the woman I loved.

Kelly nods and the look on his face tells me that he completely understands, and I guess he did. He still has trouble with going back to the apartment he shared with Shay, even if he's in need of something he left there. I think it's because he can feel Shay there too, even though she's gone.

I watch Antonio as he searches all around the room and then repeats, studying the place where his baby sister was held, "Gabby convinced Ramsey to take her somewhere, alone..."

Voight nods and turns to Antonio, "She was protecting Mills and Brett, making sure that he wasn't going to hurt them."

"But why? Why did she think that he was going to hurt them? Ramsey only hit her, even though Mills gave him enough reason to lash out, but he didn't," Antonio argued and I could tell that he was confused with Gabby's actions.

No one spoke, no one had the answer. I was just as confused as Antonio, he'd made a good point. Why fear for Mills and Brett if he'd only harmed her, even though he had every chance to hurt them?

"It's not about Gabby thinking he was going to hurt Mills or Brett," Kelly says quietly, out of the blue, causing everyone to turn to him for explanation. He frowns and sorrow flashes across his face, "Gabby feels guilty over Shay's death because they traded places, she thinks that it should have been her," he breathes in deeply, memories of that day resurfacing, "Gabby, in her eyes, is making sure that no one else... is hurt instead of her."

And of course, this mad perfect sense.

And it broke my heart.

_"This can't be real, it can't be," her voice is merely above a whisper and I know I wouldn't have heard it had I not been sat beside Gabby. She'd just thrown her black dress on to the floor, the dress she was wearing to Shay's funeral, and had collapsed on to the bed in her underwear, tears overwhelming her. _

_I sat beside her, black trousers, white shirt, tie loose around my neck, and took her hand in mine, "I know in my head one thing, and I feel another... It's like she's just...away, not... gone... Matt I can't do this," Gabby wails as I pull her shaking body into mine, securing my arms tightly around her body. _

_I don't know what I say. I think over a thousand responses but none fit, no words can bring back Shay and make our family whole again. _

_"I want to hug her," Gabby blubbers into my chest and then the resolve that I'd been trying so hard to maintain crumbled, and I cried too. I cried into Gabby's hair, cried for our ray of 51 sunshine, cried for the girl we'd all loved from the moment she swooped into 51 and joked with Kelly. _

_"It's not right that she's gone... I want to be able to hear her laugh and tease Severide... I want to hug her so hard that it hurts. I miss her, oh god Matt I miss her so much... Please, I need her," Gabby rambles heartbrokenly, clutching tightly at my shirt as I feel her tears wet the material. _

_"It should've been me; it should have been me..."_

A hand on my arm snaps me from my thoughts. When I look up, half shocked, Gabby is staring at me. But it's not Gabby, it's Antonio. _God, they have the same eyes._

"Matt..." he says gently, looking at me with a worried and tenative stare, "We're gonna head back to the station, Ruzek thinks he might have found something."

My exhausted body lightens up at this fact, "Does it sound good?"

Antonio shrugs and then sighs deeply as the others start shuffling out towards the SUV, "Can't be sure yet."

I nod, understanding that any lead, no matter how small, was better than having none at all. I then follow Antonio and the others outside, noticing how it was well into the night by now, probably around 2am. Gabby had been gone for more than 7 hours now and it was unbearable.

_Unbearable to know that she was alone, and that I couldn't protect her. _

* * *

**_Dawson_**

It was night.

I could tell that much.

I felt funny. Dazed. He must have given me something again, my arm felt sore, the kind of sore you get from needles.

The soft noise of the car fills my ears; we'd been driving for a while.

It was cold, I was shivering.

I hurt so much. My body ached and hurt to move. Breathing was difficult; I had a few cracked ribs.

_Matt._

I thought about him as I drifted into unconsciousness.

_Yeah, that's why they call it the future, but what I do know? Is that you and I are gonna face it together._

Matt.


	9. Their Escape

**Hey guys!**

**You guys are brilliant, so I want to thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They mean so much and to know that there are people out there reading and enjoying my work, I'm extremely grateful.**

**Sorry for the delay with this chapter. One word - school :(**

**But I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I'm hoping you do!**

**Love you. **

**Hannah.**

**oxoxoxo**

* * *

**_Dawson_**

_Before Mills and Brett escaped..._

It was a struggle to focus on Mills voice. My body hurt and ached so much that the pain begged for me to give in to unconsciousness, but I stayed awake. I tried to focus on the two friends who sat, bound, opposite me across the room. The two friends who were frightened and afraid. The two friends who were ensuring that I stayed awake, stayed talking to them.

I relayed my aches and pains over and over as they questioned and questioned my injuries, their impulse to do their job still fighting within them. My EMT training was kicking in too, despite the haziness I felt calling me to sleep. _Head wound from the crash, bruises on my arms from his punches and grip, cracked ribs causing strenuous breathing..._

"Mills, I'm okay," _and a bruised jaw,_ I noted as it my jaw ached as I spoke. I repeated the words over and over as Mills questioned again and again, "Really," I ensured, "It looks worse than it is."

I noticed how his lip curled at my words, "Gabby, this is not okay. None of this is okay," his words were forceful, fierce, but if I knew Pete as much as I thought I did, it only revealed his fear more than his anger.

I coughed, wincing as my ribs ached in protest, "I know," I mutter through gritted teeth, "I know that this isn't okay, but I'm gonna try to get you guys out of here okay?"

Brett sniffled, a lock of blonde hair coming loose and brushing against her tear-stained cheeks, "Get _us_, get all of us out of here," she corrected.

I exhaled as softly as I could without causing too much pain to myself, shaking my head against the fresh-smelling mattress of which I lay, "He won't agree to letting us all go Sylvie," I whisper gently, "It's me he has beef with."

Mills hissed sharply, "This isn't beef Gabby, you know this isn't about you wronging him."

I flinched at his words but I tried to hide it, I didn't want to think of the reasons why. Why didn't matter. I was here. We were here. And getting Mills and Brett safe was the only thing that concerned me as of now.

"Pete please," I beg, tears suddenly falling down my face, "Let me get you out of here. Let my try. And then if it works, you can help my brother in finding me, okay? Please."

Brett was more naive to my words, Mills wasn't. I watched as his face fell into even further dismay and distraught, so I kept talking, "This isn't just about me. Think of Sylvie, think of you, he may have not hurt you now but that could change..."

Brett sniffled a little more, the fingers I noticed she had clasped around Mills' tightened ever so slightly, "But Gabby, what if he-?" she questions but I don't let her finish, don't want to hear her words because they scared me more than I cared to show.

"He won't hurt me if I comply with him, okay? Don't worry about me. You guys can find me," I assure her as much as I can with a smile, "It'll be okay, I promise."

Mills face hadn't changed, his eyes still stared at me with anger and fear so I directed my words at him again, "Pete, it'll be okay. I promise," I repeat, a little more softly this time.

He swallowed thickly, "You've got to promise me that you won't give up. That you'll stay strong until we find you. Think about Casey and keep strong okay?"

I nodded, a wave of tears overcoming me again at the mention of Matt's name, "I promise Mills, thank you... But I need you to do something for me..."

His brows burrowed in confusion, but he nevertheless nodded slowly, "Anything Gab, just say the word."

I have to force the words out but they still tasted bitter in my mouth, each word a stab to my heart as I struggled to keep my composure, "If the worst happens... I need you to tell Matt that I love him more than he'll ever know. That every second I spent with him was a treasured miracle, and that I would not be the person I am without him..."

Mills cries and shakes his head, "Gabby, no..."

"Promise me Mills," I say loudly, fiercely, "Promise me you'll make sure he knows how much I love him."

He studies my face and sees how much this means to me, and after a few moments of deliberation Mills nods, "I promise."

I take a deep breath and think about what I about to do, "Stay safe okay? Get your asses out of here safe, you hear me?" They both nod, they're both crying.

I hiss as I shift on the mattress, tilting my head towards the door, "Victor!" I call, faking softness in my voice with the use of his first name, "Victor please..."

A minute passed of nothing, no movement what's so ever, and I thought that perhaps he was ignoring me, until the lock of the door clicked and he stepped inside. Ramsey, looking his usual self with a little excitement in his eye, scanned the room before taking a few slow steps towards me, "Yes?" he asked in spine-tingling tone.

I try to look more convincing, more enthusiastic, so I lean my body ever so much closer to his, "I want to learn," I murmur nervously with a stammer.

Ramsey is analysing me, my words, my body language, and for a moment I thought he wasn't going to believe me so I quickly say more loudly, "I want to be with you and learn."

"You want to be with me?" He says almost ecstatically, his dark eyes widening with thrill as I nod my head.

"But not here," I say softly, pulling on my ties, "Not like this. Somewhere else, somewhere... personal..." My stomach lurched at the word and my blood ran cold. I knew fully well what I was implying, and it made me feel sick so much I had to fight back a gag.

Ramsey pats my knee, "I understand, wait here," he instructs, _as if I can go anywhere, _before getting up to leave.

"What about them?!" I ask hurriedly, motioning to Mills and Brett who watched on with bewilderment.

Ramsey shrugged as if he didn't care, he probably didn't and this made me angry for he'd done all this and he hadn't the slightest remorse, "They stay here," he replies with indifference, before leaving the room, this time leaving the door wide open.

* * *

**_Mills_**

Ramsey leaves. Gabby's plan worked. He's taking her out of here and leaving us.

And this didn't sit well with me at all, "Gabby, I can't let you do this," I say with a hushed voice as I wasn't sure when Ramsey would return.

She snaps her head towards me angrily, "You promised. You promised me Mills!"

"You don't know what he'll do to you!"

"And you don't know what he'll do to either you _or _Sylvie if you stay here!"

Gabby's eyes were wide with an emotion I couldn't quite place, fear maybe, guilt, "Mills please, get yourselves out of here safe. Please. Let me do this."

I don't have chance to answer as Ramsey returns, needle in hand. Brett's fingers tighten around mine, I hear her breath catch.

I opened my mouth to complain, fight, but Gabby continued to stare at me with a begging look her eye. Sylvie was shaking.

"What's that for?" Gabby murmurs, but she doesn't take her eyes off me. Still begging for my silence. I comply.

Ramsey strokes Gabby's messy hair, "Just something to help you sleep for our journey," he soothes as he would a child as he pokes the needle into the skin of Gabby's arm.

The drug had an almost instant effect on Gabby as her eyes immediately drooped, but she gazed between me and Brett, as the drug took a stronger hold on her. Ramsey held her in his arms as she slumped into unconsciousness, her body dead weight against his. He reached up and untied the bounds on Gabby's hands and they fell limply beside her. Hoisting Gabby's fragile body into his arms bridal style, he began to carry her out of the room, stopping suddenly in front of Brett and I.

"If you get out of here before we leave, I'll kill her and then you," he says with a deadly calm voice, his eyes showing how sinister his words were, before leaving.

Leaving with Gabby.

Long minutes passed.

Even more passed before I began to struggle against my bounds.

Eventually I struggled so much that my chair fell to the floor and the arm broke off.

My shoulder had slammed against the floor, possibly fracturing it. I hissed in pain.

I hauled myself to my feet, helped untie Sylvie before we leaned on each other as we left the dusty old warehouse, night already falling outside.

Once outside, I saw the tail end of a car slip past the corner. No Ramsey. No Gabby.

We hailed down a cab and when the cabbie asked where we were going, I replied, "Molly's," as I cradled a crying Sylvie to my chest.

Two thoughts passed through my mind.

One, _Gabby and Ramsey were completely alone. _

Two, _what would I tell Casey?_

* * *

**_Casey_**

"I think I've got the car he's driving. It fits Mills' description and it was rented to a bogus name. Rental company identified the guy as Ramsey. BOLO is out on the car as of now."

Ruzek explains this new information as swiftly as he can the moment we arrive at District 21.

Antonio perks up a little at the news, "Any hits?"

Ruzek shakes his head, "No hits, but I can trace it as far as Northfield and then I lose it, but we know he's travelling North."

Antonio sighs, leaning up against the table and rubbing his face, "Could be going to a million and one places."

"I can do some more digging, see if I can find more on this dirtbag?" Ruzek suggests.

Voight nods, "You do that kid, thanks," he gruffs before Ruzek heads off with Atwater.

"What next?" I mutter when the room goes silent, Antonio, Voight and Kelly not knowing what to say.

"We look through the photos and tapes, see if there's anything in there whilst the others look into everything else," Voight answers, before leading us to their break room where a laptop was already set up, with the photos and tapes stacked on the table.

_"Dawson, I need more glasses!" Herrmann calls from behind the bar. It's another video from Molly's. It's busy._

_"Yeah yeah, you always need more damn glasses!" Gabby replies sassily, appearing from the kitchen with glasses stacked up on a tray. _

_Herrmann rolls his eyes, "Thank your lucky stars it's this busy in here."_

_Gabby chuckles, "Cheer up grumps!"_

_Then a voice I hadn't heard in months sounded, "Hey hot mama, damn if I was straight."_

_Gabby rolls her eyes as she turns to Shay, who plops down onto a barstool, Kelly slipping in beside her, "We have the same conversation every time you come in here Shay."_

_Shay nods, "I can't help how hot you look, just stating facts."_

_"Love you too Shay," Gabby laughs as she pours a beer for Kelly._

_Shay scoffs, "The only lovin' you're giving is to our very own Truck Lieutenant!"_

_Gabby raises her brows with a wicked grin on her face, "I'm not saying a word."_

_"Where is Casey anyway?" Kelly asks, helping Gabby escape a grilling from Shay. _

_"At my neighbour's apartment. Fixing up something. He said he wouldn't be long."_

_The tape skipped until a while later, in which time I had arrived, Otis and Shay had relieved Herrmann and Gabby from behind the bar, and the camera was focused on Gabby and I in a booth. _

_Gabby turned so she could face me better, lifting her arms to throw them haphazardly around my neck, pressing her chest against mine, "So... how's life Matthew James Casey?" She says her voice giddy with the alcohol she'd consumed that night. _

_I chuckle at her after wrapping my arms around her waist to pull her closer, "Oh I know you're drunk when you use my full name."_

_Gabby narrows her eyes and pokes my chest, "Answer the question... please..."_

_"Pretty good," I shrug, "You know, good jobs, good friends, the works... There's this hot chick I know. She's pretty amazing. Was thinking of asking her out."_

_"She sounds great."_

_"Yeah," I smirk, "Shay's a great chick."_

_Gabby raises her brow, "Just because I used that on you the other day doesn't mean you get to reciprocate."_

_"Nah, you're pretty great too," I smile at her whilst gazing at her beautiful face._

_Gabby was running her finger along the scar on the back of my neck, just under my hairline, a slight frown pulling on her lips, "You know I love you right? More than anything."_

_I nod, moving her hand from the scar and kissing it, "Hey, of course I know. It's okay, I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere."_

_"I just don't know what I'd do without you Matt."_

_I smile, pulling her close so that I could kiss her deeply, "I love you," I murmur against her lips._

_"Te quiero," Gabby answers back, the smile I loved returning to her lips._

I don't know what I'd do without you either Gabby.


	10. Hastings Lake

**Hey everyone!**

**I wish to thank you all for sticking by the story and still being eager to read!**

**I hope this chapter makes up for the delay! I'm terribly sorry!**

**Thank you for all you guys do!**

**Love Hannah**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Casey_**

Antonio, Severide, Voight and I watched countless tapes just like that one. Some were of Gabby with me, with Shay, at Molly's with the guys, alone. Quite a few of them were her alone, running, walking to the shops, getting out of her car etc. Those were the worst ones, because at any time that Ramsey was watching her when she was alone, meant that he could have grabbed her at any one of those times and I wouldn't have been there to protect her.

_Just like now._

Voight hadn't long gotten off the phone with Lindsay, Brett and Mills had been discharged from hospital and were going home to rest. It was cruel of me, but I couldn't help but wish that Gabby was the one in hospital. That Gabby was safe. No matter what I was happy that Mills and Brett were back home, safe, where they belonged, but I also battled with the emotions that wished it was Gabby too.

Watching the tapes felt like a huge weight on my chest, I couldn't breathe properly. My body ached with pain and fear and distress, but yet my blood boiled with searing rage and anger. Ramsey had no right, no right to intrude so selfishly on Gabby's life like this. To stalk her to the point of retaining intimate tapes of her and I together, conversations, glances, touches and kisses that should have always stayed between us. But they hadn't. He had sought to that.

I forced myself to not think about the 'what ifs' about what was happening between them. What ifs wouldn't help me, nor would they help Gabby, but the more I tried not to think about it, the more I did. And the dreadful horrific images that my mind thought up were more unbearable than I imagined.

I just wanted to hold Gabby in my arms, hold her so close and so tight that she felt entirely safe once more, completely protected and loved. To hold her until her tears dried up and she smiled once more. To make this pain go away.

To tell her that no matter what, despite the job, despite Ramsey, we could and would get through this together.

_"Talk to me."_

_"I'm scared."_

_"Of what?"_

_"Everything. The future. I don't know what's gonna happen, Matt."_

_"That's why they call it the future. One thing I know will happen for sure...you and I are gonna face it together."_

I'd said it then and meant it, and I'm saying it now and I absolutely mean it. No matter what, it was Gabby and me. Forever. She was it for me.

So the thought of never finding her was completely impossible, the thought of knowing that my days would pass by without her were unbearable. It just couldn't happen. I wouldn't allow it.

With this driving me on, I forced myself to continue watching every tape, every single second with the hope we'd find _something _that would lead us a step closer to having Gabby in my arms once more. Most of them just made me angry.

_Gabby running._

_Gabby walking. _

_Gabby at the grocery store, then visiting Antonio at District 21._

_Gabby arriving with me at work, wiping at her eyes. _I remember that day; it was our first shift back after Shay had died. Gabby had been so upset. She wasn't sure if she could handle it. She was also worried for Severide, who'd just run off to god knows where. She missed Shay.

My fists clenched at the invasion of such a painful and vulnerable time for her. As if what she was dealing with wasn't enough, Ramsey was following her every move as she tried to grieve for the loss of her best friend.

Yet the next tape we watched _really _made my blood boil.

_Gabby was stood, staring stoically down at a grave I recognised, a grave that I'd visited many times over the past few months. Shay's. _

_She was alone, just staring… Every now and then she'd reach up to wipe her eyes, soon after new tears replacing the ones she had tried to erase. She pulled her jacket tightly around herself, not because of the weather, it was sunny, but because of how upset and vulnerable and lost she felt. _

_She starts to talk and at the first, you can't hear what she says, until suddenly, Ramsey must have done something to the camera to zoom in and hear her shaky voice. _

_"…Getting in that ambo without you was the hardest thing I've ever done Shay. It's meant to be me and you, forever… I miss you so much and yet it doesn't seem real… Half the time I expect to wake up from this dream and others, I completely forget until I turn up to work and realise that you're not by my side… You probably don't know how heartbroken we are, do you? I hope you don't… I wouldn't want you to be upset… It's just… I don't know how… how we can do this without you…"_

_Gabby's crying fully now and not even attempting to wipe away the salty streams running down her face. She hugs herself tightly, falls to her knees. _

_"I'm sorry… Shay, I'm really sorry that we traded places. I'm sorry that I didn't die instead… It was never meant to be you, never…"_

_She tugs her hand roughly through her hair, face twisted agony and grief. _

_"Severide's gone… We're worried about him… He's broken Shay, he's really… lost… and Matt and I aren't sure what to do… Can you look out for him please? Just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid please… Let him know that you love him okay? We love you Shay, I love you…"_

_Then she gets up, wipes her face, takes a deep breath, and glances down at the headstone one more time before turning and leaving. _

Antonio moves to stop the tape before it suddenly switches to a forest scene.

"What the hell?" he mutters with confusion under his breath, narrowing his eyes at the screen.

_"Daddy! Daddy! Look what I've found!" _

_A young boy, perhaps six or seven, bounds up to the camera with a basket of _pinecones_ and berries in his hand, a wide smile on his face. _

I stared with wonder at the screen. The video was old, at least thirty years ago according to the picture quality, and whilst the boy was young, I recognised the eyes.

Victor Ramsey.

I feel Severide's hand clasp on my shoulder, "We got him Matt. We got him."

* * *

**_Olinsky_**

Toothpick in cheek, I stare at the man Trevor Mansville. A man in his late forties, sickly pale, bald, beady eyes and a certain nervousness about him. He was twitchy too, but I think that had more to do with being in interrogation rather than his character.

He was important because he was the man, the _only _man, that Victor Ramsey emailed under the guise of Trev614. _Original huh? _

Clicking my jaw I lean back in the chair, _jeez these were uncomfortable, _deciding that a forceful approach was going to get me nowhere with this guy and time was running short.

Antonio was counting on me. His family was everything to him. I could identify with that.

"So Trevor, how did you meet Victor Ramsey?" I ask him quietly, careful to keep my voice level.

He twitched again, "Through the internet," he stuttered hurriedly, his eyes wide, unable to meet my own.

"How long have you been in contact with him?"

"A few years… is he in some sort of trouble?" Trevor asked, becoming increasingly less nervous for himself and more curious about Victor as I continued my questioning.

"Are you close? Do you talk about a lot?"

Trevor shrugs, "He talks a lot about his girlfriend."

_Girlfriend? There was no girlfriend in his file. _

"What his girlfriend's name?"

He looked up to the ceiling in thought, his bald head shining under the light and after a few moments he looked at me and answered, "Gabriela. A Latina girl. He says he's lucky to have her, she's at least ten years younger than him and a stunner if you know what I mean," Trevor smirked suggestively.

"He send you any photos of Gabriela?"

He nods.

"Can you describe her?"

"Dark skin, Hispanic. Dark hair cut to her shoulders. Brown eyes, smoky. Short and petite. Got this amazing smile. You know, the ones that can capture a room? No idea how she's with Victor, he looks like a bird and not the pretty kind."

_Good lord. _

"When was the last time you spoke to Victor?"

Again, the now calm man thought for a moment before answering, "Two days ago. He said he and Gabriela were taking a vacation to his dad's old cabin and that he'd have no internet connection. Old fool's probably having some fun with that Latina right now," Trevor chuckled innocently, _he knew nothing about this._

"Do you happen to know where this cabin is?"

"Hasting's Lake. You know, the forest preserve, at least that's where I think it is."

"How sure are you?"

Trevor shrugged, "Pretty sure Detective. I've got a good memory."

"That's good enough for me."

* * *

**_Antonio _**

Olinsky rushes into the breakroom the moment that Ruzek broke into Ramsey's fathers records. His toothpick bobs in his mouth as he talks hurriedly.

"Think I've found her. Hasting's Lake," Olinsky explains as Ruzek nods at his computer.

"Yeah, Al, his dad died a couple months ago and left the cabin he owned to Ramsey. My bet is that he's taken Gabby there."

"His internet friend said that he was going to his dad's cabin."

I turn to Voight, "It's our best bet, right?"

The man deliberates for a split second before nodding, "Call Lindsay and Halstead. Atwater too. Get them to meet us there. Burgess and Roman too."

I turn to Matt, who was looking extremely fearful and slightly relieved at the same time, "I'm coming with you," he says defiantly.

I nod, clapping his arm, "I know you are man. Let's go get Gabby."

"And nail this s.o.b to the wall," Severide mutters under his breath as he follows us down to the garage.

I make Matt and Severide wait in the car. They don't. Instead they lean up against the car. That's as good as I was gonna get I suppose. Matt's practically bouncing on his feet, Severide's got a hand on him in case he decides to completely ignore my instructions.

"Halstead, Lindsay, Atwater, round back," Voight orders quietly as he secures his gun in his hand, "Everyone else with me."

I watch as the three run around the cabin and out of sight. I follow behind Voight, Olinsky right behind. Ruzek, Burgess and Roman, follow behind us.

Voight nods at me once before kicking down the door.

We burst inside.

There's been a struggle.

Victor Ramsey is lying, unconscious, on the floor.

A camera on top of a cabinet flashes red at me.

It smells stale, it air is stuffy.

Gabby's not here.

I grab Ramsey, gripping him by the collar, shaking him and screaming, "Where is she? You bastard, where is my sister?!"

I hear Severide's voice calling after Matt. Suddenly he's by my side.

As Ramsey slowly wakes he mutters, "Gabriela…"

Matt goes mad.

His fists clench balls of Ramsey's shirt into his hands and lifts him into the air before pushing him up forcefully against the wall, "Where is she? Where's Gabby?!"

Ramsey, wide eyed and dazed, cries, "I don't know!"


	11. Fight

**Hey everyone!**

**I hope you're all having a lovely peaceful Sunday! And hopefully, you'll enjoy this update!**

**Here we see what events led up to Antonio and Matt finding Ramsey alone in the cabin. What could have possibly happened?**

**I'm so thankful for your commitment and support for this story, as I'm nothing without you all!**

**Love Hannah.**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Dawson_**

Wood.

The strong familiar smell of fresh wood was what struck me when I woke. My head felt hazy, my eyes half open, after effects of a drug-induced sleep. I lay on a bed, surrounded by floaty white sheets and crisp cotton pillows. Scanning around I realised that I was in a cabin of some sort. The furniture it held appeared dated, probably from twenty or so years ago. The cabin was fairly large and was open plan, with the living room, kitchen and bedroom only separated by low walls. It didn't seem as if this place was used that often, dust particles floating throughout the air obvious that it hadn't recently been cleaned.

I try to lift myself up, but found that I am again bound to the headboard, my hands criss-crossed with a cable tie this time. I pull at the bound, testing its strength, only to feel a sharp pain from my wrists, evidence of me struggling against the ties before. Inhaling deeply, I faintly smelt the dried blood from the cuts on my wrists, the coppery smell becoming stuck in my senses. I still felt the ache in my body from my time in the warehouse or wherever we were kept, the pounding in my head had numbed slightly, but the ache in my limbs was still present, my breathing was tight and my jaw still stung.

But I'm still alive.

_And I was going to try my damnedest to stay this way. _

Because despite the problems that Matt and I faced, I love him, I have always loved him and I always will, and I had him to fight for. I had my family to fight for. Despite how hard my life seemed right now, I had _everything _to fight for. Despite the tears, the troubles, the pain and the problems, Matt and I could find solutions to our problems, because we _needed _each other. We needed each other in this world. _I _needed _him. _For the rest of my life.

And I would not let Ramsey get in the way of that.

"Oh, good, you're awake," the voice shocked me and when I looked up at the doorway, Ramsey's figure stood in it, logs of freshly cut wood in his arms.

After studying my features for a few moments in the daylight he quickly bent down and placed down the logs beside the door, rushing in. "You look so cold," he quips, swiping a blanket from the sofa and rushing over to drape it over my body, which was shaking even though I hadn't realised it.

"Why..." I started, but found that my voice was croaky so I had to stop to clear it, in which time Ramsey had sat beside my lying form, staring down at me in an affectionate way that made my blood run cold, "Why are you doing this Ramsey?"

He gazed down at me, a softer look in his face than what I had seen at the warehouse. He reached out a hand towards me and I flinched with fear, but this did not faze him, his hand coming to brush my hair over and over, "So we can be together Gabriela, finally."

I looked in Ramsey's eyes and expected to see a hint of something else in his eyes, perhaps evidence of his deceit, but he was telling the absolute truth. He truly believed his words. And I had to play along, because if I didn't, there's no telling what he'd do.

_And I had to stay alive._

I tried to hide my shock at his words and soften my agitated features, "Then can you untie me," I whisper gently, glancing up at my hands tied above my head as I lay, "Please?"

Ramsey deliberates before responding with a slight shake of his head, "Perhaps later… I have things to do, get some rest sweetheart."

He's stroking my hair again and adjusts the blanket slightly over my body, and the look in his eye changes as his large hand runs from my hair down to my cheek, cupping the flushed flesh that he found, "You're so beautiful Gabriela… And you undermine your own beauty because of the huge mistake you made."

With a pit of dread in my stomach I murmur apprehensively, "What mistake?"

Anger flashes in his eyes, pure unadulterated rage and I suddenly truly feared him, for the look in his eyes was almost inhuman, "You lessened yourself to his level, Matthew Casey, you became less just to be with him when he did not deserve you."

I'm smart enough to know not to argue, but as he rises from the bed and leaves through the door, done with the matter, I allow the tears that had been welling in my eyes to fall.

_Ramsey was so very wrong. It's not him that doesn't deserve me, it's me that doesn't deserve him. How much have I put him through? How many times have I been responsible for the look of hurt in his eyes? The anger? The pain? It's all down to me. Matt is the beauty and I'm the speck of dirt on the mirror that no matter how much you try to clean it never leaves. _

_That's me._

* * *

I must have fallen asleep.

I'm awoken to a beeping that soon stops as soon as I open my eyes. Not much has changed, apart from the sun appearing higher in the sky. I feel that I am not alone and I am right, because as my eyes scan the room, I see Ramsey standing beside a table that is parallel to this bed. He's adjusting something, but I can't quite make out what it is.

Something's wrong. Something doesn't feel right. My hairs stand on edge, my heart is racing, my body is shivering. Something is definitely not right about the way Ramsey is looking at me.

Whatever he's playing with beeps once more and then I see a light that turns from red to green. It's a camcorder. My stomach lurches.

"Ramsey…" I stutter, finding that my voice doesn't quite sound like my voice. It's been contorted by fear, "What are you doing?"

He shrugs his jacket off, placing it over the back of a worn wooden chair, "I waited so long for you Gabriela… from the first moment I set eyes on you, I knew that you were the one."

Ramsey turns to face me, a hand on the back of the chair, his body completely relaxed. His eyes burning with something I did not want to define.

"I thought about taking you the moment I found out who you were, but I waited. I let my desire for you burn, and my love for you grow."

I had to start talking now. It was my only chance.

"I know, Rams- Victor, I do… And I know you don't want to hurt me. I know that it's never been your intention to hurt or scare me, but you have to stop this, please. Let me go home," I try to sound as strong and as firm as I could whilst still maintaining a softness that would hopefully bring him around.

"No, I've never wanted to hurt you," he insists, rushing over with a voice that resembled that of one you would use to sooth a child, "Gabriela I want you to love me," he explains as he sits down beside me.

I stare up at him, my eyes burning, "Ramsey I'm engaged, I'm in love with Matt. We can't…"

The strike of his hand across my cheek halted my words instantly. The sensation stung and my skin was no doubt a burning red. That angle wasn't going to work, and I feared that I'd angered him to the point of no return.

Without me realising it he had pulled the blanket from my body and straddled my hips, his weight securing me from moving at all. I shook with raw fear.

"Please, god no, please Ramsey don't…" I pleaded desperately as he'd pulled out a scissors from his back pocket, the cold blade brushing along my skin as he cut through my green sweater.

_He was going to record him raping me, _I thought as the camcorder beeped once more.

"Ssh," he soothes as he runs his fingers along my bra and down my stomach, "It's okay baby."

I was choking on tears, my throat clamming up with fear, and as his face leaned down towards mine, I yelped. He presses his greasy lips against mine, using his hand that was tightly cupping my chin to keep my face in place. I squirmed against him and ripped my head away from his, "Stop, please, Ramsey stop!"

He only ignores me as his lips move down my skin, down my neck and across my skin.

I felt sick. The only person I ever wanted to touch me like this was Matt.

His hands were everywhere, his slimy fingers making my skin itch and burn, and I cried at every touch.

I fought against the bounds, but there was no budging, but I kept pulling and pulling. My legs were flailing, trying to kick him but he was pressing his weight against them to stop me moving them far. I kept screaming, over and over in hope that he'd stop or someone would hear.

If there was anyone _to_ hear.

As his hands made their way towards my jeans I screamed again, but he seemed ignorant to my cries, "Please stop, please… no, no, please no… Matt, Matt I'm sorry…" I screech, the only coherent thought I was having was those of Matt, and how sorry I was.

But my yells for Matt only angered Ramsey, bringing him from his thoughts long enough to reach up and punch my face, dazing me.

My head lulls back, my body limping… _don't give up, _a voice sounded in my head. It sounded like Shay.

I feel his hands on my jeans, on the button, on the zipper.

No, no.

The word was said both internally and externally.

I tugged on the ties; I pulled harder than I thought I could.

A hand came free. So did the other.

I lunge at Ramsey, stunning him momentarily. He starts to fight back and I'm fighting too, we fall off the bed with a loud thump. He's on top of me again, his hands on my throat.

I lift up my knee forcefully, hitting him right where it hurts. He cries out and falls down beside me. I roll to move away from him, knocking against a bedside table. A lamp crashes down to the floor from it.

Ramsey grabs my leg, pulling me towards him. I scream out again.

I reach out and manage to clasp my fingers around the base of the large lamp, tightening my fist around it. When Ramsey tries to straddle me again, I swing the lamp so forcefully that when it connects with his head it knocks him out cold.

Unconscious and limp, he falls to the floor.

Breathing heavily, unable to catch my breath, I clamber to my feet and rush towards to door. I yank it open, the bright light stinging my eyes but not stopping me to run forward.

It's a forest.

I wildly search around for his car, the blood pumping in my ears. I can't see it anywhere and I can't stay here, so I run.

I zip up my jeans as I run as fast as I can, not feeling any aches and pain in my body, the adrenaline rushing through my veins at the speed of light.

I run.

Run.

I hear the leaves crunch under my feet. It's cold, the air is bitter despite the shining sun. I try not to fall over roots of trees, but I do nevertheless, yet I keep getting up, the fear of Ramsey coming after me too strong.

_Keep running;_ the voice speaks again, _Shay._

And I do. I don't stop.

And then I fall, and I'm falling. Down and down a hill, under I reach the bottom, where I lose consciousness.

And the darkness takes me.


	12. This Family

**Hey everyone!**

**I got this chapter written up and just couldn't wait to post it so here it is!**

**Again, thank you all for your great reviews! You guys went crazy in the last chapter!**

**I know you're all anxiously waiting for Matt to find Gabby, and trust me he will, just not in this chapter. It'll be in the next, I promise.**

**Hope you enjoy this!**

**Love you all, Hannah.**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Casey_**

Hands grabbed at me, pulling me away from a dazed Ramsey. I fought against them, fought with every fibre of rage in my body but the hands wouldn't budge. Atwater and Ruzek lift Ramsey onto a chair and cuff him there, whilst Voight steps into view, blocking my line of sight to Ramsey.

"Where is she? Damn it where she?!" I scream at him, continuing to fight against the hands.

_Where was Gabby? Was she safe? Was she alive?_

"Matt, man, Matt," Kelly calls, stepping in front of me, moving his hands from my shoulders to my arms, shaking them to make me focus on him.

"Damnit Kelly where is she?!"

Finally the hands, Halstead's, Antonio's and Kelly's let me go as Kelly guides me to a chair, holding me in place with a hand on my arm. He bends down in front of me, "Matt, look at me," he says quietly as there was talking going on behind him.

Begrudgingly I take my eyes away from Ramsey and focus on Kelly, trying to hold back the rage that was running wild inside of me, "You know she's alive right? You feel it?"

After a few moments I nodded, I'd told him this earlier, "Then you need to hold on to that. You know she's alive and right now Gabby needs you to focus on that. We're gonna find her, but screaming in Ramsey's face isn't going to get us anywhere, you hear?"

I can't say anything because if I do I'll scream, so I only nod. Kelly is satisfied with this and allows me to stand and make my way over to Voight, but I can feel his eyes on me as I move.

Voight and Antonio stand before Ramsey, the others lining the inner perimeter of the cabin, a few of them on their cells, calling for back up no doubt.

Voight stood with his arms crossed over his chest and spoke with a dangerously low tone when he finally opened his mouth, "I don't think you need me to tell you what'll happen to you if I let these two alone with you," Voight nods to both Antonio and me, "so I suggest you start talking, and you start talking fast. Where is Gabriela?"

"I don't know!" Ramsey all but wails, which makes Antonio step in front of him and slap his face hard, "I swear if you don't start talking now you and I will be taking a little trip to the lake. Where is my sister? Why were you unconscious when we got here?"

"Okay, okay," Ramsey breathes rapidly, "She knocked me out."

"Talk faster," Voight mutters huskily, to which Ramsey's eyes widen and he says hurriedly, "She got out of her ties and fought me. She hit me over the head with that lamp. I passed out. She must of left."

Voight turns to Burgess and Roman and tells them to take a look outside, whilst Antonio continues on with Ramsey, "Could she have taken your car?"

Ramsey shook his head, "I hide the keys. Top drawer," he motioned towards a stack of drawers and Antonio went over, and pulled out the keys from the drawer.

"She's on foot. We need a search party up here pronto," Antonio tells Voight.

I hear Kelly call Herrmann, he knows these woods. He used to hunt here as a kid. He's calling him for help whilst Voight is drafting in as much help as he can.

Atwater and Ruzek takes Ramsey outside and into the car, slamming the door tightly behind them and standing beside the SUV, talking quietly under their breaths.

"She needs to be found quickly," Lindsay's voice jolts everyone's attention and when my eyes fall on her; I see that she's holding something in her hands. A camcorder.

"Why?" I all but demand my voice full of fear and worry.

"She's not in good shape and she's shocked," Halstead answers, his face solemn, his eyes blazing with anger and disgust.

"What's on the camcorder?" Voight asks, filling a wretched silence filled with pure fear and panic.

Lindsay swallows thickly and shakes her head, "They don't need to see this," she says to him, referring to Antonio and I.

"Erin, what is it?" Antonio demands strongly, he's trying not to show just how scared he is but he's failing.

Lindsay looks to Voight for permission, to which he only nods, and she sets up the camcorder on the table, attaching it to a laptop that she'd found here.

"I know cops are gonna swarm this place soon, but Herrmann's on his way, he's knows these woods like the back of his hand. Any help we can get right?" Kelly murmurs as I watch Erin work.

I can only nod at him.

_"I waited so long for you Gabriela… from the first moment I set eyes on you; I knew that you were the one." It's Ramsey's voice, but you can't see him. All you can see is Gabby lying bound on the bed with her hands above her head, her eyes wide with fear, her body visibly shaking with fear. She was petrified. _

_"I thought about taking you the moment I found out who you were, but I waited. I let my desire for you burn, and my love for you grow."_

_Something in Gabby's head told her she had to start speaking, so she did, "I know, Rams- Victor, I do… And I know you don't want to hurt me. I know that it's never been your intention to hurt or scare me, but you have to stop this, please. Let me go home," her voice is shaking as she pleads with him. _

_"No, I've never wanted to hurt you," Ramsey says as he suddenly comes into view, sitting down beside Gabby on the bed, "Gabriela I want you to love me."_

_She stares up at him, "Ramsey I'm engaged, I'm in love with Matt. We can't…" Gabby baby..._

_He strikes her forcefully, angered by her words. Her skin burned red. Then he pulled the blanket from her and straddled her hips, shocking her and instilling a deep fear within. _

_"Please, god no, please Ramsey don't…" she pleads desperately as he pulls out a scissors from his back pocket, slicing Gabby's sweater open. _

_The fucking bastard._

_"Ssh... It's okay baby."_

_Gabby was choking on her tears. He leans down and kisses her, and when she tries to move away, his hand grips her chin tightly. When she does pull away she begs, "Stop, please, Ramsey stop!"_

_He ignores her, his lips moving down her skin. _

_I'll kill him. _

_She's crying out and he's doing nothing but ignoring her. _

_She fights brilliantly against the bounds, but there's no releasing them. She's kicking, but he's sat on her so not much happens. You can't hear anything but Gabby screaming. _

_His hands made their way towards Gabby's jeans and she screams again, "Please stop, please… no, no, please no… Matt, Matt I'm sorry…" _

_That broke me. That ripped my heart out of my chest. Despite what was happening to her, she was apologising to me when she had nothing to apologise for. _

_Ramsey punches her and her head lulls back, her body limping. She tugged on the ties again, my girl never giving up, and her hands came free. _

_She lunges at Ramsey, stunning him momentarily. He starts to fight back but Gabby's fighting too, and they fall off the bed. His hands are around her throat. She knees him in the balls and rolls away from him._

_A bedside table falls over as Ramsey grabs her leg and pulls her towards him as she screams._

_Gabby grabs the lamp and as Ramsey tries to get on top of her again, she swings it and the base collides with Ramsey's head, knocking him out. _

_Breathing heavily, Gabby clambers to her feet and rushes out the door. Gone._

That's where Lindsay stops the video and the second she does, I have to rush to the sink to be sick.

I feel Kelly's hands on my back, but he has no words of comfort. There are none.

When I'm finished being sick I try to move towards the door, growling, "I'll fucking kill him." But suddenly the hands have returned and despite the fight I put up, Antonio, Voight and Kelly won't let me go.

"Matt, okay, I know, I get it-" Kelly tries to soothe, but I only lose my head.

"He tried to fucking rape her Kelly! What the hell do you expect me to do? He would have done that to her had she not got away and you expect me to be calm about it?" I scream in his face, losing complete control of myself at this point.

"Hey!" Kelly yells right back at me, "This is _not_ the time to lose it! Gabby is out there, and we need your head in this to find her! Do you understand? You can lose your head later but do not lose it on me right now! Think of Gabby, Matt, she needs you."

I hated that he knew exactly what to say, because all I wanted to do was wrap my hands around Ramsey's throat but yet his words had re-focused me on the most important thing here, Gabby.

"Then let's go find her."

Antonio quickly speaks up, "We'll go Matt, we will, but it makes sense to wait for backup before we do. It's pointless wasting time searching in places she won't be. When we get the sniffer dogs here, we'll have a better chance of finding her."

My eyes narrow angrily, "So you're saying we just wait here whilst she's out there alone?"

"I don't like it any more than you do Matt, but it'll save wasting time," Antonio explains.

Fifteen minutes later Kelly and I are sat outside on the steps of the cabin, me breathing roughly, tugging my hands through my hair, wanting to feel Gabby's body in my arms, her breath against my neck, her chest rising and falling against mine.

"I don't even know what we've been doing..." I mutter quietly, hardly realising that I'd spoken aloud.

Kelly turns to me with a confused look on his face, "What do you mean?"

"Gabby and me," I explain, "We've let everything get in the way of us, when we are the only thing that matters. I want to marry her Kelly, I want to marry Gabby and have our own little family. She's completely it for me, and I can't let her get away."

Kelly had two simple, but powerful words for me, "Then don't."

Then something truly amazing happened.

Three cars pulled up, three cars I recognised.

Herrmann, Mouch, Chief and Otis got out of the first one. Mills, Brett and Cruz out of the other. And Capp, Newhouse and Tony out of the third, followed by a dog.

Herrmann approached us alongside Chief, "We're going to find her Casey," Herrmann says, "I know these woods like I know firefighting. We'll find our girl."

Newhouse came up to us too, the dog following beside as he had it on a lease, "Friend of mine breeds sniffer dogs, and this one is his best dog. She's trained in finding lost people, especially in the woods... We're ready to go if you are; do you have anything of Dawson's?"

Kelly rushed inside to grab the jacket of Gabby's we knew that was in there. Whilst he was gone, I looked at the family that stood before me.

"Thank you so much for doing this," I say to them sincerely.

"It's what family does Lt.," Cruz nods towards me, as I see Voight and Antonio approach.

"What are you doing?"

Kelly appears with the jacket in hand, passing it to Newhouse who allows the dog to sniff it, "Finding Gabby. You're welcome to join us," he says to them, as we all start making our way in the wood, following the dog whose nose was buried in the earth.

They do. Everyone except from Ruzek and Atwater, who were watching Ramsey, followed us into the woods.

I end up walking beside Mills and Brett, "What are you guys doing here? You should be at home resting."

Brett shrugs, "Gabby risked her life to save us. We've got to return the favour."

"And there's no way we'd let everyone else go and not help," Mills added.

"Thank you," I tell them both, "Thank you."

And it was only then did I truly believe that we'd find Gabby, because this family never lets anyone down.


	13. Always

**Hey everyone!**

**I know that this is the chapter you've all been waiting for, so here it is!**

**Again, thank you for your overwhelming support and love for this story!**

**I'm sorry if I make any of you a little teary-eyed during this chapter. I know I made myself cry when I wrote Gabby's part, you'll see why.**

**Hope you're having a wonderful day!**

**I promise I'll update as soon as I can!**

**Love Hannah.**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Casey_**

Seconds drag into minutes. Minutes drag into hours. An hour has passed and we've yet to find her.

The dog lost Gabby's scent for over twenty minutes before she, Piper, found it again.

_Surely she couldn't have gotten far?_

We had questioned this and realised that despite Gabby's injuries, despite how scared and dazed she was when she ran out of that cabin, she was a fighter. And she would have continued to run.

Mills said that her adrenaline would have been pumping, allowing her to ignore the pain, and would have allowed her to run as much as her body was able to. But the thing was, it was cold despite the sun shining, the air was almost bitter and I couldn't stand the thought of Gaby being out, alone, scared and desperate in this weather, injured.

Antonio had said that other teams of officers had arrived and were also looking for Gabby. It didn't help, we hadn't found her yet.

"Gabby! Gabby! Gabby!"

Constant, continuous yells of her name echoed through the wood, the breeze carrying the sounds past the trees, over bushes, across the solid ground.

Focusing on Gabby was the only thing keeping me going. If for a second I focused on anything other than the memory of her face, her smile, her laugh, her touch, her body wrapped in mine, a blanket of seething rage threatened to claim me and turn me around back to Ramsey. To wrap my hands around his neck.

But he wasn't important; he was insignificant, when Gabby was the only thing that meant everything in this world to me. That was the reason that I was still here, that was the reason for my undying happiness, even if she was the biggest pain in my ass. She was my pain in the ass and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd taken her for what she is, strong, single-minded, stubborn, hot-headed, beautiful, caring, passionate, daring, spontaneous, kind, loving, and she had taken me, Matthew Casey, stubborn in my own right too, Gabby had taken me and loved me with everything she had.

And that was the reason why I kept going, because I had to tell her, that no matter what shit we were putting each other through, no matter the problems, the arguments, the rough times, I wanted her and everything that it included. I wanted Gabriela Dawson forever.

I watched as Antonio called for his sister over and over, never ending, overcome with a desperate need to be the big brother he'd always been to Gabby and find his sister safe.

Our 51 family stuck close but spread out enough so that we could cover every inch of this wood, staying close to Newhouse's heels who guided the search party with the sniffer dog. I was so thankful for our family, so thankful that they'd dropped everything and come to help find the person they saw as a friend, a sister, a loving member of our close-knit family.

I follow right on Newhouse's tail as we continue to move throughout the woods. The day was moving on, now into the early hours of the afternoon, but the air didn't get any warmer. If anything it felt colder. Gabby was out, alone, in this cold.

Then the dog barks loudly, wildly, and starts running, tugging Newhouse along with her. I'm running with them. _Gabby._

We run until the dog stops and lies down beside a boot of Gabby's. The other is strewn on the ground a few feet away.

"Must have fallen off as she ran," Antonio murmurs when he reaches us, slightly flustered from the sudden rush, disappointment on his face after realising that we hadn't found his sister, just a boot belonging to her.

Kelly looks up at me with hope and encouragement in his eyes, "This mean we're close right? Gabby couldn't have gone much further."

I nod and follow Piper, who had picked Gabby's scent up once more. My calls for Gabby even louder this time, more desperate. My throat began to protest from all the screaming that had erupted from my throat over the past day, but I kept calling. _I wanted Gabby to know that we were searching for her. That we weren't giving up. _

* * *

**_Dawson_**

"Hey hot mama."

It was a voice I hadn't heard in months, _nine _heart-breaking, torturous agonizing months.

It was a voice I hadn't heard in months because Shay was dead.

But when I opened eyes and strained through the bright light that pierced through the trees, there she sat beside me. Shay.

Cross-legged and smiling and beautiful.

And here.

But I couldn't move to hold her, to feel her, to hug her and tell her how much I missed her. I was frozen.

"Shay?" The name had meant nothing but an indication of grief over these last few months. It was no longer used a way to address a person; it was an explanation over why we were upset or sad or feeling hurt.

But here Shay is, nodding her head and me and grinning, "It's me alright."

"You're dead," I state and find that it's easier to say to her that to say aloud to anyone else.

Nodding again, "I am."

"Am I dead?" I question. _Why could I see her? Why could I talk to her but not move?_

Shay shakes her head, reaching over to clasp her hand over mine that was laying limp over some leaves on the ground. I didn't feel her hand against mine, yet my eyes told me that she was touching me, "You're not dead."

"Then why am I talking you?"

Shay shrugs, "Because you want to, I guess."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Laughing her full belly laugh that I'd missed more than anything Shay giggles, "God you're still as sassy as ever."

"Is this in my head?"

Shay nods.

"So you're not real?"

A soft smile pulls at her lips, "I'm here aren't I?" She scoots herself closer, so that her hips touch my body, but I feel nothing. Shay studies my face for a while, I see sadness etched there, her smile becoming sad, "You've had it rough lately."

"We all have," is all I'm able to answer.

"I miss you guys you know..."

I'm crying, and she is, but the tears that make their way down her pale cheeks fall on my chest, but I feel no wetness, "I know, we miss you too. More than anything," I choke out.

"But I'm always watching," Shay whispers, a truth in her words that assured me that she was, despite if this was real or not, "Well, not all the time. I take care in not watching you have sex, or in the bathroom, that's just gross."

"You're gross," I point out to her, and my only reply is a tongue poked in my direction. _Typical Shay._

And we fell into a comfortable silence, just like the ones we had in the ambo, the ones where we took solace in each other's company and knew exactly what the other was thinking.

"Look Gabs," Shay suddenly says, a seriousness now in her voice, "I need you to listen to me, okay? They're on their way-"

"Who's on their way?" I question, butting in.

"Casey, you're brother, Kelly, everyone. They're coming to find you-"

"How is everyone here?"

Shay hisses at me, "Will you stop interrupting? Jeez Gabs you haven't changed a bit have you?"

"Neither have you," I smirk.

"Look, they're going to find you okay? And when they do, I need you to promise me that you're going to be okay. That you'll fix things with Casey. Do you know what it's like looking without being able to bang your heads together? It's fucking hard. You two sort your shit out you hear me? Or I swear I'll come haunt you."

"Noted," I murmur, unable to say anything else because, as always, Shay was right.

"And can you tell Kelly something for me?" Shay asks almost desperately and I nod.

"Tell him that I love him and that I'm here for him, always."

"I will," I answer, finding that the tears had overwhelmed me once more.

Shay then lays down beside me, her hand clasped in mine, and I swear for a second I felt her warmth.

"Shay?" I murmur.

"Yeah?" She hums quietly back.

"Are you happy?"

Shay smiles, not a silly smile, not a joking one, a pure, unadulterated, knowing smile, "Always."

"Gabby?"

"Yeah Shay?" I whisper.

"Close your eyes."

I shake my head, "You won't be here when I wake up."

"I'm always here."

* * *

**_Casey_**

I swear I felt her. I felt Gabby's presence close by. I knew we were close. I felt her.

The dog started running. I did too. Everyone, running. Desperate.

"Gabby!"

"Call out!"

"Dawson!"

"We're here Dawson!"

"Gabby!"

And then we come to a hill, where the dog pauses for a second. I almost throw myself down it when I see Gabby lying at the bottom, limp, unconscious.

I run down, hearing the leaves crunch under my feet.

I reach her first; someone behind me is calling for Mills and Brett, 'she needs medics!'

She'd cold. She's so cold. And her body is exposed from where Ramsey cut her sweater, leaving her strewn on the floor in bra. I take off my jacket and lay it over her.

I clutch her cheeks, feel her breath on my thumb as it ran along her lips, "Gabby, baby, can you hear me? It's Matt, baby, you're okay now. I'm here," I ramble to her, cradling her body to mine.

I can see the bruises. The red marks on her body, her neck, her jaw. A cut on her lip. Her wrists are cut up from struggling against her bounds, the blood now dry on her cold and pale skin.

Suddenly Mills and Brett arrive; carrying kit they must have been given. Aside from Antonio crouched beside me, it's only us with Gabby. Someone's calling about 'giving them space' around us.

"She's breathing well," Brett assures to me, "And her pulse is stronger than I thought."

"That's Gabby," Antonio breathes with a sigh of pure relief, rubbing his face.

"We need a backboard over here! And a C-Collar!" Mills calls over and I hear someone say that because we're not too far from a road, the ambo will be here quicker than we thought.

They move Gabby securely onto the backboard, still unconscious. But Mills said that it's to be expected. That her vitals are strong. That it looks like she's okay.

We carry her through the remainder of the forest, Antonio, Mills, Kelly and I, until we reach the road where the ambo and a few police cars are parked. She's quickly handed over to new medics and taken into the ambo.

I climb in with them as the medic tells Antonio which hospital we're headed for.

As we drive off, I see the family, everyone from 51 and District 21, hugging each other, relieved.

I then turn to Gabby, clutching her warming hand in my own as I brush her curly messy hair from her eyes, "I love you Gabby."

_And I'm never letting you go again._


	14. Trauma

**Hey everyone! **

**I'm really sorry for the long delay with this chapter! I've been super busy and haven't had much chance to write! :(**

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**I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Love Hannah.**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Casey_**

"How is she doing?" I ask the medic as he sits at the top of Gabby's head, staring at the screen placed directly before him as I sat clutching Gabby's warming hand tightly in my own.

The dark skinned man nodded as he turned to look at me, "Her vitals are stable and there doesn't seem to be any massive trauma. The only thing I am concerned about is her cracked ribs, but the doctors can easily tend to those no problem."

I appreciated that he was telling me the truth, highlighting me to slight worry that he had, but I was comforted by the fact that he didn't seem to be overly worried about Gabby's injuries.

"Is there a reason why she hasn't woken up yet?"

He shrugged, "From what I've seen, I'd put it down to trauma. Her body is in survival mode, especially after being out in the cold for so long. It's not something to be worried about – she'll wake in her own time."

I find myself smiling slightly at his words, "If I know Gabby she does _everything _in her own time."

The EMT smirked, "That's women for you man. I've been married for fifteen years and not once has my wife _not _done something in her own time."

"Fifteen years?" I ask, looking up at him stunned, "What's your secret?"

His answer slipped as easily from his mouth as the smile appeared there, "Communication. Hacking out our problems. Letting the arguments happen rather than avoid them – it only builds up then and it makes it worse. Communication, my friend, is the key to any relationship."

I stare down at Gabby's sleeping form, the tension in her face slowly relaxing, "We think keeping our problems to ourselves protects each other," I murmur quietly as I run my thumb over Gabby's knuckles, bringing the back of her palm to my lips.

I feel the EMT watching us, "You love her," he says; it wasn't a question.

"More than anything," I reply swiftly back, my voice never sounding as truthful as it did right then.

"Then don't let anything else stand in your way."

It was then that we arrived at the hospital. The doctors met us at the door, instantly rolling Gabby's gurney into the hospital, talking loudly about facts and her vitals, her injuries and what had happened to her. So I tried to block it all out, reducing their buzzing voices to a murmur in my head, focusing solely on Gabby's pale body as I wished for her eyes to open, to see those big brown eyes that I'd missed much.

Then a firm force hitting my chest halted my step as Gabby continued to be rolled away. When I turn my eyes from Gabby's face I find that it is a hand pressing against my chest, a hand that belonged to a blonde middle-aged nurse, who had a sympathetic look in her eye, "Sir, I'm sorry but you can't go any further."

"But she needs me," I murmur as a reply, the words desperate as I watched Gabby until they placed her in a bay and surrounded her with nurses and doctors, taking her out of sight.

"She's in the best possible hands sir, I promise you that," the nurse answers softly as she leads me towards the waiting room, where I inevitably knew I'd end up.

Then she left me alone to pace in the empty waiting room, the disinfectant smell and awkward atmosphere of hospitals finally hitting my senses. I paced around, nervous, but no longer fearful. Gabby was safe. And in truth, that's all that matters.

_I hadn't lost her._

"Matt, where is she?" Antonio's voice broke me from my inner thoughts, stunting my pacing as I noted that behind him, stood the very weary and the very tired family that had come together to find Gabby. Firefighters, medics and cops alike filled the room, relief seeping from every pore.

"I tried to go with her. The doctors wouldn't let me, I wanted to but-" Antonio putting his arms around me halted my rambling.

"It's okay man," Antonio says quietly and finally I accepted these comforting words.

He moves to sit on the closest seat to the door and then Kelly stands before me, asking quietly, "Did the doctors say anything?"

I shake my head, "I wasn't really listening. It was too much."

Kelly shrugs, "They'll be out soon Matt. Gabby's a fighter, she's gonna be fine."

I didn't have chance to answer him before I heard a distant screaming. A screaming, a voice, that I recognised all too well, "_Get off me! Get off! Please stop! Stop! No! No! Don't touch me! Get off!"_

I'm out the door the moment I process what's happening, rushing towards where I saw the doctors take Gabby, following her yells until I found her.

The doctors and nurses had jumped back in shock as Gabby lay on her bed, fumbling with the wires, screaming for them not to touch her. Whenever someone stepped forward, she swatted them away, her screaming becoming louder and more desperate.

I rushed to her side, ignoring her as at first, she too swatted me away. But I place my hands on her now bare arms and murmur softly, "Gabby, baby, it's me… It's Matt. You're okay, I promise you're okay. I'm here baby…"

Gabby stares wide eyed at me, the look in her eye one of disbelief as if she couldn't believe that she was seeing me. Shaky seconds pass before she collapses into my arms, clutching tighter than ever before at my body, her tears instantly soaking through my shirt as I encased her in my arms, holding her close, whispering reassurances into her ear.

As I cradle her body in my arms, I notice Antonio had followed me. He stared with tears in his eyes at his sister, completely heartbroken at what he'd just seen.

"I've got you baby, I'm not going anywhere, I promise," I whisper to her as I feel the quaking of her body start to slow.

It was a promise I was going to keep for the rest of my life.

* * *

I stay with Gabby whilst the doctors do everything they have to do. It's the only way that she'll let them near her and it's much easier for them to tend her when she's not struggling or screaming at them. Antonio stays close by, watching from the edge of the bay, resting against the wall with his arms crossed and an unreadable expression on his face.

Eventually when the doctors have done everything that had to and after Gabby's had a full body x-ray, they move her to a private room, and she does not let my hand go for a second.

_Cracked ribs. _

_Minor concussion._

_Multiple bruising covering her entire body._

_Rope burns and cuts to her wrists. _

_Dehydration. _

_Defensive wounds._

It was a list of the extent of Gabby's injuries, not including the mental trauma that Victor Ramsey had inflicted on the strongest woman I know.

A while ago the tears had subsided, the shaking not long after, until now Gabby just stares up with bewilderment at me, her hands clutching mine tightly.

"You came," it's the first words I hear after her screams. Her voice was dry, croaky, but she was still Gabby. Still Gabby.

"What else would I have done?" I murmur softly back, bringing her knuckles to my mouth, kissing them, trying to ignore the white bandages around her wrists.

Something flickers in her eyes. Something I didn't like, but I don't press it. Now is not the time for pushing her.

"I'm sorry Matt," Gabby says, her voice barely audible.

Tucking a lock of wild curly hair behind her ear I say, "You have nothing to be sorry for. What he did-"

She shakes her head, "This has nothing to do with Ramsey. I'm sorry for everything that happened before."

I was confused at what was going through her head, usually she was so easy for me to read, but right now, I had no idea what she was thinking, "Gabby, we've got plenty of time to talk about that okay? But right now we just need to focus on you getting better."

Defiantly, Gabby says, "I want to go home."

I nod, "We will, soon - when the doctors say that it's fine for you to be discharged."

"No Matt now, I'm not sitting here for however long talking over and over about Victor Ramsey and what he did. I'm not a victim," Gabby says coldly, her eyes fiery, determined to argue over this.

"Gabby, nobody has said that you're a victim-"

"But that's exactly what it'll seem like when everyone comes. I don't want my life to revolve around Ramsey for another minute."

Gabby turns away then, her eyes focusing on the bedding, her jaw tight. _She doesn't want to deal with what happened; she just wants to 'forget' about it._

I sigh, but I'm not giving up, "Gabby you're life _does not _and _will not _revolve around Ramsey and what he did. But we almost lost you to him, _I _almost lost you to him, and we all just want to help you through this."

"I don't need help because there's nothing to get through Matt. I'm fine. I want to go home," she was resisting me and the determined tone in her voice told me that she wasn't going to back down on this just yet.

I try a different angle, "Gabby, can you look at me please?" I ask in a gentle tone, squeezing her hands to show her that I wasn't going anywhere.

After a few begrudging seconds Gabby does, reconnecting her brown eyes with my blue ones, softening just a little bit, "I love you Gabby and no matter what I will always love you. You don't have to be scared that I'm going to leave if you talk about Ramsey. I'm here, I will always be here, and I'm going to be here to help you through every single step of this okay? You can let me in."

Tears threaten to fall in her eyes. One does, and I reach up with my thumb to wipe it away as Gabby murmurs, "I love you too."

"Shall I get Antonio?" I ask her when I realise that Gabby isn't going to say anymore.

She nods slowly, "Just Antonio okay? I'm not ready to see the others yet... Not like this."

I kiss her forehead, "They'll never judge you Gabby," I assure her.

"I know," she whispers as I slip out of the room and head to the waiting room. I find Antonio standing right outside with Halstead and the moment he sees me his eyes flicker.

"She wants to see you, she's calmer now..." I didn't have to tell him twice. Antonio races down the hall before I'd even finished my sentence.

Kelly then steps out of the waiting room, eyeing me curiously, "How is she?"

"Calmer," is all I can manage to get out. _How was Gabby? I didn't know. _

Kelly stays quiet until I speak again, knowing that I wanted to get something off my chest, "She's pretending that she's fine. She doesn't want to talk about Ramsey. It's like she just wants to forget that all this happened... The first thing she said to me was that 'she's sorry' about what happened before Ramsey took her. That_ she's _sorry. What the hell does she have to be sorry for huh?"

"You think she just wants to bottle it all up?"

I nod, "She keeps asking to go home. That's all she wants. It's like these past few days haven't happened in her mind."

Kelly rubs his mouth before answering, "Matt what Gabby went through was traumatizing, even for the strongest of people, this may be, however right or wrong, her way of coping."

"Pretending it didn't happen _isn't _coping Kelly," I answer sharply, running my hand frustratingly through my hair.

"You and I know that Matt, but look what she's been through. Anyone in her position would want to forget... Look, maybe right now isn't the time to encourage her to talk. Give her a few days, just to process what's happened, and perhaps then it'll be easier for her to open up."

I lean my forehead against the wall and sigh shakily; _I could only hope that Kelly was right. _


	15. Don't

**Hey guys!**

**I know! I know! I'm awful. I'm sorry for the crazy delay in updating. I know it's hard. It's been hard for me too!**

**My life is kinda crazy right now and as much as I want to sit down in front of my laptop and write, write, write, school has to take a priority right now :(**

**I promise I'll keep updating as much as I can, and I can promise that an update for 'It's never that simple' will be on its way very shortly!**

**Again, I'm so sorry!**

**I hope this chapter somehow makes it up to you all, even though it's not particularly happy. Gabby has a winding road ahead of her, and so does everyone around her. It's hard almost dying and it's hard watching someone you love almost die too. **

**Love you all!**

**Hannah**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Antonio_**

"Antonio, I just want to go home."

The defiant, hard, almost cold look in Gabby's eyes unnerved me. She stared up at me with her bruised jaw, bruised arms and bandaged wrists, the white gown from the hospital pressed against her still slightly pale skin, and she didn't look like Gabby.

Not the Gabby I know.

I sigh, take her hand in mine, watch her eyes soften for a quick moment before they harden again, "Gabby, look I know the hospital isn't the best place to be but you need to recover-"

She cuts me off quickly, something I was pretty used to when it came to my hot-headed sister. But this felt wrong, unfamiliar; Gabby was burying what had happened and wanted to build a fortress around it, not allowing anyone inside. "I'm fine," she says with an air of exasperation in her words that felt more synthetic than natural, _but how can she be fine?_

She isn't. I know my sister well enough to know that this is her way of coping, to put on a brave face and pretend nothing ever happened to her, "Can you stop being so fussy?" Gabby snaps, "I'll feel more comfortable at home."

"Refusing to talk about what happened isn't fine Gabby," I try to say softly, but the look she was sending my way unnerved me, and the words came out with a harsher tone than I intended.

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm here aren't I?" Gabby mutters stubbornly, her eyes leaving my own to watch her hand in mine, and her lip quivered slightly at the sight.

"You and I both know that there's more going on in your head than you care to admit... Nobody is judging you Gabs, you went through more things than most people can imagine, but you need to talk to us," I try not to stress the words so much and I'm sure my concern for her shows, because her defiant act eases a little, and her tense shoulders slump.

"I don't know what you expect me to say," Gabby murmurs, her voice sounding lost, her eyes tearing, her hand tightening its grip around mine.

"I don't want you to bottle this up. We both know how you get when you do that," I say gently, my voice not accusing, just stating facts, just trying to make her see that she wasn't alone.

"There's nothing to bottle up."

"Gabby we know how you got Mills and Brett free. We know what happened at the cabin. You don't have to protect us from it. You can talk to me Gabs, I'm your big brother-" I explain almost desperately, trying to make her open up, but my words have the opposite effect, and I feel her body stiffen, and her eyes shield themselves with anger and defiance.

"You know what happened at the cabin?" She questions with a hard demanding tone, her eyes watching me very carefully for me answer.

"Yes Gabby-"

"You as in who? You and Voight?!" She orders with a hurried, harsh voice, the desperation hidden beneath the cold exterior she was trying to portray.

"Gabby, calm down, it's okay-" but my words were futile. Even under normal circumstances, telling Gabby to calm down never worked, and in fact only added fuel to her fire.

"Who Antonio?!" Her voice is loud now, almost screeching, the wild look of desperation blazing in her dark eyes.

"Voight and me, Lindsay and Halstead were there. Matt and Severide too." And as I say the last two names I realise what all this anger and fear is about.

"What do you know?!" Gabby yells with a tone that suggested she was afraid of the answer, but yet had to ask the question.

"Gabby, you've got nothing-" I try to reassure, but my calming words fall on deaf ears as Gabby presses me for more answers, "You _all_ saw the tape?"

"Gab-"

"Did you all see it Antonio?!" But by now Gabby had confirmation enough, my hesitance to answer her question only proved that, and I watch as Gabby shook with terror, her eyes wide and pleading, her entire being filled with fear and shame.

"Yes... Gabby-" I try to reach out to her, try to pull her into my chest and tell her that everything is going to be okay, just like I did when she was young, when she was upset, when she needed her big brother. But I'm unable to do so as Gabby jumps from the bed, pushing me away from her, screaming at the top of her frantic voice.

"No, no you can't- Get away from me! Don't touch me!" She screams, pressing herself into the wall, her arms wrapping around herself, holding up her shaky frame.

"Gabby, it's okay-" but again my words fall on deaf ears as Gabby's eyes have widened, as Matt and Severide have rushed into the room, Matt instantly moving towards Gabby, and her yells become louder, more shameful.

"All of you get away from me! Don't! Don't touch me!" Severide pulls Matt's arm, stops him from going near Gabby, who's slipped to the floor, a crying heap of fear and humiliation.

By this time the doctors and nurses have arrived, and Severide and I have to pull Matt outside, him not wanting to leave my sister, the woman he loved, alone when she needed him most, despite her frantic words.

The last thing I see of my sister before the doors close is her surrounded by people trying to calm her, as she pulls her knees to her chest, her eyes red and her cheeks tear-stained, looking completely broken.

* * *

"What the hell happened in there Antonio? What did you say to her?" Matt's raging yells filled the silence of the waiting room as the confused and concerned faces stared up at us, as Severide and I dragged a kicking and screaming Matthew Casey into the room.

His eyes glared at me with a fierce rage and a determined look of protection in his eyes as Severide kept him at arm's length from me, Matt's face red with anger and his chest panting rapidly with concern.

I waited for Severide to calm him down before I spoke, afraid that I'd only infuriate him more if he wasn't thinking with a clear head. The usual level-headed, calm, cool and collected Matthew Casey I knew was nowhere to be seen, instead replaced with a desperate man who would do anything to protect my sister. If I needed assurance, which I didn't, I couldn't help but be convinced on how much this man loved my sister.

"Matt, I know things are crazy right now, but you've gotta listen what he has to say... He's not the bad guy here," Severide spoke with a low calm voice that appeared to assure Matt enough for him to stop wanting, albeit temporary, to hit me.

Matt glared at me with fierce blazing eyes and with a slight curt nod, he encouraged me to start speaking, even though Severide thought it best to still hold a hand on Matt's chest.

I take a deep breath, there was only one way I could explain it, with the truth, "Gabby was shutting down and pretending that everything was okay. You saw that right?"

Matt nods once and swallows, but doesn't say a word which tells me to keep going, "I told her that there was no need to protect us from what had happened because we knew."

Something flickered in Matt's tired eyes, realisation and sorrow, "And then Gabby started freaking out and was pressing me about the video. When I told her that we had watched it all, and when...when she found out _who_ had seen it, that's when she lost it and wouldn't let me near her."

My words left a sickening silence in the room, one full of sadness, sympathy, worry and concern. And when I look into Matt's eyes, and see what my words have done to him, I almost regret saying them. He looked shattered.

"I need to see her, I need to-" he tries to rush out of the room, frantic suddenly, desperate, but Severide and I stop him.

"Get off me! Get off! She needs to know! She needs-" Matt yells at us, fighting against our hands that held him in the room.

"Matt! Matt, listen to me! Right now Gabby doesn't need screaming and shouting. She needs calm and stability and she needs you to be whatever she needs right now," Severide holds a fighting Matt by his arms, trying to get through to him with his words, Matt pauses.

"Look man, I know how hard this is okay? And I know how easy it would be to just yell and let it all out. But Gabby's going to need you, if anyone can pull her out of this it's you Matt, and you're going to have to take this one step at a time with her... She's freaked out, scared and ashamed Matt, and you've got to be her rock to help her through this. You hear me?"

Matt stared up at Severide and long defining moments pass. Severide watched as Matt processed his words and how they seemed to have calmed him, until Matt shrugs our hands off his body and shuffles out of the room with a "I need a minute," thrown our way.

Severide moves to follow him, but Herrmann steps forward and halts him, "I got this one…" he says quietly, and after Severide's nod he heads in the same direction that Matt went.

The occupants of the room, firefighters and cops alike, all turned their attention to Chief Boden when he began to speak, giving us a direction in which to take ourselves after the traumatising events of the past few days, "You don't let anyone go at this alone, not Gabriela, not Casey… No one deals with this alone. We're all going to need each other in the coming days and weeks, so stand by each other and lean on those closest to you. No one is alone in this family."

* * *

**_Herrmann_**

After knowing Matthew Casey for his entire firefighting career and from watching him grow from our Candidate to our Truck Lieutenant, I not only considered him a friend, but a brother too. This being said, I'd seen the man at his highs and lows, and I'd seen every emotion possible on his face and in his eyes. From the happiest times in his life, to the saddest, to the hardest, to the most defining, I'd seen them all.

At least I thought I had.

But the truth is, after finding him in some empty stairwell sat on the stairs with his head in his hands, I'd never once seen Matthew Casey lost. Until now.

He was at a loss on how to help the woman he loved more than life itself. That much was as clear as day to anyone who witnessed Casey and Dawson together for even a split second. They were destined for each other from the moment they met, their love something stronger than any of us could comprehend. Even them themselves.

"Hey man," I greet quietly, patting him on the shoulder as I sit down beside him.

With his head still in his hands, Casey's head turns towards me slightly and nods, before letting out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

Casey stays silent, lost in the sad thoughts within his head, trying to find a way out for Dawson and him away from this darkness.

"Do you remember when Cindy and I found out that there was a chance that we could lose Luke? When Cindy was four months pregnant with him?" I say to him, musing, trying to offer him a way out of this darkness, a way to see that Dawson would be okay, in time.

Casey only nods, but his head comes out of his hands and I can see now that I have his full attention.

"Do you remember what you said to me when you came to the hospital? When I asked you how could I stay strong for her and the kids?"

He doesn't nod this eyes, but his eyes tell me that he remembers, he remembers what he told me as I cried, "You said 'you stay strong because you love her Herrmann and you stay strong for her because someone has to have hope that everything will be alright,' do you remember?"

"I remember," he finally croaks out.

"Then you've gotta take a piece of your own advice Casey. Dawson's tough, we all know that, but what happened to her is something that will affect even the strongest of people. But if anyone can help her through this, if anyone can make her see the light even though she feels like it's gone, it's you."

"What do I do?" Casey asks quietly, his voice desperate but strengthening, "How do I make her know that I'm not going anywhere?"

I shrug, "It's simple, you don't go anywhere… and she'll realise that it's true. And she'll realise that it's okay to talk to you about what happened, and she'll know that none of it was her fault. And eventually, she'll be okay. _You'll _be okay."


	16. You and me

**Hey everyone!**

**My sincere apologies for the delay in updating, but I hope this chapter makes up for it! It's extra-long!**

**Hot damn DAWSEY! That scene at the end of the Chicago Med episode. THEY'RE BACK! Wow. I can't wait to see how the rest of the season pans out. Hopefully Matt is smart enough not to hook up with someone from this stupid strip-club which is so gonna end badly for him. Duh. Casey, hunny, look at what you've got in front of you. DAWSON!**

**And if my prediction is correct, she's gonna be pregnant with your baby before this season is out. And then I'll do a Herrmann – "****Yeahhhh! I called it! I called it! Didn't I not call it?!"**

**Anyway, whoa, thank you all for fantastic reviews, heartfelt words and continued amazing support for me and this story. You guys are a gift, seriously.**

**Love you all!**

**Hannah**

**oxoxox**

* * *

_**Casey**_

When I walk back into Gabby's room an hour later, the madness having settled and me having gotten my emotions under control, she is alone, laying there in the bed, pressed up against the white sheets, her fists crumpling a handful into tight balls, her knuckles white.

Her brown eyes snap up at me and she stares. Only for a few fleeting seconds. Then her eyes dart away and fixate themselves on the patterns on the bed sheets.

The look in her eye made me sick to my stomach. Shame. Humiliation. Disgust.

_How I wish I could make it all go away for her. How I wish this had never happened. That I had been able to stop it, to protect her._

I gage her reaction by taking the smallest step towards the bed, testing how she would take my proximity to her, remembering how I only made the earlier situation worse, not better.

Her focus on the sheets had never been more intent.

"Gabby," I whisper, so quiet I wasn't sure if she'd hear, but I can tell she does because her eyes close and she bites her lip; an action she does when she is trying to conceal her emotions. I can see the composure on her face crack and my body feels so tired yet so desperate to rush over there and hold her in my arms and never let her go.

I need to say the words she has to hear to understand that I'm never going anywhere. I go over them a million times in my head, but all that rehearsing means nothing when the words come tumbling out of my mouth, my heart overriding my head, "I just need you to know that no matter how long it takes, no matter how much you don't want me near you right now, no matter how hard and painful it all is and no matter what has happened, I love you and I'm going to be here every single step of the way. You're not alone in this Gabriela Dawson, you have me."

And then she breaks down into tears. Thick and fast, running stream after stream of saltiness down her flushed cheeks. And then I can no longer plant my feet to the ground, they take off towards her before my head tells them too, and I wrap my arms around Gabby's sobbing body, hoping that this small act of comfort can make even the slightest difference.

At first she stiffens, but only a heartbeat passes till she turns into my chest and clutches my shirt with her shaking hands, her warm tears trickling down my neck.

"Don't think of me like that…" she sobs quietly and it takes a moment for me to understand what she has said, "Don't think of that ever again. Please. I don't want you to think of me and…and him and that video."

At first, I'm not sure what to say.

The truth was, the video that I had seen had been playing in my mind repeatedly, constantly reliving him hurting her and Gabby yelling at him to stop. Her crying out her apologies to me, the terrified look on her face, the whimpers as he tried to remove her clothes and the desperate wild nature of the fight Gabby put up when she got free.

I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I couldn't stop thinking about what would've happened had Gabby been unable to get out of her ties, what Ramsey would have done to her had she'd remained bound. The thoughts sickened me, enraged me, and I tried my hardest to push them out of my mind, but the harder I tried the more they took hold of my thoughts. _He would have hurt her… in that way. _I couldn't comprehend thinking about it, thinking about what it would have done to Gabby, how it would have shattered her.

And then I think about what Ramsey would have done _afterwards, _would he have killed Gabby? What if we'd arrived too late? What if she was dead?

My soul twisted in an unnatural ugly way. The thought of Gabby dead was unbearable; this world would be a whole lot less without her in it. And so would I. Truth was, I wouldn't be here right now if Gabby had died.

But she hadn't. My girl was a fighter, _is _a fighter and she made it out. And if there was one thing I knew Gabby hated was 'what ifs', so I can't dwell on them. I just have to focus on Gabby right now, and that she's here in my arms, alive.

"You don't have anything to be ashamed of Gabby. What he did, that's on him. It's not your fault," I whisper into her hair, whilst taking her hand in mine, trying to ignore the bandages I felt around her wrist.

Gabby pulls out of my chest and stares at me with begging angry eyes, "But that doesn't change what happened. It doesn't change a thing. I don't want you to think of me like that."

I brush a lock of her dark curly hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear, "You're not defined by what he did, but it's hard not to think of it Gabby."

She swats my hand away from her shoulder where it had come to rest, "_Try _Matt," the hard almost cold emphasis of 'try' combined with the way she looked at me sent a chill throughout my body. _She was so angry…and afraid._

"What are you afraid of?" I knew Gabby better than she knew herself and my mentioning of her being afraid was something that flashed shock through her deep brown eyes. Momentarily speechless she's taken aback, before she hits back with, "I'm not afraid. I just don't want you seeing me as some sort of victim," the hard tone she was using was only a stark indicator to me that she was not dealing with what had happened and that she was just compartmentalizing and blocking out her emotions.

After watching her for a long few moments I lift up my hand slowly, cupping her chin, feeling relieved that she doesn't swat me away this time, "That's it, isn't it?"

Tears that she hadn't realised had formed were now slipping down her face, "Isn't what?" she questions with a hesitant tone.

"You're afraid that I'll treat you differently and that our relationship will change because of what happened."

Gabby shrugs, "You will Matt, you all will."

I sigh. I was trying to think of the words to explain it all to her, but I couldn't form them into a practiced speech so instead I just let the words flow out, "Okay, for a while, things are going to be different. Everyone will be concerned about you 24/7; you'll be asked all the time how you're feeling and everyone is going to want to try to make you feel better all the time. Gabby, yes, I'm going to be terrified for a while. I'm probably gonna get on your nerves with all the fussing I'm going to do. And you're definitely going to want to yell at me because I'm not going to leave your side. But this will be because we almost lost you, _I _almost lost you, and it was single handily the worst feeling I have ever had… But with time, when we see that you're here and you're okay and that we're finally assured that you're getting back to normality, the fussing will stop, the questioning will stop and eventually, everything will be as it was…"

Gabby wipes away her tears, "Okay," she nods, "Okay," I get the feeling it's all she can say.

She tugs on my shirt as she pulls me into her, wrapping her arms around my neck. Gabby's warm breath on my skin was comforting and probably the most reassuring thing that I'd experienced all day. It instilled to me that she was really here.

"Matt?" She says with a low tone, the feel of her lips moving against my skin alerting me to the fact that she had called my name.

"Yeah?" My answer caused her to pull her head out of the crook of my neck, but she kept her hand at the back of it, the ends of hair she found there entangled with her fingers.

Gabby runs her thumb along my lips, which were chapped from the cold and stress, and gazes up at me with hooded eyes, "Kiss me."

She sees my hesitation, my fear of pushing her and to this, she simply shakes her head, "Matt, don't think about this. Please."

And so I don't think.

I lean down, bring my hand to her jaw as I feel her grasp on the ends of my hair tighten, and press my lips to hers. It was similar to the kiss we shared the moment I found her underneath the rubble, after the bombing, thinking that I'd perhaps lost her, that she was gone. It was a source of comfort, an unspoken pact that we we're never leaving the other, it was the build-up of all our emotions and it was our way of saying 'I love you'.

"Just hold on to this, okay? Everything else is just background noise, it's just you and me," Gabby murmurs when she leans her forehead against mine, her eyes closed, the tone of her words telling me how she was desperate for me to understand and listen to her words.

"Just you and me," I answer before kissing her forehead.

Moments of silence pass by before Gabby speaks again, "How about you go get everyone? It's about time I saw them."

"Are you sure?" I ask feeling hesitant, was she ready to face all the people that she was worried would treat her differently?

She nods, "I'm sure."

* * *

_**Dawson**_

The urge to just run away was overwhelming.

How easy it would be, to run and pretend that this never happened. But I know it would eventually catch up to me, everything always does.

I can't run away. I won't let Ramsey take the only thing that I truly love away from me; Matt and my family.

So I sit and wait for Matt to return with everyone, all the while trying not to get myself worked up and teary and shaky and angry. Anger, I found, was the emotion I kept finding within myself. Fear too, but a lot of it was anger. But beyond that, I couldn't figure out what was going on in my head.

In simple terms, my head was all over the shop. And it was a messy shop.

I spot Matt's jacket draped on the arm of the chair so I reach over and grab it. I pull it around my body, drowning in his comforting scent and zipping it up all the way.

I didn't want those I loved to see me like this. I wanted them to see me how they've always seen me, because maybe that will put them at ease a little more. I didn't want them to act differently around me and I didn't want them to be nervous around me either.

Plus, the jacket covered the bruising on my arms and the bandages on my wrist. The only thing I couldn't hide was the cut on my forehead and the bruise on my jaw, but I was hoping that everyone could look past this.

Part of me was hoping that Antonio wasn't going to walk through the door. After earlier, I was afraid of seeing him. I'd scared him so much. But I knew that there was no way in hell that it was going to happen, since Antonio was the second person to walk in after Matt, followed by the stream of cops, firefighters and paramedics that followed.

I felt so many eyes on me. I bunch the ends of the sleeves of Matt's jacket into my fists and searched for his eyes. When his met mine, the look in his eye reassured me that this was going to be okay.

Then Antonio appeared in my line of view and wrapped his arms around me before I had chance to say anything, "I'm sorry," I mumble as my hands come to rest on his back.

"Hey," he says as he pulls away, his hands cupping my cheeks, "No tienes nada que lamentar."

_You have nothing to be sorry for. _

"Te quiero Antonio."

He smiles before poking my nose like he did when I was a little girl but still continues to do now, "Yo también te quiero Gabriela."

I huff and then complain teasingly, to assure him and everyone in the room than I was better than they were all thinking, judging by the looks in their eyes, "Don't call me Gabriela. You sound like mom when she's pissed at me."

Antonio rolls his eyes before shuffling back and placing a hand on the shoulder of Matt, who was sat in the seat beside my bed, just watching.

I scanned the room slowly, seeing everyone I could possibly think of standing in this room. Then I spotted Mills and Brett, and apart from the sling and cast on Mills' arm, and the weary looks on their faces, they were okay.

"You're okay…" I state with a tone of near disbelief, apart from Antonio earlier saying 'We know how you got Mills and Brett free' I hadn't been told anything else, and it was a shock to see them both here. I'd thought they'd be at a hospital.

"We're okay," Mills says quietly, as if not to shock me and then Brett rushes into my arms, her blonde hair clouding my vision, her warm tears falling onto my cheeks.

And then another set of arms encloses us both, pushing Brett further into my chest, causing me to hiss no matter how much I held it in. Brett jumps from me, and then I realised that it was Mills behind her, who too jumped away, "Just the ribs," I explain to the frightened eyes that watched me.

Brett swallows thickly, another wave of tears threatening to fall before I grab her hand tightly in mine and stare up at her with determination, "Hey, look at me. _I'm okay. _I'm fine."

"We just wish there was something we could have done," she murmurs.

"You did. You got out of there."

Mills moves over to stand by Cruz, Brett trying to move back to but I keep a hold of her hand and take a deep breath, and confront the rest of the room.

"Thank you, all of you…for… everything…" I have to keep swallowing back my tears, forcing myself to remain somewhat in control of my emotions.

The room was silent, everyone unsure of what to say, until Herrmann steps forward and walks towards my bed with his arms outstretched, "Ah kid, couldn't let your annoying ass go anywhere could we?"

I laugh a genuine laugh as he encloses me into his hug, "Annoying? That's definitely not me."

"Yeah yeah," Herrmann mutters, "We're just glad you're okay."

Hugs then followed in every direction. From Chief, Cruz, Otis, Mouch, from Newhouse and Capp and Tony.

And then I turn to the cops in the room, "If it weren't for you guys I'm not sure where I'd be right now, so thank you for everything you did. And thank you for dealing with those two," I point to Matt and Antonio, "I know you would have had a rough time with them both."

"Like you wouldn't believe," Jay smiles as he comes over, giving me a quick hug, "But it doesn't matter, we got you back. That's all that matters."

He moves out of the way, and the first person I see is Voight standing between Erin and Ruzek, watching me with what I thought to be admiration or respect. Maybe.

Then everyone starts to leave after I tell them to go home and the rest they all deserved and needed, waving them out, greeted with more smiles and hugs and 'see ya soons.'

"Kelly Severide don't pretend like I've forgotten about you," I scold half-heartedly as I see him try to slip out of the room with the others.

He stops and turns to me with a sheepish smile, leaving just him, Matt, Antonio and I in the room, "C'mere," I murmur and he does and he comes over and wraps his arms around me, "I'm glad you're okay Gabs."

"Me too… Thank you for being there for him, Kelly," I say, referring to Matt.

Kelly pulls away and smiles, "I'm here for the both of you."

Once he settles into a chair beside the bed and Matt settles himself next me, me snuggling into his body as Antonio sits at the end of the bed, I ask them all the very question that I'd been asking all day to no avail.

"So, when can I go home?"


	17. Don't let him do this to us

**Hey guys!**

**I cannot apologise enough for the delay in this update. I've been crazy busy with exams, ugh! Well they're finished now, and I hope to back writing much more frequently now!**

**Anyway, I know you guys are anxiously to start reading so I won't keep you much longer! I just wanna say a massive thank you for all of you readers out there. Without your love and support I'd be nothing. Thank you! I love you guys.**

**Love Hannah!**

**oxoxox**

* * *

_**Severide**_

_"So, when can I go home?"_

The question rang through the room in a blunt and matter-of-fact manner. Gabby had presumably asked this question before and from the look in her eye, she'd received no answer. The defiance was there, burning brightly, as if she felt that the moment she gave up her façade would be the moment that we'd all think differently of her. Perhaps I saw this more objectively than Matt and Antonio, but I saw the fear in the eyes that she was trying so desperately to hide. Despite how strong Gabby is, anyone would be affected deeply by what she went through – there's no way around it.

I watched as Antonio deflated with exasperation and Matt stiffens with worry. Clearly this question had been asked before and as Gabby's own exasperation showed on her face, it was evident she knew what the answer was going to be.

"Gabs-" Antonio starts, before he is quickly cut off by the sharp tone of his sister fighting her case.

"If you're gonna feed me some crap about recovering then save it. I'm fine. I want to go home and I need to sleep," Gabby's brows raise when Antonio tries to argue with her.

"You can sleep here," he challenges.

Her dark eyes narrow, "In a bed that _isn't_ lumpy and surrounded by beeping machines."

Matt had been quiet, holding Gabby in his arms and watching the scene before him, judging Gabby's tone of voice, her words, her expressions and her body language. Matt knew her better than anyone and from the look on his face I could tell that he was more than worried.

I tended to agree with Gabby in this case, physically she's fine and the doctors here can't do no more for her – it would be better for her to go home and rest. I was much more worried about the mental and emotional trauma that this entire ordeal had given her.

"Perhaps going home would do her some good Antonio, docs here can't do no more than what they've already done," I state in Gabby's favour… _maybe home would make her more comfortable and more open to talking, or crying, or screaming… or any reaction other than a blasé crap we were getting right now. _

"See," Gabby smirks, but it's twisted and weird and not a usual Dawson smirk, "Someone who speaks a bit of sense."

* * *

So nearly three hours later Matt, Gabby and I trawl inside the apartment. I instantly move to make coffee – it was late, almost 10pm, but I figured we (or at least Matt and I) wouldn't be sleeping for a few hours yet.

When I turn I find Gabby staring blankly at the sofa, not making a move to sit on it. Matt's staring at her, confused and worried, wondering what the hell to do. Slowly he moves towards her, placing a cautious hand on her bruised arm, wincing when he sees the bandage around her wrist, "Gabby?"

Instantly she's shocked out of her trance, her head twisting quickly to face Matt, "Sorry…daydreaming," she offers before plopping down quickly on the sofa, moving to remove her shoes.

Matt glances up at me and we share a look that says more than words could right now.

A few hours later long after Matt and Gabby had gone to bed, I lay on the sofa, unable to sleep, but drifting in and out of a semi-state of consciousness.

_God, I'd almost lost her. _

Gabby and I had never been particularly close, not in the we hang out and share stories kind of close, but distantly we were. We always knew that the other was there if we needed it. I surely did, without Gabby I'd had never kicked my painkiller habit and without her and Matt taking me in I don't know what I'd be doing right now… Drinking most probably.

Gabby and I shared a mutual love for Shay and in turn, when she died, a mutual love for each other. She was the only one who could understand how I felt and I her, Shay was a big part of both of our lives. It was a mutual grief that we both understood.

And in the past months we had become closer; living together can only do that to you. She was a good friend, and in a way like a little sister. The idea of losing her, along with Shay, was incomprehensible.

I had an idea of how Matt had felt. God, the fear…

My thoughts are surely interrupted by the low noise of feet padding across the room. Looking up I suspected the noise to belong to Matt, unable to sleep, but instead it was Gabby, dressed in Matt's sweatpants and hoodie, looking like she'd seen a ghost.

She could have chosen the armchair, but instead she places herself on the edge of the sofa, beside my feet. She brings her hands up to her mouth and I watch, with a pit of sadness in my stomach, as her eyes become glassy.

"Gabs?" My voice is rough as I sit up, eyes squinting in the light from the muted TV and the lamp, "Gabs what is it?"

She fights the tears with everything she has.

"Gabs?"

Gabby turns and looks at me, "How… how do I do this?" She stammers, her voice scratchy from holding back her emotions and fighting the tears.

"With us. You've got us," I whisper as I pull her to my chest, feeling as all at once, she lets go and the tears fall.

* * *

I explain the whole thing to Matt. I explain how I woke to Gabby making her way through the living room, I tell him what she said, how she looked. I explain how Gabby cried and cried until the exhaustion and the emotion sent her to sleep in my arms, and I carried her into their room. Matt had woken, I'd told him I'd explain in morning and so here I was.

Matt sighs and rubs his face with his hands, physical expression of the emotional conflict he was experiencing. He pauses for a moment, checking if the shower was still running with Gabby in it, and since the noise confirms this for him he continues, "I don't know what to do Kelly… I just… God I feel like I'm doing nothing for her except bothering her."

"You want my honest opinion?" I thought he needed that much, the poor guy was suffering from so much emotional turmoil that lying wasn't going to help him at all.

Matt nods, as if he's too tired to argue with it, "She's trying to protect you and herself. Look if I was in her position I wouldn't wanna talk about what happened with you either – Gabby knows what this did to you. She doesn't want to add to that."

Matt slaps his fist down onto the arm of the sofa, "I don't give a damn how I am in all this!"

"Hey, Matt I know that. Truth is Gabby knows that you want her to open up. But honestly, can you imagine trying to talk to her about what happened? Describing it? Talking how you felt, how you feel now? I'm not saying she won't open up, but right now that just isn't going to happen."

"She opened up to you."

I raise a brow, silently telling him not to go to where I knew he was headed, "That's because I'm not you Matt. She doesn't feel the need to protect me like she does you."

Gritting his teeth he mutters, "I should be the one protecting her."

"Matt, I only going to tell you once not to do this to yourself. You-"

I can't finish because I'm cut off by the bathroom door flying open and a frantic Gabby rushing out. She's dressed in another one of Matt's hoodies, her hair dripping wet, her eyes wide and wild, "Where is it?!"

She begins to look frantically across the living room, running her hands over the bookshelf, the DVD case, the tables, the shelves, "Where is it?!" she yelps again.

Matt's at her side in an instant, "Gabby, whoa calm-"

"Don't tell me to calm down! Where is it? Where's Shay's necklace?" Gabby struggles against Matt's grip, trying to get out of it to continue her search for the item she'd never find.

I quickly pull out my cell and dial Antonio's number, whilst watching Matt trying to explain to his fiancée that the necklace wasn't here. It was evidence at District 21.

_"Severide? What is it? Is it Gabby?"_

"Hey Antonio, how fast can you get here with Shay's necklace?" I mutter quietly into the cell, keeping an eye on Matt and Gabby, watching as Gabby's body slumps with the explanation of how her necklace ended up as evidence.

_"What? Shay's necklace? I can't – it's evidence."_

I figured that it'd be the answer, but by the way Gabby was seemingly unable to be calmed by Matt, she needed the necklace, "Antonio I don't care what you have to do, but I need you to get it here. Gabby's going crazy without it."

That answer quickly changed his tone, _"I'll be there in fifteen."_

The moment he answers I hang up and head over to Gabby, who was still shaky and upset, "Gabs, Antonio's bringing the necklace here. Give him fifteen. He'll be here."

With big brown eyes she looks between Matt and me, and then back to Matt again. She pulls out of Matt's grasp, heading towards the kitchen whilst muttering, "I don't understand why it's there in the first place."

Matt follows her, studying his fiancée's movements as she quickly flutters around the kitchen to make tea, "Ramsey took it from you. We found it in his car."

She's shaking her head, processing his words but ignoring them, "I'm not supposed to take it off. It's hers. It's Shay's."

"It's not your fault that he took it Gabby," Matt murmurs as he takes a step towards her, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. For a split second, Gabby leans into it.

And then she spins around wildly, "I'm sick of hearing that it's not my fault. 'It's not your fault Gabby, it's his'. Well it damn right is my fault. I should have known better. I shouldn't have walked off shift. I should have known that he was following me. I shouldn't have let him get the best of me. I'm sick of everyone lying to me, so please Matt, tell me the goddamn truth!"

She brushes past him, but Matt doesn't let her get a foot away before he grabs her hand, pulling her back towards him, "Is that what you think? That we're lying to you? Whatever is going on in your head you have to talk to me Gabby because right now I just don't know what you're thinking!"

"What? _Now_ you wanna talk Matt? Before all this you wouldn't talk about a damn thing!" Gabby yells at him, and whilst I couldn't see Matt's face, I could only picture the look of hurt on his face.

"Don't do this. Don't push me away Gabby, please," Matt murmurs with a tone of pure sadness.

I watch as Gabby's heartbreak becomes evident on her face, "Don't let him do this to us Gabby."

Just when I think Gabby's about break, the door knocks with Antonio on the other side of it yelling, "Severide, open up now!"


	18. Not now, not yet

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* * *

**_Casey_**

In the corner of my eye I see that Kelly moves to the front door to allow Antonio in. Gabby and I stood before each other, her eyes blazing with rage and mine with worry and sadness.

"God, scream, cry, punch freaking walls if you have to Gabby, but please don't push me away," I tell her truthfully, "I almost lost you because of him, don't allow him to ruin this. Not after how much you fought to be able to be standing here right now."

She swallows thickly and averts her eyes, bringing her hands up to wrap around her body. She's fighting back tears.

"Stop it okay, just stop," Gabby mutters as the tears begin to fall. She tells me to stop because she doesn't want to think of Ramsey for another second, she doesn't like me talking about it either, but at some point something will have to give.

The look in her eye tells me that she needs me to hold her, so I pull her into my arms and feel her shaky body release her tears onto my shoulder.

"I'm here, I'm always going to be here Gabby," I whisper into her hair, holding her to my chest as tightly as I could, hoping that my words would help her open up and put her at ease.

Her next words make me realise how little progress we've made.

"I just want things to be normal again," she says as she pulls away from my chest and wipes her teary eyes roughly, trying to compose herself.

"Things aren't gonna be normal for a while sis," it's Antonio's voice which makes us both turn away to spot him standing next to Kelly, a hand in his pocket.

But Gabby's mask is already back on, she's quickly rebuilt her resolve, and the defiant blasé look and tone had returned, once again blazing in her eyes, "There's no reason for it not to be Antonio..."

It seemed as if Antonio, Kelly and I all sighed in exasperation at the same time, but Antonio can't say a word before Gabby continues, "Do you have it?"

Seemingly too tired to argue, or realising that Gabby wouldn't back down tonight at the very least, Antonio nods and pulls out a plastic evidence bag, Shay's necklace sat at the bottom.

Gabby takes it in a hurry, moving to the kitchen drawer and pulling out a knife to slice the tape. She pulls out the necklace and clutches it in her hands, and as I watch I see how her shoulders relax just a little. She clips it into place onto her neck, before moving her hands to her front and clutching the little medallion in her hand.

Then Gabby leans into the counter, her hands appearing to hold her up; she didn't know what to do next. Antonio looks to me, a look in his eye asking for a moment alone, and so I nod and leave into the living room, Kelly following behind.

Perhaps Antonio could get through to her. I was praying for anything at this point. I knew Gabby, I knew how she bottled everything up and pretended as if everything was okay, but the problem was how this eventually bubbled over and exploded. The pain and the anger and the hurt exploded and knocked Gabby sideways. I hoped that if she could just talk, to anyone, about even the smallest of things, that maybe it would stop her from hurting herself.

I needed to find a way to help her and right now, I was feeling completely helpless because nothing I could do would make what happened go away.

* * *

**_Antonio_**

"What do you need Gabby?"

The question seemed simple enough; the answer was the hardest part. I don't think Gabby had a proper answer as to what she needed.

She sighed and rubbed her face, "I need normalcy Antonio, or someone to be honest with me."

I knew Gabby well enough to know what she meant by 'normalcy' was actually for everyone to forget about the entire thing and ignore what had happened to her.

"When you talk about honesty you see a different truth to what we see. You could have never have known that Ramsey was stalking you," I kept getting different readings on her emotions every time she spoke, leading me to believe that my sister had no clue as to how she was actually feeling.

"But I should have known, I could have prevented all this," what she means by 'prevented' is 'I could have prevented hurting Matt.'

"You think this is your fault?"

A frustrated exhale of breathe leaves her lips, "Logically no, emotionally yes... Antonio, Matt can't even touch me without being afraid about how I'll react. Whatever Matt says Ramsey _has_ changed us, and he promised that Ramsey wouldn't. I need my fiancé to be able to hold me without worrying or thinking about...that..."

A pulse of white hot anger flashes through me at the mere thought as to what Gabby was implying and to the reference to the video I'd seen, "Gabby, but what happened-"

Her eyes widen, "Nothing happened Antonio! Nothing! He didn't do anything!" Gabby screams at me, forcing my hands away when I try to console her.

"Gabby, calm down-" I try to soothe, but my efforts were seemingly useless.

"No Antonio, no! Nothing happened to me! Ramsey didn't do anything! He didn't rape me Antonio!" She's still yelling and suddenly breathless, her eyes wide with panic and fear. The use of the word she'd been avoiding for days shocked her, her body flinching when the word slipped from her mouth.

Seeing my little sister like this hurt like hell, "I know Gabby, I know he didn't...he didn't hurt you but-" Gabby cuts me off once more, clearly she was afraid of what I'd say.

"Rape. Antonio, rape," she says the word with such force and bluntness that I knew it was a pretence or facade, "You can say the goddamn word. Ramsey didn't rape me," then her brown eyes flicker behind me, and so I turn and see that Matt and Severide have returned to the kitchen after hearing the loud voices, "so you can all stop acting like he did," Gabby directs to us all, before sweeping past us and making her way to the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

"Antonio," Matt murmurs vulnerably, "I don't know what to do..."

I shake my head, "I don't know either Matt, I really don't know."

* * *

**_Casey_**

A week passes.

Nothing worsens, nothing improves.

Gabby's coping?...struggling? Who knows? I surely don't. She'll hardly talk to me about anything more important than laundry or what to cook for dinner, or how shift went. I didn't want to go back to work yet, but Gabby convinced me otherwise, saying that we couldn't stop our lives entirely over this one event.

The guys had been crazy worried about her, still were I guess. They didn't stop asking about her whilst I was on shift and they were hoping that she'd stop by. I knew she wouldn't though, and I was right. In her mind, having to deal with Antonio, Kelly and I being 'fussy' and worried about her was enough without the entirety of 51 reminding her of what happened and how scared they were.

I was pretty much at a loss of what to do.

"Hey," her soft voice startles me slightly. I feel her warm body against mine as we sat on the sofa, her hand coming to rest on my knee. Gabby seemed more relaxed than she had been as of late.

I take her hand in mine, bring it to my lips to place a kiss on her knuckles, "Hey," I murmur against the silky skin on her hand.

Gabby looks up at me, those beautiful brown eyes causing my heart to beat a little faster at just the sight of them, "How are you baby?"

_I don't know, _"Getting there," I answer sending her a smile because I couldn't help it when she tucked an unruly curl behind her ear only for it to fall back into place again.

_God she was beautiful._

"How are you doing? Besides laundry or dinner, what's really going on?" I ask gently, to which she shakes her head with a slight chuckle.

_Okay, she was calm. Too calm?_

"I'm..." she pauses, her eyes looking around as she searches for the right words, "getting there too."

Gabby smiles at me again, _that goddamn smile._

She reaches up, rests her hand on the back of my neck playing with the ends of my hair, "You know you can talk to me, right? About anything. I'm not gonna freak out or leave or whatever, I'm here for you," I tell her with a tenderness and a truth to my voice, watching as she nods in understanding - this was nothing I hadn't told her before.

"I know baby," Gabby replies, before she leans up and presses a kiss to my neck, then another... "Thank you," she whispers with her hot breath between her endless kisses.

I sigh weakly; Gabby knew exactly what to do to turn me on and she knew exactly what she was doing right now. Her free hand slips down my torso as their lips continue their purposeful assault on my neck, her warm hand cupping the growing bulge in my pants causing me to murmur her name.

"Ssh," Gabby soothes as she straddles me, her hips pressing against mine wonderfully. The pressure of her jeans against mine was both agony and bliss; her delicate fingers danced across the hem of my shirt, bunching it into her fists to peel it off my skin.

"Severide," I muttered in explanation when I stopped her hands.

She presses her lips against mine and chuckles, "He's at the gym," she answers before pulling my shirt from me and throwing it on the floor. Her warm hands pull my bare chest to her clothed one as she takes my lips for her own, her tongue running across my bottom lip before it toyed with my own. She rocked her hips against mine, causing her to moan into my mouth.

I turn her body; lay her flat on the sofa before straddling her hips listening to sharp gasp when my crotch hits hers. She lifts her leg up, lays it across my back to keep me close, crying out when I lick and nip at the junction of her neck and shoulders, "Ah, Matt..."

Gabby reaches down, unzips my jeans and pulling them down slightly before moving on to hers, "Baby, oh god..."

Then it hit me, and I froze. _Ramsey._

Gabby's not in the right mind-set to be agreeing to this right now, she's trying this on to pretend that what he did has had no effect on her at all, when it really has. She's trying to make me see that she's okay, when she isn't.

I slow my movements. Gabby's trying to get her jeans off. She's too distracted to notice.

"Gabby," I murmur gently, lifting myself up to look into her eyes, but they were closed, "Gabby, stop."

They open in a flash and I feel her body stiffen under mine, "Matt...what?" She questions, but she can see the answer in my eyes.

I watch as her heart breaks.

"Not now, not yet," I explain quietly, brushing a few hairs away from her face.

She shakes her head, pulls at me to tug me closer, "No Matt, I'm fine, _we're _fine," she protests, reaching up to press a kiss to my jaw.

I lay her back down on the sofa, "Gabby, no," I say, and before I know it she pushes my body off her and slips off the sofa. She's stumbling towards the door.

I run after her, almost trip over my jeans that had slipped down my waist, "Gabby, wait!" I call as I catch her hand with mine.

Gabby whips around quickly, "Get off me Matt!" She yelps before ripping her hand away and picking up her shoes and swiping her car keys from the counter before rushing out of the door.

I hear her sob before it closes.

And then my heart breaks too.


	19. Drunk

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* * *

**_Herrmann_**

"Ah come on Otis, stop eating all the peanuts!" Cruz's loud protest almost echoed through Molly's. It was a quiet night, which was to be expected for a Tuesday, but we still had around 20 customers in, so one couldn't complain.

Otis leapt at the chance to smugly remind Cruz that they were his peanuts, "Cruz, since I own a third of this establishment, those peanuts belong to me since they were not sold to you."

Cruz rolls his eyes, "Only a third belongs to you," he mutters, much to the amusement of Mouch, Mills and Brett.

"Hey Herrmann," Brett calls lightly, waving her empty beer bottle at me, "Can I have another please?"

"Sure thing kid," I answer reaching for the beer as Mills announces that he wants another too, "What? You kids here to drink me dry?" I joke.

Mills shrugs, "We're paying."

They fall into mindless chatter once more. Cruz and Otis argue over a movie series, Mouch and Capp listened intently as Newhouse told them a story courtesy of his side job and Mills and Brett mutter quietly amongst themselves, concern etched into Brett's face.

It didn't take a genius to know what, or _who_, she was concerned about.

Dawson.

No one had seen her since the hospital, and from what we'd heard from Severide and Casey she was 'getting there'. _What the hell did that mean?_ A part of me wanted to question it until I realised that perhaps 'getting there' was code for 'we have no idea how she's doing.' It also didn't take a genius to know that Dawson buries things and refuses to talk about stuff she doesn't want to talk about. They probably weren't getting much out of her.

That scared me more than I cared to admit, or let on to the others.

I wasn't sure what label you'd put on my relationship with Dawson, honestly I didn't care. That girl had a special place in my heart; she was family. I'd loved her from her first ever shift at 51, everyone did. She had this way with us all; wormed herself into our hearts without trying. She was a sister to all, a friend, a beloved kid. She'd done so much for me; help get Molly's up and running and never giving up on it, or me. She was always babysitting for Cindy and I, becoming 'Aunty Gabby' to our kids which Dawson didn't mind.

Look, that girl was our family and 51 cherish family, so if one is down we feel it, we may not express it, but we feel it. I knew everyone was feeling her lack of presence at 51 and Molly's. I knew everyone was feeling worried with the little information Severide or Casey could provide. Everyone was wondering when she'd come back, _if _she'd come back.

Heck, the girl had it rough lately.

"You notice it too, don't you Herrmann?"

Brett's words interrupt my mindless counting of cash and thoughts of Dawson. I look up, notice that no one seems to notice besides Mills and Brett; they study me, awaiting my answer; they thought I was listening, "Notice what?"

"That Severide or Casey hardly mentions Dawson, and when they do their answers are pretty vague," Brett explains with a solemn troubled look in her eyes.

I sigh and brace myself against the counter, "When you've known Dawson for as long as we have Brett you learn that the girl doesn't really talk about stuff like this. Be it a bad call, an argument with her brother or something going on in her head, it takes a lot for her open up... If you ask me, Casey's having a hard time trying to get her to open up, and if he can't get through to her, then no one can. She's gonna need time right now, kid."

Brett rubs her eyes, sniffles slightly, "I know, I know... I'm just worried. She went through all that and- I just wanna help her you know? Like she did for us," Brett tilts her head towards Mills so I understand who the 'us' is in her sentence.

Mills wraps his arms around Brett, "Dawson isn't stupid. She knows she's got a huge family around her that will do anything to help her through this. You just gotta let her come to you, that's all. She's stubborn like that."

"Yeah," I chuckle, tap Brett's palm with my finger as a small comfort, "The girl does everything on her own terms. She just deals with stuff at different pace. Don't worry; we know our girl's a fighter. She'll be back to us in no time."

Ironically, when I said those words to Brett I kinda didn't imagine 'no time' meaning that Dawson would walk through the door fifteen minutes later.

* * *

After the 'heys' and 'good to see ya Dawson's' and the 'we've been missing you's' and the worried and confused looks shared between us, Dawson plops herself down on a barstool, leaving a gap between her and Brett.

I wondered where she'd been before arriving here, considering she was already half drunk. After pouring Dawson a tequila at her request, I discreetly text Casey - _Dawson's at Molly's getting drunk. Got a bad feeling about this._

Placing the glass of tequila down in front of Dawson, I don't let go until her eyes flicker up at me, confused, "What?" She mutters before taking a gulp of the drink.

"How are you doing kiddo?" I ask gently, trying not to push her in any way. I could see how fragile she was right now, and I could see how easy it would be to say something that would knock her over the edge.

"Just dandy Herrmann, I'm fine," Dawson answers before forcing a skewered smile onto her face, like the real action was somehow foreign to her now.

She seemed more drunk than I had originally thought.

"Where've you been drinking before you got here?" I drawled to her, trying to gage where her head was at this moment in time.

She shrugs, "Can't remember the name of the bar. It's a couple blocks away from home. First one I found."

Perhaps she couldn't see my concern through her drunken haze, or perhaps she cared to ignore it, but when her eyes studied my face they didn't show alarm, "How did you get here?"

"I drove to the first bar. Walked here. Don't worry, I was being 'responsible' and all that," Dawson snorted, downing the rest of her tequila quickly. She could feel Brett's eyes watching her, so Dawson angled her body away from her.

"Where's Casey?"

She swallows thickly, her eyes suddenly becoming glassy, "He was at home when I left. Probably doesn't care."

_Definitely more drunk than I first thought._

"You know that's not true," I tell her softly, tapping my finger against the back of Dawson's hand.

Rage flashes across her face as she pulls her hand away, "Yes it is Herrmann! You didn't see him... You didn't see the way he acted around me."

"Gabriela Dawson you know for a fact that Casey loves the bones of you-" I try to explain, but this only infuriates her more so she throws herself from the stool, her hands waving around furiously.

"No, no he doesn't! He won't touch me Herrmann, Matt's _disgusted_ by me!" Dawson screams at me, her eyes blazing with shame and anger and along with the flushness in her cheeks from the alcohol, she looked completely lost.

I move out from behind the bar at the same time that Mills rises from his seat and reaches towards her, "Gabby," he soothes tenderly, "Trust me, that's not true at all."

Her wide intoxicated eyes glare at him, a finger pointing accusingly at him as if she thought he had no idea what she was talking about, "He knows what _he, _Ramsey," she hisses his name with malice and disgust, "did to me. And he can't stand the thought of touching someone so damn damaged!"

Dawson quickly turns, overwhelmed with what just happened, and rushes out through the door, swinging the door out with brute force.

We stood there, staring at each other.

Look, we knew something must have happened up there in the cabin that we hadn't been told about, but not..._that..._ it couldn't have been that. Could it?

A second later Mills rushes out after her.

Brett's sobbing.

A few moments later Mills returns, his face etched with sadness and epic concern, "She's gone; must have gotten in a cab."

I felt my eyes burning with bitter tears.

* * *

Seconds later Casey rushes in with Severide hot on his heels, "Where is she?" He demands roughly, his eyes darting around the bar in search for her.

Otis exhales with a rare nervous disposition about him, "She just ran out... Casey she's really upset."

His face falls; his entire aura seems to deflate at Otis' words, "What happened?" Casey asked with a tentative tone.

The words were like bleach on my tongue, they burnt and stung at the mere thought of saying them, "...Casey what did Ramsey do to her? At the cabin?"

Instantly Casey knows what's going on. His eyes flicker from each one of us, finding all our eyes burning with the same question, "What did she say?"

Mills swallows looking away from Brett who he had one arm around, "She said that _you _knew what Ramsey did to her and that you can't stand to touch someone so damaged."

Severide's eyes watch Casey with concern and sincere sadness as Casey rubs his face with his hands, "...He didn't hurt her like that - he... tried, but she got away... He videoed it, we saw it."

"Oh god," Cruz muttered with a distressed tone as he ran his hand along his head, Newhouse reaching up to rest a hand on his shoulder. There were tears in Mouch's eyes.

"Casey you're gonna have to find her," I say as I turn to him and Severide, "She's pretty drunk and upset... and god I just don't want her to do anything stupid... She got into a cab about ten minutes ago, no idea where she went."

Casey sends Severide a knowing look, to which the Squad Lieutenant nods at, "I'll call Antonio."

Casey's arms then wrapped around me and I reciprocated the action, "Thanks Herrmann, we'll find her. Just call me if she comes back here."

I nod to him as he and Severide make their way out of Molly's, "You got it. Call when you've found her."

Casey sends me a look of agreement just before he disappears out of sight.

"Next round is on the house," I mutter to the guys as I begin to pour around round, knowing that the next hour or so of waiting would be an extremely painful one at that.

* * *

**_Erin Lindsay_**

It was still quite cold out, especially since Hank and I were walking around Navy Pier, the sea breeze not helping the temperature favourably. I had my hand linked into Hank's arm as we walked around, having no real destination, just catching up.

"You know," I murmur, breaking the comfortable silence we had slipped into, "I haven't really been here off duty in years. Usually I'm chasing some deadbeat along the waterfront," I chuckle lightly, turning my head just in time to see Hank crack a smile.

"No deadbeat's around now," Hank comments, gesturing to the bare avenue as we walked along it.

"Good," I huff, "It's our day off."

We fall into a comfortable silence once more, walking past another seven benches before I speak again, "Has Antonio said anything to you about how Gabby's doing? Jay asked him about her yesterday and he didn't really say much."

He sighs slightly, "I spoke to him a few days ago when we found out that the bastard," _Ramsey, _"was pleading guilty to all charges. He was happy that she didn't have to go through a trial."

Gabby had gone through enough without the trauma of a trial on top of everything else she was currently dealing with, "But did he say anything about her particularly?"

Hank looks me straight in the eye, "Gabriela isn't talking to anyone about what happened - she'd rather go on as normal. Antonio's worried about her; it's why he's not saying much."

"Is he thinking of-" I begin to say before Hank cuts me off, pointing to a bench a few metres away, "Erin," he murmurs.

My eyes search through the darkened night before they land on a figure sitting on the bench, lips to a bottle of what looked like either vodka or tequila.

Hank and I make our way quickly over to them, Hank standing to the side of the wooden bench and I placing myself on the edge of it, "Hey Gabby..." I say gently, met with a snort from the woman herself.

She turns her drunken head, glazed eyes flickering from Hank to me before they roll with annoyance, "God, did Antonio send you? Find his poor sister Gabriela..."

I shake my head, quickly understanding the vulnerable place she was in right now, "Nope, we were just out for a walk. What are you doing here alone, drinking vodka?"

Gabby raises a brow at me, daring me to challenge her further about the vodka, "It's quiet out here, or at least it was," she answers sharply.

_Pushing people away. _

"How much have you drunk Gabriela?" Hank questions with a neutral tone, hoping to get across to Gabby that we weren't judging her.

She snorts with indignation, "Not enough that's for sure," Gabby says bitterly before taking a big gulp of vodka as if to prove a point.

When I turned to Hank to tell him to text Antonio or someone, he was already on his phone.

I turned back to Gabby, watched her watching me intently, "What made you come out here Gabby?"

She shrugs away from me, finding the sticker on the bottle of vodka now extremely interesting as she picked at the corner with her nail, "Don't know," she mutters, "I was upset."

"Are you still upset?"

Gabby shakes her head and swallows thickly; I could tell she was biting her tongue, biting back whatever was going through her head, "Not right now, no."

"Then what are you feeling?"

She jumps off the bench, bottle still in hand, now pacing the sidewalk from the bench to the rail and back again. The vodka sloshes around the bottle; Gabby takes another gulp.

"I don't know Erin."

"You do, something's making you act this way right now, something's clicked tonight," I tell her as I study Gabby's movements and expression, her brows burrowed tightly and her jaw tight and her free fist clenched, "You're angry."

Gabby's exhales almost breathlessly as if I was getting to her, "No, I'm not," she answers stiffly, as if she was trying to convince herself as well as me.

"Gabby, you're angry."

She stops mid pace and turns swiftly to face Hank and I, her eyes blazing and her body shaking as Gabby screams with a raging and distraught cry, "You're goddamn right I'm angry!"


	20. It's okay

**Hey guys!**

**Whoa, chapter 20 and 271 AMAZING reviews! As always thank you all so much. You guys are great!**

**So this is the chapter you've all been waiting for. Gabby's explodes. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I won't promise it'll be all sunshine and roses (see what I did there) from here on out, but I'm saying that Gabby will be making progress. God she deserves it. **

**Again, thanks a million!**

**Enjoy!**

**Love Hannah**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Voight_**

Gabriela halts immediately, swiftly spinning on her heels to answer Erin face to face and with a raw and pained voice she screams, "You're goddamn right I'm angry!"

We watch her take another swig of vodka, "And it's okay for you to be angry Gabby."

She rolls her eyes and approaches the edge of the pier with one hand on the railing and the other still clutching the bottle, "Oh don't try that shitty therapist talk on me Erin. I know it's fucking okay to be angry. That fucking bastard has ruined my life. He's ruined everything."

Her words were bitter, hurt, disgusted. It wasn't lost on me that Antonio's little sister really felt the way she'd said.

"Gabby," Erin sighs, moving over to her, "it may not seem like it now but your life is full with people who love you and people who are your family."

"No Erin no," Gabriela argues sharply, before her voice takes a quieter, more vulnerable tone, "everything has changed..."

Erin heads tilts a little, as if she was trying to gage what Gabriela had meant by her words. Unable to come to a conclusion, she asks, "What made you upset? Why'd you come here?"

Angry tears begin to slip down Gabriela's tan cheeks. She tries to form a sentence out of whatever she's thinking inside her head, but every time her mouth moves to talk no words fall on our ears. After a few moments of struggling, Gabriela huffs with frustration, "What would you know about it anyway Erin? You're beautiful. No man could keep his hands off you."

Through the drunken heatedness of her words, I'd somewhat understood what she was saying. I had an idea of what had triggered this tonight, but from the looks of Erin she did not. Thinking enough was enough I walked to Gabriela's side, nodded for Erin to move away. Begrudgingly she does, turning to find a seat on the bench once more.

Gabriela studies me curiously and doesn't look quite as surprised as I'd expected when I removed the vodka bottle from her hand, "I think that's enough alcohol for now," I say quietly.

Gabriela nods, even with a small smile on her lips, "It wasn't helping that much anyway."

She watches the water for the longest time without ever saying another word. Tears slowly slip from the brown eyes she shared with her brother down her cheeks, but not once do her eyes flicker from the rippling black water, not for a moment. Eventually I find myself staring out too, until I think it's best to get Gabriela talking once more, "You're life is not ruined Gabriela."

She swallows, the action thick and harsh. Gabriela purses her lips, tries to force away more tears that were tittering on the edge of her eyelids, "But everything's changed, and I hate it. I hate that I don't get my normal life anymore. I hate that Antonio treats me like a fragile child again. I hate that Kelly is scared to talk to me because he's afraid he'll upset me in some way. I hate knowing that the moment I walk into 51 the guys won't tease me or laugh at me because they'll be too caught up in what happened and what they saw... Most of all Voight I hate that Matt's changed himself around me. He's changed us. He's so goddamn scared of hurting me... I could live with it; I could live with Antonio, Kelly, the guys, I could live with it all if it meant that Matt never changed us, but he did."

"That's not his fault Gabriela. He's worried about you."

Gabriela gasps roughly, "God, I know it's not his fault. It's no one's fault but that fucking bastard... But I can't change what he did Voight. I just thought that I'd be able to change the consequences... Before I left the house tonight, the _reason _I left tonight..." Her breath catches.

She looks at me, almost bashfully, before biting her lip and focusing her eyes on the water once more, "You'd have thought we'd had an argument or something with the way I've acted... I just thought that if just one thing between us hadn't changed then we'd be okay..."

After struggling with her words again Gabriela eventually gives up and sighs, "Look, I'm gonna be blunt Voight," she quips, still completely drunk, "I tried to have sex with Matt."

Suspicions confirmed.

"And it was working," Gabriela explained, "Until he froze and stopped and I knew instantly what was going on in his head. That's the fucking pain in the ass see, when you know someone better than you know yourself... I knew what he was thinking. He was disgusted by the thought of it."

I reach over and place my hand over hers. Her skin was freezing, and I figured that she needed some comfort, "You know that's not true Gabriela."

Her head snaps around to face me, "Do I?" Gabriela accused roughly, "You saw the video Voight. You saw what he did. Put yourself in his shoes, could you touch me?"

Gabriela was becoming more riled up by the moment and with more anger, came more unpredictability.

I put my hands on her arms, force her to focus on me and my words, "Gabriela, the reason why Casey did what he did was not because of what he was feeling, it was because of what _you're_ feeling."

She rips herself from my arms, falls back with shock and distress written across her face, "So, what? It's me? It's my fault that this is happening?" Gabriela screeches hoarsely, running her hands desperately through her hair.

I move over to her again, trying to calm her flailing body as she shifts around erratically, "No Gabriela, no. This isn't your fault. Casey is worried about you, that's why he reacted in the way he did. It's normal; your reaction is normal."

"Don't tell me what is normal, nothing about this is normal!" Gabriela cries helplessly, her eyes expressing how lost she felt. I wrap my arms around her, wade through the fight she put up which almost instantly weakened until she collapsed into my chest, crying and exhausted.

"It's okay kid, everything's gonna be okay," I tell her quietly, holding on to her fragile and vulnerable body because I was worried that her legs would buckle beneath her, "You're okay kid, you'll see."

Instinctively I look up after sensing the presence of Antonio. He was standing with Casey and Severide; all watching Gabriela in my arms with heartbroken looks in their eyes.

"Gabby..." Casey murmurs, tentatively stepping towards us. I feel Gabriela freeze and turn her head slightly to see Casey approaching her.

She shakes her head, "Matt, no..." Gabriela croaked, but this didn't stop him. He steps forward again, places his hand on her arm, "I'm not going anywhere."

Before I knew it Gabriela was in Casey's arms, crying into the crook of his neck. He held on to her tighter than she held on to him, as if he was reassuring her that he wasn't leaving. Over her shoulder Casey's eyes meet mine.

He mouths, "_Thank you."_

* * *

**_Casey_**

"You can stay if you want Antonio," I say quietly as we get inside our apartment. I was carrying a sleeping Gabby in my arms, feeling her tight grip of her hand on my shirt.

"Would you mind?" He asks, never taking his eyes off his sister. We'd all had a scare tonight and I knew he wanted to be as close to his sister as he could right now.

Kelly clasps Antonio on the shoulder, "It's fine man. I've got one of those airbeds I use for camping - you can put it down on the rug by the sofa," Kelly assures him, before retreating to the closet where I knew he stored his airbed.

"Thanks Matt, I really appreciate it," Antonio sighs before setting himself down on the sofa, rubbing his tired and worried face.

I motion my head to Gabby, "I'm gonna take her to bed."

Antonio nods just as Kelly returns with the blow up bed, so I move towards the bedroom knowing that Antonio wasn't alone right now. I kick the door almost closed with my foot, laying Gabby down on our bed before turning on a dim lamp in the corner of the room. I then sit down beside her body, brush a few tendrils of hair out of her puffy and red face, appreciating that tonight Erin and Voight had found her and she was still here.

I reach down and begin to unzip her boots, noticing her stir slightly when the heavy boots left her feet. Her eyes flutter open, adjusting to our dim bedroom as she watches me, murmuring, "Hi..."

I take her hand in mine, a little concerned with how cold she still was, "Hey baby..."

Even in the low light I could tell her eyes were teary and apologetic, "I'm sorry," she whispers delicately.

Shaking my head I lean down and place a kiss to her lips, "You've nothing to be sorry for. You're hurting and this entire thing is confusing and hard... I didn't handle earlier in the best way possible, and for that I'm sorry."

Gabby's hand cups my cheek, "I don't want you to be sorry either... This entire thing is hard for both of us."

"I didn't think you were ready," I say honestly, kissing the back of her hand as I brought it to my lips.

She smiles understandingly, "I don't know if I am."

"I'll be here when you are."

"I know… you're always here for me."

I help her sit up on the edge of the bed; after all she was still very drunk, and I take off her jeans. She looks down at me and starts to weakly protest, "Matt I can..."

"I know you can do this by yourself but please let me help you Gabby," I counter, to which she nods and smiles.

I strip off her jeans, nothing sexual or suggestive about my touches, just me caring for my beautiful and upset fiancée in the way that I should. After removing her jacket, shirt and bra, I helped Gabby change into one of my old CFD shirts.

She slips under the covers then and I pull them up to her shoulders, trying to warm her as much as possible. I kiss her head, "I'll be right back," to which she hums lightly in response.

I walk out into the living room and head to the door to check that Kelly did indeed lock it as we came in; he had. When I turn around Antonio's looking at me as Kelly walks in with spare pillows and blankets, "I heard her talking, is she okay?" Antonio questions.

"She's still pretty drunk but I think she's coming around. I think tonight is a crossroad."

Antonio looked relieved. So did Kelly.

"Who knew Voight was the consoling and sensitive type huh?" Kelly jokes lightly, making Antonio and I crack a smile.

I wave 'goodnight' to them and return to the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I was surprised to see Gabby still awake, watching me with the covers tucked under her chin.

I strip down to my boxers and move towards my side of the bed, listening to Gabby giggle, "Whoa handsome I'm taken."

Climbing in beside her and tucking the covers around myself, I answer, "Oh yeah? Who's the lucky guy?" as I throw my arm across Gabby's waist.

She smiles softly, "This really amazing guy I know, who's been there for me too many times to count."

"It's because I love you… And no matter what I won't let this break us Gabby, because we can get through this."

"I know," she whispers in reply, curling into my chest and finding herself comfortable before she slips into a deep sleep.

I kiss her head, and as I fall into sleep myself my last thought is that I know that whatever happened tonight, however scared I was tonight was the beginning of the end of this Ramsey saga and Gabby was finally on her way back to herself.


	21. Forward

**Hey guys!**

**I've been away at a summer school and didn't have much time to write so this chapter was put together slowly over a week or so. I'm very sorry that you had to wait so long.**

**As always, thank you all for your incredibly kind reviews! The feedback I get is absolutely wonderful and I can't thank every one of you enough.**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter – it's much lighter than the rest!**

**Love you all, Hannah.**

**xoxoxo**

* * *

**_Antonio_**

I woke to the expected sounds of my sister throwing up the vodka she'd downed last night.

Shifting my body off the airbed courtesy of Severide - which was much more comfy than I'd been expecting - I followed the retching sounds to the one of two bathrooms in the apartment.

I wasn't feeling as drained as I had anticipated; I'd slept well, better than I had in weeks, which allured me to the idea that what Matt had said last night '_I think tonight is a crossroad' _was correct in the aspect that Gabby was heading forward, and not back.

The scene I found in the bathroom reminded me of a younger Gabby, just out of her teens, after a night of drunk partying who I'd find lurched over a toilet bowl the next morning. She was dressed in what I presumed to be one of Matt's CFD shirts and from what I could see, looked like hell, but it was how she was _feeling _that I was concerned with.

"Let me get that," I gruff with a voice still thick with sleep, as I crouch down beside Gabby and hold back her hair for her, as she had been weakly trying to do it.

My sister groans miserably, "Sorry I woke you..." she manages before another wave of sickness takes over.

"It's like you're 21 again," I joke lightly, feeling her relax just a little under the hand that I'd placed comfortingly on her back.

"Watch it," Gabby grumbles.

"Okay...Okay," I sooth quietly as she rides out another wave of vodka induced vomit, rubbing circles in her back until she calmed.

She makes a few noises of despair before murmuring, "I think that's it." I help her off the floor and she sits on the toilet lid as she closes it and flushes, looking a little clammy and pale.

I run her wash cloth under the cool water as Gabby rinses out her mouth and once she's done I press the cloth against her sweaty face, listening as she sighs with content, "Thank you."

"How are you feeling?"

She scoffs lightly, "Better now than I was fifteen minutes ago; I didn't think I had drunk enough to warrant that kind of puking."

I brush a few curls away from her face, "You drank a lot Gabby."

Her big brown eyes connect with mine, telling me she understood, "I know," she whispers gently, "I know I lost it."

"Matt told me what happened," I say as I sit down, leaning against the bath tub as she looks down at me from the toilet seat, "Gabby you know he-"

"Antonio," Gabby smiles slightly, interrupting me, "What happened with Matt and me may have started it, but it didn't end it... It was an accumulation of everything, which included what I thought was Matt not wanting to touch me but wasn't limited to just that. It was me lashing out at what Ramsey did, rather than dealing with it."

The fact that Gabby could acknowledge that she hadn't been dealing with what had happened to her was a big step, and both she and I knew it.

"You know nobody expects miracles from you Gabby; it's not easy going through what happened to you, but we love you and we're all here for you, and we just want you to feel happy and comfortable again... But you've got to start letting people help you sis, whether it's me, or Matt, or Severide or even someone else completely, you don't have to deal with this alone."

Gabby nods and slides off the toilet seat, wearily sliding over to me and putting her arms around my neck in a hug, "I know I'm not alone," she whispers into my ear.

After a few moments she makes herself comfortable beside me, just holding onto my hand tightly. Then she sighs softly and says, "I'm not saying it'll be perfect from here on out Antonio, but I'm really going to try. I'll do whatever I have to. I'll talk to you; I'll talk to Matt... I was thinking of talking to the Chaplain too... I don't ever want to feel like I did last night again."

I lift her hand to my lips and press a kiss on the back of her hand, "There's my little sis."

A few tears slip down her face as she croaks, "I'm really sorry for all the shit I've put you through lately Antonio; I've been really hellish and awkward to deal with."

"Hey, hey," I murmur as I wipe the tears from her eyes, "I don't wanna hear 'sorry' okay? You've done nothing wrong; you've nothing to be sorry for. I'm your big brother and I'm supposed to be here, no matter how good or how bad things are. You hear me?"

Gabby nods and leans her face into my shoulder, using my shirt to wipe her eyes like she used to do when she was little as I comforted her.

A consoling silence echoes between us for a long time, until finally Gabby says softly, "Can I tell you what I was thinking when I woke up?"

I reassure her with an easy smile, "Sure thing."

"It was slightly strange," Gabby starts after clearing her throat, "when I woke up this morning, I didn't feel angry, or upset or disgusted like I have been feeling, I just felt calm. For a moment my head was clear - I wasn't thinking about what had happened - not because I was ignoring it or pretending like it never happened, but because I realised that I had to deal with it, and last night was part of that. I realised that in time we can all move on from this, and we can finally get back to our lives. Ramsey hasn't infected my life in the way I thought he had, in the way of taking my life away and crushing everything I love; I still have my life and I still have what I love, and who and what I love still love me. That's what I was afraid of, that you guys wouldn't love me, but you do, because he can't take that away from us and looking back on it now, with a clear head, it was a silly fear to have in the first place."

I put my arm around Gabby's shoulders, pull her to my chest and kiss her forehead, "You've no idea how great it is to hear you say that sis, really."

* * *

I held Gabby in my arms for the longest time, soothing her gently with words I hadn't even known I was uttering, just to comfort and assure her that she was taking the right steps forward.

Eventually we pull each other off the rather uncomfortable tile floor and I leave Gabby alone in the bathroom so she can freshen up.

It was near enough 9am when I left the bathroom and by this time both Matt and Severide were awake. Severide was lounging on the sofa and Matt was standing in the kitchen, holding a cup of coffee to his chest. I head over to him and pour myself some caffeine too.

Matt didn't need to utter a word because I could tell exactly what he wanted to ask with the look he was sending my way, "She's okay, just throwing up what she drunk last night."

"I slept right through it, didn't even hear her get out of bed," Matt mutters before lifting his mug to his mouth.

"Hey, you've had a rough time too; you probably needed the sleep Matt..." I reassure him, knowing that he felt bound to help Gabby every time she needed it, but he had to know that he wasn't alone in helping her.

"Yeah," Matt sighs begrudgingly as he kneads the back of his neck, "...we heard you guys talking; what did she say?"

I loosen my arms from across my chest and lean against the cabinet casually, hoping that my body language along with my words would reassure him, "Gabby said that she's realised that she has to deal with what happened and allow people to help her. She even suggested going to speak to the Chaplain. This is a step in the right direction Matt."

"You think so?" He asks with a sliver of scepticism in his voice, "You think she's ready to deal with this?"

Severide's voice appears out of nowhere and answers his question for me, "Hey Matt, have a little faith okay?" He says as he steps into the kitchen, "Gabs knows she can't keep herself tied up in this forever; she's gonna be okay."

"Am I interrupting a mothers meeting or something?"

Gabby's voice, slightly croaky from throwing up, echoed through the kitchen with a playful tone as she teased us for 'gossiping.'

"Hey, we know you're a bigger gossip than the three of us combined," Severide jokes back as I notice Matt watching her with careful scrutiny to see for himself, that there really was something different about Gabby; that she really was heading forwards.

She holds up her hands in mock defence, "I plead the fifth."

I look up at the clock in the kitchen and notice that I've got an hour until I have to be at work, "Okay, I'm gonna have to get going or Voight will kick my ass for being late… I'll stop by later?"

Gabby smiles, "As long as you bring pizza."

* * *

**_Casey_**

Antonio leaves shortly after that and then Kelly makes a comment about needing to shower before shift, so he wanders off to the bathroom leaving Gabby and me alone in the kitchen. I can feel her infinite brown eyes watching me almost curiously, "Hey, I'm not gonna go crazy again…" Gabby says quietly, with a light and comforting voice.

"You're not crazy," I answer as I move towards her and take her warm body into my arms, feeling her slight hands curl around my back.

"I can't apologise to you enough over last night Matt; I'm so sorry. I freaked out massively over something that I shouldn't of and god I just-" Gabby rambles sincerely until I cut her off by cupping her cheeks with my hands, lifting her head slightly so she could look me in the eyes.

"It's okay," I whisper, "It's going to be okay, I promise you… I just need you to talk to me more, to talk to anyone; we want to help you baby."

"Ssh," she smiles softly, wiping my suddenly teary eyes, "I know you do… that's why I'm gonna _really _try. I want to go talk to the Chaplain and I need to start engaging with the guys more; I need to get back to normal, but I need to deal with what happened first – you all can help me with that."

"That's all we've ever wanted to do," I murmur before kissing her forehead, feeling her hot breath against the skin of my neck.

"I know – you've always been here for me," Gabby answers with a delicate whisper as she relaxes into my arms.

"And that's why I have already gotten you some painkillers for the hangover I know you're sporting."

I feel Gabby chuckle lightly as I point to the painkillers and water on the counter, "It's a phenomenal hangover that's for sure," she says as she shuffles to the counter and takes the pills.

I watch her swallow the pills and then begin to make some tea before I say, "I think I'm gonna take a personal day – spend the day here with you."

She turns to face me, "Baby, I really appreciate that I do, but I'm not planning on the spending much of the day here. I have to go see Voight and Erin, and I really need to go see everyone at 51, and I'm hoping to catch Donna and the baby too… Hey, this isn't me pushing you away," Gabby soothes when she notes my nervousness, "I figured that I just need to jump right in and face everyone."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

Gabby smiles, "I'm sure baby… I'm gonna need you at 51 if things get a bit much for me you know? And I don't want you to keep missing shifts for me."

I nod my head, "As long as you're sure I'm here wherever you need me."

Her smile just widens a little more before she turns back to her tea, "Gabby?"

"Hmm?" She hums in acknowledgement.

"It's great to see you smile again."

* * *

**_Dawson_**

At noon I stood in the Intelligence Unit waiting for my brother and his team to return from wherever they'd been. Platt had kindly allowed me into the unit for wait for them; despite what everyone said she was always lovely to me.

I move towards Antonio desk, find a picture of him, Laura, Eva and Diego sat beside one of me. It hurt to know how much he was still grieving his relationship with Laura, they'd been together since they were fourteen. It was a lifetime of love ending. And I knew what hurt him the most was not seeing the kids everyday like he used to; he missed them and so did I - seeing them every few weekends or so was heart-breaking.

"Gabby, what are you doing here?"

I hadn't noticed Antonio and his team return so his voice startled me slightly, "Jeez Antonio, you could have made some noise or something," I laugh as everyone piles in towards their desks, Voight heading for his office – he passes by me and nods as a greeting.

"Well it's not like I should have been expecting you," he says as he comes to his desk and leans on the edge of it as I was sitting in his chair.

"I needed to get out, start engaging again. Once I'm done here I'm going to 51…"

Antonio sighs, "That's great Gabby but there's no need to push yourself-"

I smile to put him at ease, "I'm not Antonio; I'm just really sick of sitting in that apartment wallowing. I need human contact besides you, Matt and Kelly."

Antonio chuckles, "Well I thought I was great company sis."

I snort, "All you do is talk about guns and sport Antonio, and I for one care for neither."

"We try telling him that Gabs but he never really listens to us," Ruzek chirps us with a teasing tone, his big grin almost filling the room.

I join in with Ruzek, "Yeah, he always thinks he's right that's why."

"Sounds like someone else I know," Antonio scoffs aiming his comment at me. I punch his knee lightly, watching as he rolls his eyes in reaction.

I murmur to Antonio that I had to talk to Voight so I head over to his office, well aware of the inquisitive glances that were directed at me. I knock lightly, seconds later hearing his gruff reply of 'Doors open.'

I slip inside quickly and shut the door behind me. He looks up, not once showing the slightest surprise to see me standing there, as if he was expecting me.

"Hi…" I murmur as he motions for me to sit in the chair before his desk.

He waits patiently as I form what I wanted to say in my head, finally saying, "I uh… I just wanted to say thank you for what you did for me last night. I was a mess and you helped me see sense and you were really what I needed at that moment in time, so thank you."

"You know Gabriela," Voight answers after a few moments, leaning back in his chair, "You've got a lot of people around you that love you… It's good that you're reaching out to those people now. They've got a lot of help to give."

"I've always tried to bury my head in the sand and pretend like everything's okay, I guess I should stop that and actually listen to everyone and accept their help," I reply sincerely, watching as he nods in understanding at my words.

"Getting over this will take time, be it a week, a month, a year even, trust me Gabriela – you'll get there," Voight says genuinely and there was no way I could argue with what he'd said, because I believed him.

"I will Voight, I swear I will."

I give my thanks to Erin also, for helping me and being there last night, and after saying goodbye to Antonio and the others, I leave. I climb into my car and start off into the road, heading to the place I was both anxious and excited to go to, 51.


	22. Ready to deal

**Hey guys!**

**I'm so glad that you guys still love this story just as you did in chapter one! Thank you for all your amazing reviews. **

**So Gabby's on the up – she deserves it. In this chapter we see her finally confront everyone at 51 and in the process of talking to them, she begins to heal.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Love Hannah**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Dawson_**

There have been a handful of walks into 51 that I'd found hard or daunting, the very first shift after Shay's death or the first shift after losing Andy for example, and this walk was one of them.

What some of the guys had seen last night and what the others had no doubt heard of, was behaviour from me that they'd never experienced before. I was a wreck and it was something that must have shocked and upset them. I'd never been so _volatile..._sure they were used to me being hot-headed, stubborn, a little angry sometimes, but never that destructive and never that dangerous.

I'd expected it to be tough and it was.

I hadn't been here in nearly three weeks, yet it felt like a lifetime had passed. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to fit back in to 51.

I pull my coat a little tighter around my body and stuff my hands into my pockets, it wasn't that it was cold, but my body was shaking uncontrollably. _Nobody has seen me yet, still time to run back to my car. _The thought rang throughout my head and I had to force myself to continue walking forwards. I knew that the more I avoided this place the harder it would be to come back.

A familiar bark echoed down the drive and flash of black and white ran towards me. Pouch jumped up onto my legs, her paws pressed against my thighs, barking lightly and whimpering her affections. As I kneeled down she sniffed my jacket and my face, before licking her slobbery wet tongue on my face, "Hey girl, hey! Yes, I've missed you too Pouch," I laugh as I rub her furry back with my hands.

She suddenly bolts back up the drive to collect her favourite tennis ball before rushing back towards me. She drops the ball in front of my hands, whining loudly for me to throw the ball for her. I do and within seconds she's bringing it back to me, barking in delight.

"Ready?" I call teasing her by moving the ball in front of her, watching as her wide eyes follow the ball, "Go get it Pouch!" I yelp, throwing the ball back up the drive again.

She brings it back again, this time not interested in me throwing it again. She barks with overexcitement at seeing me and rolls on her back for me to rub her stomach, "You've missed this huh? I spoil you too much girl."

With Pouch's concentration span poor she quickly rolls herself back onto all fours and circles my legs a few times, encouraging me to start moving. She barks again when I continue towards the firehouse, Pouch quickly falling into step with me.

"Oh so that was the plan was it Pouch? Calm me down before I got inside?" I murmur quietly at her; _well they say that dogs can sense human emotions, _"Good job Pouch."

I paused to rub behind her ear and she snuffed in appreciation before continuing into the garage.

The trucks and rig were parked in their usual spaces but I couldn't hear anyone. Upon further inspection of the garage I couldn't see anyone either, not even a Squad member sat at their table. I checked my watch, 1:15pm; maybe they were tucked into lunch courtesy of Peter Mills.

Entering the breakroom I couldn't find a soul and from the smell in the air, lunch had already been eaten.

"Hmm, smells like Peter Mills made some mac n' cheese Pouch, using _my _recipe too," I chuckle after recognising the familiar smell.

Pouch was sniffing at my feet and trying to make me move down the hall towards the briefing room, no doubt they were having a meeting. When I paused, not wanting to interrupt, Pouch barked loudly a couple of times.

"Ssssh! Pouch, quiet!" I hush at her but with her usual disobedient behaviour she had no regard to listen to me. With playfulness and mischief glinting in her dark eyes Pouch barked some more as if to prove a point.

"Pouch sssh!" I hiss at her but if they hadn't heard her before, they sure had now.

Sure enough the door to the briefing room opens and out steps Chief. He had a soft grin on his face after no doubt hearing my futile attempts to quiet Pouch, "Sorry to interrupt Chief," I mutter bashfully.

Chief waves his hand, "It's nothing important Gabriela. Come on," he encourages lightly, motioning for me to join him and the others.

"Hey Chief," I say as I reach him and give him a hug, "It's good to see you here Gabriela," Chief rumbles back.

He then steps back inside the briefing room and I can already feel the eyes staring in my direction. I take a breath and step into view, suddenly greeted with a dozen pair of eyes looking at me.

"Hey guys," I say, acutely aware of how my voice was barely above a whisper. I search out Matt's eyes and when his blues meet mine I feel them sooth my nerves and anxiety.

"Hey kiddo," it's Herrmann who replies and my eyes dash to his. He's smiling softly, the look in his eye almost tentative due to what he'd seen last night.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, but suddenly babbles of what were supposedly words slipped from my mouth, "I…uh…I…"

"We're all here for you Dawson," Cruz said sincerely, his gentle smile easing my babbling.

My hands were wringing against my stomach as I shuffled my feet inside the room a little more, "Firstly I've gotta thank you guys for everything you have done and will do and for being there for me when I didn't even realise you were… And secondly I've gotta apologise for my behaviour and not making contact with you guys since the hospital…"

"Gabby you don't have to explain anything-" Mills assured honestly, the guys murmuring their agreement.

I shake my head gently, "Nah, you guys deserve an explanation…" I take a deep breath, struggling to put what I wanted to say into words, "I've been in a shitty place without realising I've been in a shitty place. I've tried to pretend that everything's okay and that I want normality, when I've been avoiding even thinking about what happened…" I mutter, bowing my head anxiously, focusing on the wringing of my hands.

"God I'm so sorry for what you guys saw last night – that wasn't fair to you. I was in self-destruct mode and I didn't give a damn-"

Upon seeing me get upset at the thought of how I acted last night, Herrmann quickly rises from his seat and comes over to hug me, "You think we were worried about us? Damn kid we were worried about you. What you went through would cause any of us to act out, don't sweat it."

Through a teary smile I watch as Herrmann sits on top of the table closest to me, "It's okay Gabs."

"At the very least I freaked you guys out, trust me, I freaked myself out…" I sigh shakily before gulping, "I know I said some things that um, made you question what happened maybe?" I offer, unsure of how to word what I wanted to say, but they seemed to understand what I was getting at, "He didn't- Ramsey didn't, you know… that's when I got away… God this is harder than I thought it'd be…"

"Take your time Gabriela," Chief murmurs softly, urging me not to stop because perhaps he knew that I needed this just as much as they did.

"I don't want you guys thinking that he did because I know you've all asked and wondered and worried about what happened up there, and I really appreciate it, but I think it's time to move on…" I smile at them, finally finding my footing, "I think it's time I actually deal with this because I really can't handle another hangover like the one I've got right now, so you know…" I laugh lightly, brushing some hair out of my eyes.

The guys chuckle too and I was glad that I could lighten the mood.

"And I don't think I can do this without you guys-" I start before Mouch quickly cuts me off.

"Not another word, you know we've got your back Dawson."

"Thank you," I whisper trying to control my tears, "Gosh can a girl get a hug around here or what?" I call out then when I'm done with standing up here alone and the moment the words are out of my mouth, everyone jumps up and comes over to hug me.

Herrmann, Brett, Mills, Mouch, Otis, Cruz, Chief, Kelly, Capp, Newhouse and finally Matt. He wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear, "I'm so proud of you baby."

_It felt so good to be home. _

* * *

"Chief, could you maybe give the Chaplain a call for me please? Maybe make an appointment?" I ask him when he calls me into his office after the commotions had died down.

Chief smiles as he eases himself into his seat, "Of course, I'll do that for you Gabriela."

"Thanks Chief, I appreciate it."

"I just have one thing to ask of you Gabriela," Chief explains slowly, crossing his hands over his chest.

"Sure thing Chief," I answer with curiosity written on my face no doubt.

Chief inhales deeply and ponders for a moment before speaking, "You're going to go days, weeks, months even feeling fine and then you're going to have a bad day Gabriela. I just need you to do one thing…"

"Yeah?"

"Let me know."

I smile appreciatively, "I can do that Chief, thank you."

* * *

I was sat between Matt and Kelly at the table in the breakroom when Donna came carrying a baby basket that you attach to car seats. Gosh, I'd completely forgotten about baby Terrence.

"Hey guys, I come baring cookies!" Donna explains merrily, _she looked great considering she'd given birth just over a week ago. _

Mouch quickly takes the cookies from her hand and kisses her cheek, "Donna my darling you look radiant."

She rolls her eyes, "Trust me Randy I feel anything but."

Donna scans the room, presumably looking for the Chief when her eyes set on me, "Gabby, hey! How are you doing?"

I quickly get up and head towards her, accepting her hug, "I'm doing okay… Congratulations! You look great honestly, how is he?" I coo as I look down at the little baby boy sleeping peacefully.

"He sleeps in the day and eats at night, so you can imagine how much sleep I'm getting," Donna chuckles heartily, "Do you want to hold him?"

"Hold him? Sure!"

Donna smiles and begins to unclip Terrence from the carrier, him grumbling a little as she hoists him gently out of the seat. She passes him on to me and settles him into my arms before she steps back, sitting down into a chair for a few moments rest.

"He's beautiful," I murmur quietly as I gaze down at Terrence's little button nose that definitely belonged to his mother and his lips which he definitely got from his dad.

A little sigh of consciousness comes from his mouth as he opens his eyes, "Oh you've definitely got your daddy's eyes huh?"

"Hasn't he…" Donna says contentedly, oh she'd never get tired of those eyes.

"Hi buddy," I say to him as he gazed around curiously, probably wondering who this strange woman was holding him, but he didn't seem to mind. Terrence seemed to like the attention of being held.

I rock him gently, turning on my feet as I place my finger on his palm, smiling as he curled his little fingers around my finger, "Oh I think you've got another member of this house wrapped around your finger Terrence," I hear Chief's voice echo throughout the breakroom.

I look up and he see him standing next to Donna, gazing down adoringly at his son, "He's got your eyes Chief."

Chief only smiles and then Terrence begins to grumble, "Oh I think that means someone's hungry huh?" I murmur as I shuffle over to Donna who was awaiting him.

"Oh yes," she chuckles, "Someone's hungry."

The three of them escape to Boden's office and I resume my seat between Matt and Kelly.

Matt's gazing at me adoringly, just as Chief has gazed at his son and Donna, "What?" I question.

He says nothing but he leans over and presses a kiss to my lips. I can feel him smile against me.

And just like he'd said to me this morning, I murmur to him, "It's great to see you smile again Matt."


	23. Chaplain

**Hey guys! **

**I'm sorry for the delay with this chapter. I've been struggling a lot lately. I've been feeling down and not myself. I'm not in a great place at this moment in time.**

**But I found today after sitting down and making myself write that I felt a little better, so I'm hoping this continues. **

**Thank you, as always, for your amazing support.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Much love, Hannah**

**oxoxoxo**

* * *

_**Dawson**_

When I got home from 51 I took a shower and headed straight for bed. I was exhausted, both physically and mentally. I hadn't realised it to the full degree, but today was a challenge. I noticed that whenever I got a little stressed or anxious, I'd find myself scratching or touching my wrists, feeling the skin that was still rough from those bounds. The bandages were long gone, but the scars not so much. When the damage was being assessed in the hospital, we all knew that my wrists were cut up very badly and even back then I knew that they'd scar however much they faded.

When I ran my finger along the ridge across my wrists, I could still feel the slight bump of the scar. A permanent reminder. A reminder of what? I wasn't entirely sure yet.

I fall asleep quickly after settling in the covers surrounded by Matt's smell that lingered on his pillow and in the sheets. I hugged them to my chest all night.

My sleep was pretty restless; it was one of the first nights since it happened that I'd spent without Matt and I had a few nightmares too. I realised that despite being ready to face my problems and feeling better in myself, there was still a whole lot of things that I had to deal with.

I woke to the sun streaming through the window after forgetting to close the curtains last night. I could tell that there was a chill in the air, but I wasn't affected at all as I was curled into a warm chest.

I smiled against Matt and felt him tighten his arms around me ever so slightly now that I was awake, "Morning," he husked quietly as his lips brushed my forehead.

"Morning," I mumble almost incoherently, my voice still thick with sleep, "Good shift?"

"Yeah, especially since this pretty hot chick turned up in the afternoon. She made my day," Matt teases and I could feel him grin against my forehead.

"Oh really?" I challenge, "sounds like I have some competition then."

"It's not my fault all the ladies want me."

I scoff and punch his chest lightly, "You mister think of yourself too highly."

Matt laughs as he rolls me onto my back so he can hover over me, brushing tendrils of unruly hair out of my face, "How did you sleep baby?"

I thought about lying, and then I realised that I wasn't going to get very far in doing so. I needed to face whatever I was feeling and a part of that was to share it too, "Not great."

His face falls and etches with concern, "Nightmares?"

"Only a few," I whisper.

"Do you wanna talk about them?" Matt asks, knowing that giving me the option to share or the option not too wouldn't pressure me at all.

"It's just me reliving what happened. Over and over. I walk through the dreams and I see myself; I'm not reliving what happened through my eyes, it's as if I'm a separate 'me' walking through what happened."

"Do you think that could mean that you haven't accepted what happened as happening to you?" Matt says slowly, his fingers tracing mindless patterns back and forth my forearm.

"I don't know, maybe… ugh, this is why I'm not a shrink," I mutter as I run my hand through his hair.

Matt smiles comfortingly, "Boden made an appointment with the Chaplain for you, 3:30 this afternoon?"

"That's good with me."

I leave Matt tucked in the covers and head to the bathroom, and when I return he's turned on the tv and propped our pillows up against the headboard. I settle back into his side and Matt pulls the covers around me as he puts his arm over my shoulder, "I couldn't think of anything better than daytime tv," I chuckle sarcastically.

"Hey," Matt scolds, "don't insult my remodelling programmes or I'll kick you out of this bed."

"I wouldn't mind, I bet Kelly's watching something way better."

"Oh is that right?" Matt smirks, tilting my head up with his index finger so his blues are looking directly down at me. He watches me and I see a million emotions and thoughts flicker through his head and he doesn't act on one of them.

"You know you can kiss me right?"

Matt sighs but doesn't say a word so I continue, "I'm not gonna freak out if you touch me Matt, trust me. I don't want you to have to feel like you have to hold back around me because you don't."

And then he responds in the only way I wanted him too; by capturing my lips with his and taking my breath away.

* * *

"You know Chaplain, now that I'm here I haven't a clue what to say," I chuckle almost nervously, as the Chaplain sits in his chair and I sit on the sofa just like all those months ago when I stared and he talked.

He smiles and it's warm and comforting and puts me at ease instantly, "You can say whatever you want to. The first thing that pops into your head if that helps."

The Chaplain knew exactly what had happened to me so that helped a lot with being able to talk about what I wanted at my own speed, "I've been having nightmares and they're weird. You know when people talk about having out-of-body experiences when they're in comas or something? They're kinda like that. It's like a movie playing out in my head, and I'm watching what happened rather than reliving it through my eyes again. Does that make any sense or am I talking nonsense?"

Chaplain nods, "That makes a lot of sense."

"Matt thinks I'm seeing what happened as a movie in my head because I haven't accepted what happened as happening to me."

"And what do you think it means?" Chaplain asks as he rests his intertwined hands over his chest.

I sigh heavily, "I don't know… I mean, Matt could be right, but I thought I've accepted what happened as happening to me considering how it's affected me since."

"And how has it affected you Gabriela?"

It was the most direct question I've faced in a while. I've never been asked to look at myself and see what Ramsey did and how it's affected my life. The typical answer I used to give was 'he's ruined my life'.

"I've been a pretty big mess in all fairness Chaplain… I've pretended that I'm okay when I'm certainly not. I tried to push anyway anyone close to me or anyone that could read me. I thought he'd taken the people I loved away, I thought he'd taken my confidence and who I was and reduced me to this crying babbling mess… A few tequila's and a bottle of vodka later and I realised that he's taken nothing, I've just buried everything."

"I think you keep reliving what happened through your dreams because you're searching for the Gabriela you've buried inside you."

"Chaplain, I used to think of myself as pretty badass. I was never afraid to jump into a situation and tackle it full on because it was who I was. I knew I can handle it; but after what happened, after Ramsey overpowered me so much, I feel like I let him win."

"He only wins if you let him."

"I keep getting told that, but I don't feel like the Gabby I was before this happened."

"Well for the record Gabriela; I still think you're pretty badass."

* * *

_**Casey**_

Gabby headed out for her appointment with the Chaplain at 3pm. Kelly and I had planned to repaint the hallway since the paint was scuffing a little, but we'd soon found ourselves lounging on the sofa watching some old ice-hockey game.

"You know, the hallway can wait until tomorrow," Kelly chuckles as he hands me a beer.

"It looks like it doesn't have a choice."

Twenty minutes into the game and a stream of profanities later from both of us, Kelly turns to me during the break and asks, "So how are you doing Matt?"

"You know it's not me that you have to worry about, I'm okay."

Kelly shakes his head, "I know you're okay Matt but what happened didn't only affect Gabby. It's okay for you to want to talk about it too."

"I was so scared of losing her… even after she got home, up until a few days ago I was still scared that she'd leave," I mutter before taking a swig of beer.

"You know she was just trying to protect you with hiding away, she's not going anywhere Matt," Kelly reassures.

"I know she's ready to deal with happened, but I'm just worried of saying or doing the wrong thing and giving her the wrong impression. I've already done that once, I don't want to do it to her again," I explain to him, referring to what happened which caused Gabby to leave and get out of her mind drunk.

Kelly laughs, "Damn Matt, you're not perfect and no one, not even Gabby, expects you to be. Stop worrying about shit like that. Just deal with things as they come. Gabby knows you didn't intend to hurt her that night and that you had her best interests at heart so stop putting so much pressure on yourself… Let me just get this straight with you, you're a guy. And guys fuck up. It's a universal fact and not even Lt. Matthew Casey is immune."

"You clearly haven't been for years," I smirk back at him.

"Did you just listen to anything I just said?"

I roll my eyes, "Every word Kelly. Really, thanks."

"Good because sometimes it's like talking to a brick wall with you."

"How do you suggest I deal with… you know?" I hoped that he'd understand what I was getting at with the way I was looking at him, but clearly by the dumbfounded look on Kelly's face he hadn't a clue.

He shakes his head, "Man you've lost me."

I grumble to myself, he was so smart but sometimes so fucking stupid too, "Sex Kelly, I'm talking about sex here."

Kelly rolls his eyes, "Well unless you actually say what you're talking about I'm not gonna have the slightest clue am I? I'm not Dr. Xavier Matt."

I shake my head at his X-Men reference but care to ignore him, "I don't know how to… Ugh, I don't even know what I'm talking about myself in all honesty Kelly."

"Look Matt, you know Gabby better than anyone, you're gonna know when the right time is and when she's ready. If you don't know, talk to her about it. That's why there's a ring on her finger."

"I'm just wary of hurting her."

"You're not Ramsey Matt, you know you're gonna take it at Gabby's pace and nothing else. She trusts you, trust yourself."

"You know Herrmann I just couldn't stay away any longer. Brett was telling me how shit your cocktails are. I can't be having shit cocktails in my bar."

Gabby stood behind the bar at Molly's serving drinks to the guys. After texting Herrmann when she got home from her appointment, she'd surprised us in all in wanting to take a shift at Molly's. She told me that she'd missed the place and wanted to get this part of her usual routine back.

Herrmann guffawed at Gabby's statement, "Hey kid I'm a whiskey man at heart - got no time for your fancy cocktails."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "You're a barman Herrmann. If you can't make a good piña colada what use are you?"

Mills laughed, "Ignore him Gabs, he hasn't stopped complaining about missing you here."

She turned to Herrmann and smiled softly, leaning over the bar to kiss his cheek, "I guess we can agree on leaving the fancy cocktails to me yeah?"

Herrmann couldn't help but smile back, "That's fine with me kid."

I watched as Gabby immersed herself in conversation with Brett, Mills, Mouch, Cruz and Otis, all talking about something Cruz had done in one of the shifts Gabby had missed. She laughed and smiled along with them, and seemed truly comfortable behind the bar again.

"How is she doing Casey?" Chief asked quietly as he nursed his beer.

I glanced at Gabby again, saw how her wide smile met her eyes and how her eyes shone and how there was a bounce in her step and how relaxed she was in the way she moved and answered, "She's doing much better Chief… there's a way to go, but she's gonna get there."

"There's such a difference since the other night when she showed up here," Herrmann commented.

Kelly was about to say something, but he didn't get a chance to after he was distracted by Cruz who had yelped, "What? What are you talking about?"

He was aiming his question at Gabby, who stared calmly back at him and answered coolly, "I'm not coming back to 51."


	24. That Was Harsh

**Hey guys! **

**Thank you all for your awesome reviews last chapter! Don't worry, you'll quickly find out Gabby's reasons for wanting to transfer. I hope you enjoy this chapter – I really enjoyed writing it. **

**Love you all, Hannah**

**oxoxo**

* * *

_**Dawson**_

Thinking about it, I really should have picked a better time to tell the guys about me transferring; a better time meaning when they weren't drunk or halfway there at least.

"What? What are you talking about?" Cruz yelped with disbelief and shock, staring up at me with wide eyes that the others all mimicked.

"I'm not coming back to 51," I explain calmly, hoping to show through my calm demeanour that this was a well thought out decision.

"What do you mean you're not coming back to 51? 51 is where you belong!" Mills cried at me and I could feel a dozen or so pairs of eyes all trained on me.

I swallow thickly, "I know 51 will always be my home but this is something-"

"No!" Mills interrupted, "this is what happened talking. This isn't what you want Gabby. You know you can take all the time you need before coming back."

"Think about this Gabs, this isn't you talking," Mouch adds and I have to try to control my emotions; I knew they'd react like this.

"I've been thinking about this for a while Mouch."

Matt's eyes flickered and mine snapped to his instantly. He was staring at me, confused, worried, almost scared. I smile to reassure him, to reassure them.

"You guys saw what it did to us," I murmur quietly whilst staring at Matt and sure enough they all understood what I was saying, "And I can't risk losing him. A few weeks ago I could have died and what would've been the last thing he remembered of us? It made me realise how stupid we'd been. Look, this is hard okay?" I laugh through my tears, raising my hand to wipe away the tears falling down my face, "You're my family and 51 has been my only home for all these years. I'm gonna miss you guys like crazy; walking onto a shift and not having to listen to Otis and Cruz argue over some dumb TV show is gonna hurt like hell. Not hearing Mouch complain about Herrmann taking his spot and not hearing about how Brett almost drove off without Mills in the ambo… It's gonna be hard. I'm sorry but this something I have to do."

I take a few deep breaths and try to compose myself, but staring at their teary faces didn't help at all, "I didn't want to tell you like this, but there didn't seem like there'd ever be a right time."

They're all looking at me and no one says a word. Some teary faces, some sad, some stoic. I try to swallow the lump in my throat as I turn my head to Matt, his face in unreadable but his eyes… they were shocked, hurt, worried, angry even.

I tried to say something to him, but Kelly's words caught me off guard. My head snapped around to look at him and his eyes held understanding; _he knew why I had to do this, _"Fifty-one will always be your home Gabs, no matter what. We're gonna miss you."

He leans over the bar, pulls me close without me even realising it, "Thank you Kelly," I whisper into his shoulder unable to stop the tears that slipped down my face.

Kelly sets himself back down onto his stool, clasps his hand on Matt's shoulder – he looked like he needed it. Herrmann's voice rasped, "We're proud of you whatever you decide kid, you know that."

Chief added, "You're family Gabriela and any firehouse in this city would be blessed to have you. We are lucky to have had you for seven years."

"Thank you," I murmur, "but I won't be going far. And you'll see me all the time. You'll probably be sick of the sight of me," I chuckle a little, trying to ease the tense atmosphere.

"That's for sure," Cruz teased, the tension easing from his face as I reassured them.

Otis slips behind the bar with me, "I guess this calls for a celebration!"

As the guys cheer and Otis begins pouring everyone a drink of his choice I exit the bar and stride up to Matt. I take his hand and pull him into the corner of the bar. We stop and Matt never takes his eyes off me but he doesn't say a word.

Blues against browns I whisper, "Say something, please."

He exhales and whatever flashes in his eyes is too quick for me to make out, "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

I run my tongue along my lips, "There never was a '_right'_ time I guess and I've been toing and froing about it for a while. I haven't long decided."

"Is this what you want? Are you sure this isn't what happened talking?"

I nod, "This is what I want. It was hard to come to the decision, but then it wasn't…"

Matt's face screws up in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I was losing you," I murmur whilst gazing up at him, "We were losing this. And I can't lose you. I can't risk us anymore. You're too important and I love you too much to even think about not having you in my life."

I was stoic. I'd just put everything I had to offer on a plate and in the few seconds it took for Matt to answer, my heart raced and my body ached, "I love you too. If you're happy, I'm happy."

"Really?" I answer, a little dumbfounded.

He smiles and pulls me close, his hands on my waist and my hands slip around his neck. He leans into me and against my lips he says, "Really," before his lips take mine, sending shivers down my spine.

Matt always touches me in a way that made my knees weak and now was no exception. Our lips moved in this little dance that we'd perfected and I've never felt more at home than I have in his arms.

"Oi loverbirds! Get over here so we can toast Dawson!" Kelly yelps, shocking us so that we jump apart. My head whips around and sees his smirking face, smug at having scared the living hell out of me.

I glare at him, "Oh Kelly Severide you'll pay for that one," I hiss as Matt and I make our way over to them, hand in hand.

* * *

_**Severide**_

Since Matt was out at a construction job and Gabby, amid her claims that she was here to keep me company, had fell asleep on the sofa, I thought I'd try my hand at one of Dawson's recipes.

It was going well until the sauce decided to spit on my hand as I stirred it, leaving an angry red mark on my hand. I ploughed on nevertheless and once I was satisfied the meal was cooked, I left it on the slow burner to stay hot until Matt came home.

I took out a beer from the fridge and popped the cap whilst listening to the sports highlights on the radio. I was listening to the hockey scores when I heard a sort of whimpering. I turned off the radio and rounded the kitchen, seeing Gabby lay on the sofa with a twisted look on her sleeping face.

"No, no, stop," she mumbled and then I realised what was happening and rushed over to her.

I kneeled beside the sofa and lay my hands on her arms, "Gabby, Gabs," I called softly, trying to wake her as gently as possible.

Her eyes flashed open and she was a little disorientated, "Hey, it's Kelly. It's just a dream Gabs, it's just a dream."

She quickly settled once she focused on me, "You're safe okay?" I encouraged and watched as the stress eased in her expression when she realised it was just a dream.

"Yeah," Gabby breathed as she sat up, my hands still on her arms, "I'm okay," she muttered as I let her go and sat down beside her.

"You wanna talk about it?" I ask after she's calmed herself down.

She sighs, lifts one hand to rub her forehead, "It's the same old stuff really, but they're starting to become less and less frequent."

"Is it always Ramsey?"

Gabby nods, "Yeah, I just relive it."

"Is it getting easier?"

She turns to me, rests her hand on my knee and smiles a genuine smile, "Every day."

Moments of contented silence pass by until Gabby says, "Am I doing the right thing?"

I pretty much knew what she was asking, but just to clarify I said, "By leaving 51?"

She nods.

I sigh, "I guess there's no right or wrong Gabs. You have you're reasons and from where I'm sitting, they're pretty strong reasons. I saw more than most what the 'Lt-Candidate' thing did to you and after everything you've both been through I'd hate to see that to be the thing that ruins you."

"Then why do I feel like Matt has his hesitations?" Gabby questions, her brow furrowing, "He hated the situation more than me, but when I told you guys at Molly's yesterday he seemed…_off_."

I'd noticed that ever since yesterday evening Gabby had been questioning whether she was doing the right in leaving 51. Her brain was in a constant battle with herself, weighing up the pros and the cons. Since she'd felt Matt's hesitation, she was questioning herself and analysing the situation even more.

"Gabs," _how do I put this? _"When Ramsey had you, your brother traced your movements once you left here. When we found out that you'd gone to the academy to get transfer papers and the note Ramsey left us was written on them, Matt… He was scared that you were leaving him and _that _was why you went for transfer papers. That could be a part of it and he's probably wondering if this is you or what happened talking."

Gabby's face fell and she stared at her fiddling hands rather than me, "I was never leaving him… God how could he think that?"

I move closer to her and put my arm around her shoulders, "Hey, you'd both been through a few rough months and perhaps he thought you'd had enough. I knew you were never leaving him and I made sure he knew it too. Gabs, he's just worried. You know he's a worrier, it's just in his nature."

Gabby chuckles, this she knew for sure, "I was trying to fix things between us since I'd brought it upon us, really. I thought he'd be happy with the pressure gone so I could marry him already."

"I don't think the poor guy has had a chance to think about that in a while… perhaps you should talk to him about it."

* * *

_**Dawson**_

I had no idea how I had ended up in Matt's office participating in a screaming match with him, but I certainly was and he was certainly yelling back.

"What the hell is going on with you?!" I yell at him, my hands waving furiously. He'd been acting weird all day with me and when I got to 51 to finalise my transfer I could tell that he was off with me, and talking sharp as if he was frustrated.

Matt's eyes widen, perhaps shocked that I'd drawn him up on this, but after all it was the reason why I was so damn annoyed. He answers loudly, "There's nothing going on!"

I scoff, "Well there sure is Matt," I slap my hands against my thighs; "Ever since I said that I'm transferring you've been acting strange! What's going on?"

I knew I was right on the money when it came to him acting strange because of my transfer, but I hadn't the slightest clue as to why he was so upset over it. Matt's mouth bobbed once, but he didn't answer and I felt hurt and angry and upset all at once. My hand clenched with anger. My throat clenched with upset. My heart clenched with hurt.

I try to swallow the lump in my throat but the effort was fruitless, "Do you not want this?" I stammer, _could this be what this is? _The realisation shook my bones and twisted my stomach.

"What?" Matt questions, dumbfounded.

"Us?" I accuse, waving my hand angrily at him again, "Is this what this is about? Do you not want me anymore?" My voice became louder and louder as I spoke, a way of protecting myself.

Hurt clawed around Matt like an old itchy blanket. I watched his eyes darken, his posture fall, could almost hear his heart break… but I was too confused, too upset and too angry to care.

"No, god no Gabby-" Matt assures moving towards me but I shrug him off, tears that I had been trying to ward off streaming down my face.

"Because if I leave I can marry you, but the way you've been acting tells me you want anything but that!" I yell, struggling to force my words out, "A year ago I told you that we meant everything and that this was just a job! The job came between us and we weren't _us_ anymore! And now I'm trying to fix it you're mad with me?!" I had no clue what he was thinking, but this is how Matt came across and I yelled it at him.

Breathless and unable to yell any longer I murmur tearfully, "We almost lost this! Do you think I want to risk us again?"

The question hangs in the air like death.

I lunge for the door and before slipping out and away from him and away from this situation, I say the first thing that comes to my lips, "I'm leaving 51 Matt and perhaps it is best I do anyway."

* * *

I end up at Antonio's with a duffle-bag and a blotchy puffy face and in need of a hug from my big brother.

He opens the door and upon seeing the state of me Antonio immediately pulls me into a tight hug, "Oh sis," he murmurs into my hair and pulls me inside.

Antonio sits me down on the sofa and puts his arm around me and lets me cry it out onto his shoulder. He strokes my hair and mutters reassurances into my ear that I don't really hear but feel comforted by their tone, and after a while I blubber, "Can I stay the night?"

"Of course Gabs," he answers quietly before kissing my forehead, "What happened between you and Matt?"

"God I don't even know," I whimper pathetically, "I basically asked him what his problem was but I was yelling."

"What do mean 'his problem'?"

Whilst sniffling and wiping away my tears I answer, "Ever since I told everyone that I'm transferring he's been acting strange with me and I confronted him about it."

Antonio sighs, "Any reason why he's acting weird?"

I shrug, "I couldn't get an answer out of him… I asked him did he not want me anymore. I mean, I'm trying to fix the problems we had before Ramsey but what if he doesn't want me to leave because once I return to work the tension will be there again? What if he wants us to _not _work? What if he wants us to break up?"

"Gabs-" Antonio uttered but I knew exactly what he was going to say so I shot him down.

"No Antonio, don't give me the 'he loves you and he doesn't want that' bullshit because it sure as hell doesn't feel like that right now," I almost hiss and I wanted to slap myself for taking my anger out on my brother.

"Hey, hey, stop that right now. Take a minute," Antonio says sternly and his words thrusted me back to when I was a teenager – whenever I became too angry or too upset Antonio would always tell me to 'take a minute' rather than 'calm down' because he knew it never calmed me down.

Once I got myself back under control I said, "I told him that the job came between and I couldn't understand why he was mad with me… The last thing I said was that I was leaving 51 and maybe it was best I was."

Antonio's face screwed up, "Ouch, that was harsh."

I wince, "I know. I regret it now."

Antonio looks down at me and brushes the wet hair that was sticking to my tear-stained face away, "I'm just so confused Antonio," I whisper, "I have no idea what is going on in his head."

Before Antonio had chance to answer there was a loud banging at the door and Antonio quickly stood to answer it. He turned to me and said, "Maybe this is your time to find out Gabby."

Antonio answered the door and all I could catch a glimpse of was messy hands-run-through blonde hair.


End file.
